How to Practice Positive Self-talk?

Note: This article is by Deanna Ritchie, who shares her experience practicing positive self-talk.

But what exactly does "self-talk" mean? How does it improve your output? Are you practicing negative or positive self-talk? If you want to enhance the quality of your self-talk, follow us.

What is meant by the term "self-talk"?

Basically, self-talk is the inner voice that shapes your thoughts and is often associated with your self-worth. For example, when you accidentally cut your finger, you will rebuke yourself for being clumsy. On the other hand, when you get a promotion or finish a project early, you praise yourself. Each of these elicits a different response. Negative self-talk won't only make you feel bad, but also can make you feel anxious and depressed.

What's interesting is that negative self-talk may cause you to fail. Researchers monitored 24 tennis players during tournaments and found that negative self-talk was associated with loss and that players who practiced positive self-talk earned more points compared to their peers who practiced negative self-talk. Additionally, positive self-talk makes you feel satisfied, boosts your confidence and performance, and improves your health. For this, how can replace your negative self-talk with a constructive and positive one?

8 strategies that can help you achieve this

1. Change your inner dialogue

It may seem that negative thoughts and self-deprecation appear out of nowhere. However, we are wired to think negatively. 

Negativity bias can influence your behavior, relationships, and decisions if these thoughts aren't addressed. Although you have no control over your thoughts, you do have control over how you react to them.

Psychotherapist Amy Morion explains, "Believing in self-doubt, worrying about things you can't control, and practicing negative thinking will drain the mental strength preventing you from doing your best. However, reframing your negative thoughts, and refusing to ruminate on them help you think differently." She adds, "When you make a conscious decision to control your inner dialogue, you will become stronger, and the stronger you become, the more likely you are to experience a more productive way of thinking."

Building your mental strength

You can achieve this by following these seven strategies that Morion has identified:

• Replace your negative thoughts with realistic ones, as negative thoughts are caused by self-loathing. Whenever you notice this happening, try to get your positive and realistic thoughts to surface again.
• Distract yourself from these thoughts. If you start recalling your negative thoughts, try distracting yourself by going for a walk, for example, or maintaining your chores.
• Consider the bright side. In other words, don't only focus on the disastrous outcomes, but also take into account the positive possibilities.
• Be grateful, whether by practicing gratitude journaling or talking about it out loud at the dinner. Writing down a list of things you're grateful for takes just a couple of minutes, but it can boost your happiness and change your perspective.
• Live in the moment. Living in the moment reduces stress, improves your mental health, and enhances focus.
• Consider the topic at hand objectively. Sometimes, finding a solution to your problems becomes difficult. This is because your emotions affect the way you perceive the problem. Additionally, when you are not emotionally invested in the situation, it is simple to offer advice to someone else.
• Accept small doses of self-doubt, and invest in these negative feelings to motivate you. For example, not understanding a certain subject motivates you to devote more time and energy to it.

2. Positive reinforcement

Blogger Katherine Fosco writes, "When you're feeling overwhelmed, positive reinforcement can be a gentle way to counteract negative self-talk." It is enough to practice simple phrases such as, "I have learned from my previous challenges; therefore, I'm stronger now. In other words, without pain, there are no gains."

"Write your own positive reinforcement phrase, and repeat it to eliminate negative thought patterns when they arise," Fusco suggests. Alternatively, you can use these pre-made four examples:

• I'll make the best of this day.
• I'll never give up.
• I will not surrender.
• I'm not perfect, and that's okay.

3. Set your own motto

I was upset that I wasn't able to work yesterday, but I said to myself anyway, "No problem, I'll make up for this tomorrow." While occasionally putting things off isn't necessarily a bad thing, if it becomes a habit, you will get into trouble and it could also harm your reputation in both your personal and professional life.

You can use self-talk that encourages procrastination, with alternatives that get you motivated. These are known as "special mottos", and here are some examples of them:

3.1. Feeling like working

"I should do x" is every procrastinator's favorite expression. Instead of saying this, replace the word "should" with the more empowering "choose".

3.2. Getting started

When you focus on meeting your deadlines, you're directing your attention to a very vague and idealistic future. The perception of a project as finished motivates many people, but from the point of view of someone who is struggling to start. Envisioning a future that is difficult to fathom can be confusing and even frustrating at times; instead, just imagine yourself starting, and everything else will follow.

3.3. Divide a large project into small tasks

Anything you need to do can be broken down into smaller, more manageable tasks. For example, don't clean your whole house at once. Instead, start with the kitchen. Moreover, when writing a book, focus on writing one page at a time.

3.4. Take an imperfect step

Perfectionism increases procrastination. You can simply overcome this mental barrier by embracing your humanistic aspects. Therefore, it is fine to take an imperfect step at your next small task.

3.5. Motivate yourself

When deciding to do something, rather than actually doing it, you focus on comparing your ideal reality with your current one. The best you can do is to imagine the wonderful results that await you.

3.6. Take some time to rest

Set boundaries between your work and rest time, as this helps you recharge your energy.

4. Get rid of your "all or nothing" mentality

The phrase "all or nothing" is considered a cognitive distortion. According to author Toni Bernhard J.D, they are thinking defects. Bernhard explains that you evaluate your life in terms of either ideal or catastrophe, and either you're a total success or a complete failure. Also, choosing one of these two extremes when evaluating your life can cause self-blame and, even worse, self-loathing. This is due to the fact that you're striving for perfection because you aren't satisfied with yourself.

To get rid of this thinking, you first need to arouse self-compassion, as this can take place spontaneously by being kind to yourself instead of struggling with self-blaming. On the other hand, think about what you are good at or what you have accomplished. You should focus on the bright side regardless of whether you're dealing with minor or major achievements.

5. Self-talk in the third person

In the summer of 2010, the world was eagerly waiting for LeBron James to announce which team he would play for, and ESPN even had a special program called “The Decision.” While it was controversial, it was around the time that James informed us he would be playing with South Beach.

What's interesting is that James used the third person when announcing his decision, saying, “I wanted to do what was best for LeBron James, what would make LeBron James happy.” Out of curiosity about why James used this formula, Psychologist Ethan Kross also studied his statement.

"The subtle linguistic shift from the first person to the third person can have really powerful subjective effects," Kross said. In other words, it can reduce anxiety, make you more rational and less emotional, and also encourage you to be kinder to yourself.

6. Consider the bright side

Never confuse this with forcing positivity into your life. After all, research shows that forced happiness doesn’t work. Instead, one must acknowledge a bad circumstance while also recognizing its positive aspects. A study from New York University, known as the silver lining theory, found that such thinking can improve performance. In fact, 90% of those who participated in the study found that their negative traits are actually strengths, and they include the following:

• You're not shy, but you're reasonable, as you take your time in making decisions and benefit from solitude.
• You're not chaotic or careless, but you're creative.
• People fear you because you're aware of your self-worth, and this can help you create social change.
• You may think that you're irresponsible because you didn't answer a phone call, but maybe it's because you've been spending your time figuring something out that makes you happier and more self-confident.
• You're not a stubborn person, but a persistent one.

7. Eliminate toxicity

Speaking of looking at the positive side, the COVID-19 pandemic has allowed me to reevaluate my priorities. This gave me the motivation I needed to purge my life of anything superfluous and make room for my essential needs. The first things I de-prioritized were unproductive meetings and tasks, as well as the negative people in my life.

One of those people whom I dumped was a close friend who manipulated me, as I came to terms with the fact that he was eroding my self-confidence. For example, if I asked him about his feedback, he would tell me that my thoughts weren't realistic, which frustrates me. Sometimes, this leads me into a never-ending circle of negative self-talk. However, since then, I've made sure I surround myself with positive, supportive, and honest people.

8. Practice makes perfect

The saying goes, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.” Personally, this is excellent advice when interacting with others, so why not follow this golden rule when it comes to self-talk?

Next time you have a negative thought, don't let it get you down. Challenge this idea with a more rational and kinder one. However, this is not something you can change overnight because it will take time and a lot of practice. With that in mind, I advise you to focus on one area of your life at a time, such as self-love, health, wellness, or confidence, and then move on to other areas.