It's no secret that how we communicate with ourselves plays a vital role in how we view and experience the world, which is why it's so important to pay attention to these highly sensitive words that we use regularly.
However, there are times when everyone can speak to themselves with negative words, and that's perfectly normal.
Unfortunately, there is no way to stop our negative self-talk altogether. Still, the most important thing we can do in these situations is to be vigilant. Dr. LaToya Gaines says: “Negative self-talk is usually so automatic that it happens outside the confines of conscious awareness, so the first step to understanding it is to pay attention to these thoughts while you have them.”
Gaines says that once your self-talk observation improves, you feel more flexible in dealing with and changing these thoughts.
The hard thing about negative self-talk is that it can come in many forms. According to the Mayo Clinic Medical Center, there are four main forms of it to be exact:
- Talking to oneself that is caused by taking things personally.
- Talking to oneself that is caused by exaggerating on negative things and ignoring positive ones.
- Talking to oneself that is caused by scaring things up.
- Self-talk that is caused by the belief that things are either black or white and there is no gray in between.
4 Scientifically Proven Ways to Detect and Stop Negative Self-Talk:
We'll talk in detail about each of them and share some tips on how to overcome them.
1. Talking to oneself that is caused by taking things personally:
Essentially, this happens when “it is not you, it is me” becomes your motto, and if something wrong happens, you automatically blame yourself.
For example, if you send a text message to a group chat and everyone takes longer than usual to respond, you will start thinking to yourself, “Maybe everyone is angry with me,” or “They obviously do not want to be my friends anymore.” However, they are all having a busy day.
“The first step is to do some real-world testing, so I recommend challenging yourself by asking the following questions: Is there any evidence to support this idea? Is the idea realistic or just an explanation? Next, consider an alternative explanation that contradicts the negative thought.”
The next time you feel like you're to blame if something goes wrong or things seem different than usual, take a step back, breathe deeply, and look at the situation from afar. You know that your friends care about you. What other, more realistic reasons have you not heard from them that might be the reason behind what's happening?
2. Self-talk that is caused by exaggerating negative things and ignoring positive ones:
When you do this, you may amplify the downsides of the situation and ignore all the upsides. For example, if you are trying to save money and exceed the allowed budget by $50, you may be preoccupied with that instead of the fact that you put $200 in savings.
Every achievement - no matter how big or small- is more important than the negative. When you start looking at the half-full cup rather than the half-empty, you will feel that life is more rewarding.
If you find yourself doing this kind of self-talk, try writing down all the things that have gone well lately, and you'll slowly start realizing that things may not be as bad as they seem.
3. Talking to oneself that is caused by scaring things up:
When we exaggerate, we automatically expect the worst. For example, while you are on the way to the office if the car stops, you will immediately assume you will be stuck for hours on the road.
When that happens, Gaines suggests setting the record straight, which includes thinking “How likely is that to happen?” Consider other outcomes, and distinguish between disaster and a relatively bad situation.
Can a parked car be stuck for hours? And if that happens, won't you be okay in the long run? In this example, slowing down and thinking about the situation for what it really is helpful.
4. Self-talk that is caused from the belief that situations are either bad or good and that there is no middle ground:
You see things as either good or bad when you practice this type. You think there's no compromise, and you feel you have to be perfect or a complete failure. For example, if you wake up early all week, and one morning you feel the need to get more sleep, and you take an extra nap suddenly, you'll feel as if this makes you a lazy person.
In these cases, you have to treat yourself kindly, and if you don't do something perfectly, reassure yourself. You are human, and human is wrong, and you are allowed to make choices that meet your needs right now. Sometimes, what we wrongly promise can become a lesson or motivation to keep trying.
Combating these types of negative self-talk requires practice, and it's known that it can sometimes be challenging to get rid of it, so it's essential to incorporate positivity into your self-talk whether or not you're going through difficult moments.
“Start your day with some positive reassurance,” says Gaines. “This can include simple phrases like, “I am good enough,” “I will be able to cope,” or “Take a breath, and you will be able to,” similar to when negative thoughts come up. Challenge yourself to give your ideas an affirmative touch.
The practice of positivity is not about ignoring the unfortunate nature of the condition. Still, instead acknowledging that you will find a way to overcome it will enable you to find it.
Add comment