Have you ever felt as though you were in a battle with yourself without consciously choosing to be?
Have you neglected your exercise routine, even though you understand its significance for your health and maintaining your fitness? Have you also found yourself neglecting your work, personal well-being, and friends, seemingly trying to distance yourself from them, all without apparent reasons?
The psychologist Jean Brandl says, "I remember a case I treated where a person felt so depressed and lonely that they would go out and pick fights with someone stronger than them, just to feel less detached from the world."
Psychologist and professor at Yale University, Beigel Weberman, states, "Most of the time, when people engage in self-destructive behavior, there is a type of feeling that is difficult to deal with, whether it's anxiety, sadness, anger, shame, or lethargy, but regardless of that feeling, it's uncomfortable."
You might feel puzzled when reading what the previous specialists have said, and you may have encountered someone who engages in such behaviors, or perhaps you do it yourself. What are these behaviors, how can they be explained, and can those who experience them overcome them?
Our article will address the previous questions that many people have.
The Concept of Self-Destruction
Psychologists define self-destruction or self-sabotage, as a mechanism that the unconscious mind employs to protect an individual when faced with a threat, particularly when venturing outside their comfort zone. Self-sabotage can be described as the human mind's defense mechanism to avoid psychological pain. This defense mechanism is manifested through engaging in harmful or destructive behaviors, some of which are conscious and others occur unconsciously, without awareness of the danger associated with these behaviors.
Self-destruction can begin with minor behaviors that have relatively small negative effects on an individual's life, such as procrastinating on important tasks or neglecting to get adequate sleep. Over time, it can escalate to become highly damaging and dangerous, such as drug addiction, excessive alcohol consumption, consuming unhealthy foods, self-harm, and even suicidal attempts.
Symptoms of Self-Destruction
A person engaged in self-destruction exhibits various characteristics that indicate their condition. Here are the most prominent ones:
1. Reacting with Sadness Upon Achieving a Certain Accomplishment
As a person strives to achieve a certain goal or even fights for it with significant effort, they often react with sadness or even anger when they reach that goal. They downplay the value of their accomplishments and may try to prevent anyone from celebrating their achievements due to their inability to experience self-satisfaction.
2. Stirring Controversy
An individual engaged in self-destruction often attempts to oppose others in any discussion without logical reasons for doing so. They feel rejection for the mere sake of provoking controversy, and, worse yet, they may later feel guilt for the conflicts and negative emotions they incite in others.
3. Not Acknowledging Positive Feelings
Even in favorable circumstances, when things are going well for them, the person engaged in self-destruction will seek out negative aspects that can sour their mood and prevent them from feeling content or happy. Even if someone offers them something that should bring them joy or needs their help, they won't admit to being happy about it. For instance, when going on a trip with friends, they might thwart their own enjoyment by focusing on worrisome matters and negative thoughts.
4. Lack of Commitment
A person engaged in self-sabotage won't commit to important deadlines, such as submitting required work, and may procrastinate or play around, ensuring tasks aren't completed on time. They may even be late for agreed-upon appointments with others without any valid reasons. Consequently, when they miss out on significant opportunities, they'll punish themselves with profound sadness and continuously blame themselves. This happens even when they may have chosen sleep over an important commitment, as these behaviors provide a new reason for them to perpetually self-punish.
5. Sacrificing for Others
While we often view this behavior as a sign of a person's nobility and kindness, those engaged in self-sabotage often sacrifice for others with the sole purpose of depriving themselves of comfort, happiness, or well-being. For instance, they might donate a sum of money to someone in need when they can't afford it, leading to severe financial hardship for themselves.
6. Failing to Protect Oneself
The person engaged in self-destruction doesn't stand up for themselves and allows anyone to harm them, believing that everyone has the right to mistreat them. They feel they don't deserve good treatment and that the ill treatment they receive is just a part of life, not something worth avoiding.
7. Severing Good Relationship
Furthermore, due to their belief that they don't deserve comfort and happiness, they may cut off their connections with anyone who treats them with kindness, love, and respect. They avoid emotional relationships and cut them off without valid reasons. They often have few friendships because they feel uncomfortable in relationships that don't involve difficulties, and they tend to create problems that lead to ending those relationships.
Causes of Self-Destruction
Psychologists and specialists emphasize that self-destruction is not a psychological disorder but rather a symptom or manifestation of disorders. It may also be a symptom of a psychological illness. The underlying reason for self-destruction is exposure to a traumatic and harsh event or experiencing a painful ordeal.
Overcoming Self-destruction
After learning about the key symptoms of self-sabotage, you must have realized the extent of its danger to various aspects of a person's life, especially as it can lead to suicide and the end of life. Therefore, it is crucial to overcome it rather than lament for oneself and express sympathy. This can be achieved by taking the following steps:
1. Identifying Self-Destructive Behaviors
It is essential to identify the behaviors that harm oneself before attempting to recover and overcome them. Take the time to thoroughly consider everything you think about and do, particularly activities that result in damage to your work, alienation from others, or adverse health effects. Ask yourself about all the details that cause you distress and that you find challenging to quit so that you have a clear picture in front of you as much as possible.
2. Identifying the Emotions Driving Self-Destructive Behaviors
It's crucial to consider the reasons behind each behavior, such as pinpointing that your drug or alcohol use is an attempt to numb the pain of losing a loved one, forget the feelings of rejection from a past relationship, or cope with not fulfilling your parents' dreams. Likewise, being consistently late for work and failing to complete tasks on time may be a result of your anger towards your boss for not praising you when you do excellent work or towards your mom for criticizing you over a minor mistake.
3. Reassessing the Causes of Negative Emotions
It's important to reconsider the factors contributing to your negative emotions, such as sadness or anger, as they may not always be based on logical grounds. For instance, your romantic partner's actions may not signify your inadequacy or undesirability, but rather their failure to appreciate you. Similarly, a moment of anger from your boss doesn't equate to being a failure at work.
In the case of your family, their expectations and dreams for you may not align with your aspirations. It's entirely reasonable for each person to pursue their own unique dreams and goals. Furthermore, the loss of a loved one is not a reflection of your worthiness of sadness; it's an inevitable part of the cycle of life, and all of us are susceptible to it at any moment.
To navigate these feelings, consider documenting these thoughts and engaging in self-reflection, no matter how trivial it may seem. This practice can help you always remember the importance of grounding your emotions for realistic and rational reasons.
4. Confronting Your Emotions
After identifying the logical reasons behind past events, it's crucial to challenge these negative emotions to change your negative self-perception and transform negative thoughts into positive ones. For instance, instead of believing that you don't deserve love, which might lead you to conclude that your romantic partner was unfaithful, start believing that you deserve much better.
Instead of blaming yourself for not following your parents' advice and pursuing the specialization they wished for, you can tell yourself that you might not have been able to excel and succeed in that field. You should prove to yourself and others that you made the right choice. This shift in mindset can help turn negative thoughts into encouraging statements, allowing you to focus on your work and life to demonstrate your success.
5. Rebuilding Self-Respect
Rebuilding self-respect is a process that involves avoiding harmful practices and behaviors while embracing actions that enhance your overall well-being. It begins with the conscious decision to prioritize self-care. This may include adopting a healthy diet, joining a fitness club, maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, and engaging in activities that nurture your mind, such as volunteering for charitable organizations, to experience the sense of importance you bring to the lives of others.
In cases where self-help is challenging, seeking the assistance of a psychologist or a life coach can be beneficial in regaining mental well-being and formulating appropriate plans for achieving goals.
In conclusion
Self-sabotage is when an individual engages in behaviors and actions that have a negative impact on their life. This can manifest as feelings of sadness and anger when achieving a milestone, a lack of satisfaction, an inability to recognize positive aspects, all without logical reasons for the sadness, and an inability to acknowledge positive aspects.
Additionally, self-sabotage can lead to causing problems and severing good relationships with others, as the individual believes they don't deserve love, respect, or other positive emotions. The root cause of this behavior often traces back to a traumatic event. However, it's important to recognize that succumbing to self-destruction is not the solution.
Instead, the individual should work on identifying the destructive behaviors, acknowledging the emotions that trigger these actions, and exploring the logical reasons behind them. This process involves confronting and addressing negative emotions, converting them into positive thoughts, and ultimately helping the person regain their self-respect. If they find it challenging to do so on their own, seeking assistance from a mental health professional can be beneficial.
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