This article will explore how a loss of self-esteem affects relationships and mental health, as well as provide some constructive steps you can take to restore confidence and improve your psychological well-being.
What is self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself. People with strong self-esteem love themselves and appreciate their achievements. Although everyone's confidence fluctuates from time to time, people with low self-esteem feel unhappy or dissatisfied with themselves most of the time. This can be overcome, but boosting self-esteem takes attention and daily practice.
See your doctor for information, advice and referral if you are struggling to improve your self-esteem or if low self-esteem is causing problems such as depression.
Typical traits of low self-esteem include:
- Being overly critical of yourself.
- Overlooking positive qualities.
- Feeling like a failure in front of others.
- Using negative words to describe yourself.
- Negative self-talk and self-criticism.
- Blaming luck and not appreciating personal achievements.
- Blaming yourself when problems occur.
- Not believing in the positives that others praise.
Low self-esteem affects a person's quality of life in many ways, including negative emotions, relationship problems, fear of trying, perfectionism, fear of criticism, poor resilience, lack of self-care, and self-harming behaviors.
Causes of low self-esteem
There are several causes of low self-esteem:
- An unhappy childhood where parents (or other people such as teachers) were very critical.
- Poor academic performance at school, which in turn leads to a loss of confidence.
- Ongoing traumatic life events such as a relationship breakdown or financial problems.
- Being poorly treated by a partner, parent or caregiver, for example, being in a destructive relationship.
- Having an ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, a serious illness or a physical disability.
- A mental illness such as anxiety disorder or depression.
Seek help with underlying self-esteem issues. Chronic problems can be frustrating and lead to self-esteem issues, so seek professional advice for issues such as a relationship breakdown, anxiety disorder or financial problems.
Building Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is closely tied to how you view and react to the things that happen in your life. Some suggestions for building self-esteem include:
1. Talk to yourself positively
Treat yourself as if you were your best friend. Be supportive, kind, and understanding. Don’t be harsh on yourself when you make a mistake.
2. Challenge “negative self-talk”
Every time you criticize yourself, stop and look for objective evidence that proves the validity of the criticism. If you feel that you can’t be objective, ask a trusted friend for their opinion.
3. Don’t compare yourself to others
Acknowledge that everyone is different, that every human life has value in itself, and try to accept yourself with all your flaws.
4. Acknowledge the positives
For example, don’t go overboard with likes, don’t downplay your accomplishments, or ignore your positive qualities.
5. Appreciate your own qualities
Mention positive points about yourself daily, write a list, and refer to it constantly. If you cannot think of anything good about yourself, ask a trusted friend to help you write the list.
6. Forget the past
Focus on living in the present instead of reliving old pain and disappointments.
7. Tell yourself a positive message every day
Buy a set of positive talk cards. Start each day by reading a new card and carrying its message with you throughout the day.
8. Stop worrying
"Worry" is just fear about the future, and you cannot see or change the future; so try to keep your thoughts in the present.
9. Enjoy
Set aside time for fun events and activities every week.
10. Exercise
It is a good exercise for the brain to combat depression and help you feel good, so start achieving goals step by step, such as starting with a walk around the neighborhood daily or signing up for a local gym or swimming.
11. Be serious and acknowledge your needs
Express your needs, desires, feelings, beliefs, and opinions to others directly and honestly.
12. Apply the above suggestions daily
It takes effort and mindfulness to replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviors with healthy versions, so give yourself time to establish new habits and keep a journal to track your progress.
Seek support to build self-esteem
Here are some other ways to build self-esteem:
- Talking to a trusted friend or loved one about your self-esteem issues.
- Seeing your doctor for information, advice, and possibly a referral to a specialist.
- Reading personal development books.
- Enrolling in a personal development course.
- Discussing your issues and getting advice from a trained professional.
6 Signs You Have Low Self-esteem
This lack of self-esteem is seriously affecting your life. Here are 6 signs that you have low self-esteem:
1. You’re a “doormat friend”
If you’re the person who’s always being asked to do things without getting anything in return, you’re what’s known as a “doormat.” Do people get away with it when it comes to you? Do you often find yourself putting up with other people’s messes? Do people expect you to “just do it”? If so, then you have low self-esteem and are letting people walk all over you.
2. You’re losing yourself in a relationship
Do you date people and then completely forget who you are and what you stand for? Do you completely abandon your values with the new person and find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do? Do your friends comment on your change, and often not in a positive way?
You’ve forgotten who you are and lost your identity because you have low self-esteem. You need boundaries to stay true to yourself, but you won’t set them, and that’s sad.
3. You do things to get attention
It’s common for you to stir up chaos, busy yourself spreading rumors, and do whatever it takes to get in the spotlight, no matter how ridiculous or embarrassing the subject is. Your self-esteem is so low that you can’t help but gossip about your friends.
4. You indulge in your bad habits to excess
You drink alcohol, do drugs, harm yourself, the list goes on. You’re punishing yourself and your body; you have a disease that could kill you. There’s a difference between feeling low self-esteem and drinking yourself to death. You don’t love yourself, you don’t care about yourself, and you have no respect for yourself or your life.
5. You work hard for people who don’t do the same for you
You’ll move a mountain for someone who won’t look you in the eye for a second, and you’ll find excuses for someone who will never stand by you.
You work hard for someone who won’t do anything for you, and that’s a big sign of a complete and utter lack of self-esteem.
6. You tolerate abuse
You tolerate partners who abuse you because you somehow thought you deserved it, and maybe they were nice to you once or twice, so what does that mean? Instead of focusing on everything they do, you keep reminding yourself how nice they were once or twice.
It’s clear that these “partners” are not nice to you, and it hurts your loved ones to see that you have little self-esteem and little self-confidence.
How to regain your self-esteem?
Restoring your self-esteem is a challenge, but it can be achieved through the following steps:
1. Change your self-talk pattern
Talk to yourself positively and motivatingly, and avoid constant criticism and negative self-talk.
2. Strengthen personal boundaries
Set clear boundaries with others about how you are treated, and be strong in enforcing them.
3. Take care of yourself
Enhance self-care through good sleep, healthy nutrition, and regular exercise.
4. Acknowledge the positives
Focus on your strengths and achievements, and avoid blaming yourself unjustifiably.
5. Avoid comparison
Remember that everyone is unique, and you should not compare yourself to others.
6. Develop personal skills
Work on improving your skills and developing yourself, enhancing confidence and self-esteem.
7. Seek support
Talk to your close friends or seek support from a family member, as talking to others may help you understand and improve your situation.
8. Set goals and work on them
Set small, realistic goals and work towards them, which helps build a sense of challenge and accomplishment.
9. Engage in hobbies and interests
Discover and develop your hobbies and interests, as this contributes to raising the level of self-satisfaction.
10. Consider seeking professional help
If difficulties persist, talking to a mental health professional for additional support and guidance may be helpful.
Remember that restoring self-esteem takes time and effort, and progress occurs gradually.
In conclusion
Loss of self-esteem has a profound impact on an individual’s life, with negative effects on mental health and personal relationships. Engaging in poor self-talk patterns, not setting healthy boundaries, and tolerating harmful behaviors pose challenges to improving psychological well-being.
Fostering self-care, promoting inner positivity, and strengthening personal boundaries can lead to a positive transformation. By working to build self-esteem, individuals can regain control of their lives, feel confident in achieving their goals, and thrive in all aspects of their lives.
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