Note: This article is based on the work of Krista Rizzo, in which we discussed how to express ourselves in a way that reflects our self-confidence and credibility.
These were not terms that most houses tossed around during casual dinner conversations when I was young. Sure, my parents instilled positive self-respect in my brother and me, but not in the widespread, social-media-driven way we see today. To be fair, though, we didn't have social media back then, so I was spared from these pressures—for better or worse.
Anyway, it wasn't as widely accepted in the past for someone to express themselves in a way that truly reflected their genuine personality and confidence—especially a woman. Often, people feared being judged or laughed at because of expectations of what was proper and acceptable, which kept them from honestly expressing their thoughts. Embarrassment hurts more than sharing the truth.
We've all been through this at some point, and for many of us, these feelings still linger because no one encouraged or taught us how to deal with them without coming off as arrogant or self-centred.
It's not easy to present yourself confidently and authentically to others, but it's not impossible if you remember these things: be compassionate, vulnerable, and brave.
Be compassionate
Let me tell you, one of the real lessons I've learned since I started my coaching career is that relationships and connections get deeper when you project a credible and authentic image. Being compassionate with someone boosts confidence in your relationship, which is something you can do with everyone in your life.
My son struggled with online schooling during the spring because of the pandemic. He'd argue and have fits of anger because he was frustrated and didn't know how to express it. He used to cry while sitting on the couch because he missed his friends, teachers, and school.
My generally lively, carefree son was in pain, and I had to take care of him. Instead of telling him he had no choice but to accept the situation and "get on with it," I sat beside him on the couch, cried, and told him I understood his feelings. I wanted him to see his friends and go to school because, truthfully, I also missed my friends and all the fun things we used to do before lockdown.
By showing him I could empathise with him, we discussed the situation calmly and rationally, communicating in a way we hadn't before. After that, he realised the importance of sharing his feelings and how expressing himself could help in certain situations.
Be vulnerable
Vulnerability is another buzzword we hear a lot lately. Gone are the days of "fake it till you make it." We've learned that sharing our personal stories can help us grow more confident and realistic.
Being honest and talking about the intimate parts of your life can be tough sometimes, much like empathy, which often requires overcoming the fear of others' opinions. But when you decide to share what is real fully, you'll feel reassured and strong.
Being weak and honest can help others and often brings a wave of support and understanding from your circle of friends and family. Regardless of the situation, it's also easier than bottling up your feelings.
I had an awful time at work a few years ago; the toxic atmosphere had a damaging impact on both my personal and professional lives. I couldn't separate the two, no matter how hard I tried. Throughout my career, I suffered from anxiety, anger, and depression, not wanting to go to work because of the physical stress. My productivity at work decreased because I was always on edge and unable to relax or let my guard down.
Although it was a horrible event, I kept it a secret from my family and friends at home since I knew how my life was supposed to be. I was quite uncomfortable expressing my weakness to those who could help. So, my actions largely backfired, and I ultimately felt drained from trying to manage everything alone.
My husband found me crying on our bedroom floor after I had a breakdown from stress and worry, and that's when I decided to share my real story. It required me to be weak and express myself to heal and make necessary changes in my life.
As a result, I eventually faced my fears and made decisions that would redirect my life in a direction I hadn't dreamed of. By being vulnerable and sharing my story, I built a foundation to assist others in overcoming their anxieties and challenges.
Be Brave
Confidence isn't something we're born with; it's a skill we acquire. For some, it takes time to build genuine confidence, but for others, it comes naturally.
Confidence is a byproduct of your environment, your support system, and your belief in yourself. You cultivate it much like you cultivate happiness—by surrounding yourself with positivity and optimism and making choices that bring you satisfaction.
Some people call confidence bravery. It's about sharing your weaknesses with people, speaking your mind, and standing out without fear. It's facing your challenges head-on and not backing down.
Bullying was a lifelong issue for one of my friends, even as an adult. He reached out to me recently to discuss it, not seeking revenge but seeking understanding. After becoming a confident man, he wanted to understand why people bully others, especially as adults.
I told him that he demonstrated bravery by educating himself rather than taking revenge. His confidence helped him express himself in a way that helped him and others in similar situations.
He spent years educating himself and building his courage, transforming from a hesitant boy into a self-assured man known and loved by his friends and family. He conquered many self-doubt and self-worth issues to the point that he is now a shining example of thriving.
On social media, the term "haters" is frequently used to describe those who bully others to express their hatred. But that's true bravery when you can harness your energy and shine regardless of others' opinions. In doing so, expressing yourself becomes easier because you accept yourself. You attract the people you want in your life when you do that.
To sum up
For many of us, authentically expressing ourselves isn't always easy. It takes effort to become comfortable with yourself, especially during tough times. However, if you let yourself be vulnerable and reflect on who you really are, you'll demonstrate your confidence and credibility.
You might find peace and comfort in being who you are, even though there might be roadblocks along the way. But in the end, every step of the way will have been worthwhile because you'll feel a sense of fulfilment, unlike anything you've ever experienced.
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