So if the organs are parts of the body, then feelings are parts of the soul and the feelings are what give a person their humanity and endow them with their human characteristics. By stripping a person of their feelings, they become closer to a robotic being, responding according to the dictates of both logic and need.
Human feelings are unified and common to all people, but the difference lies in how each person responds to their emotional state and the extent to which feelings control each person’s actions and control their life decisions.
Therefore, in this article, we will enumerate the types of feelings, and how they affect human behavior, then, we will talk about the art of managing and controlling emotions or what is called emotional intelligence and its characteristics, and we will provide exercises on its application.
Types of feelings
Human feelings are divided into two parts according to their effect on the body. Some of them cause a positive effect, and some cause a negative effect. Emotional symptoms appear on the body, and their role lies in conveying the feeling to the other side, so our eyes turn red when we are angry, and our faces turn yellow when we are afraid.
Among the positive feelings that leave a pleasant effect on the human psyche: the feeling of joy, love, gratitude, safety and tranquility, pride, achievement, and other human feelings that make a person feel lightness, optimism, and relief. As for negative feelings, they are the ones that leave a painful effect on a person, and we mention: feelings of sadness, anger, humiliation, fear, and brokenness.
The effect of feelings on a person
The stable structure of the human being dictates to them a pattern of balance between their logical mental thoughts and emotional feelings. So, a person must learn how to balance between these two components of their personality if they want to achieve stability in their life.
Emotions control the secretion of hormones, which in turn affect the organic parts of the human body, thus forming the body's response to feelings. Psychologists describe the relationship of feelings to humans and express them in the triangle of "idea, feeling, and behavior."
These three elements are interrelated with each other and each leads to the other. When a person encounters a specific situation, it would raise in their head an idea about themselves or about the surroundings.
And if we want to put things down on the ground, we will take an example from our daily life. Suppose, for example, that the manager of the agency in which you applied for employment summoned you to his office and conducted an interview with you, and eventually told you that your CV was rejected, and that your experiences were not required in his company, and he wished good luck.
In such situations, someone will say: “I am a loser and I am not worthy of working in this company.” Then a feeling of sadness, unworthiness, or frustration will dominate them. This feeling will be translated into isolation at home, eating “emotional food,” and a reluctance to submit the resume to another party.
Another person in the same situation may say: “The manager of this company is really foolish. His company missed a lot in rejecting my qualifications. Perhaps this is all for good, and perhaps the Lord has in store for me the best.” From the challenge, it translates into a diligent search for another better job opportunity and submitting a resume to countless employers.
It is befitting for us here to point out that feelings do not carry right or wrong, and we do not have the right to tell the person in the first example that you should have been emotionally broken, nor should we say to the person in the second example that you should not have been optimistic, as feelings are purely personal and purely individual details, and there is no specific rule that controls their flow. That is, it is subject to many influences and complications and has strong links to early childhood.
But what can be controlled and managed is our behavior resulting from the feeling and the thoughts that arouse this feeling, and this is what we call "Emotional Intelligence."
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to describe the feeling we feel, identify the action that leads to it, and express it, while controlling its discharge in a proper way.
For example, I felt angry and resentful when I returned from work, and when I searched for the reason that generated this feeling in me, I discovered that my colleague was the reason. Every time she asks me what to wear on her occasion, she exhausts me with a lot of hesitation, and when we choose together the dress that she settles on, I am surprised by her at the party wearing the dress that I complained about because it is not the first time, and this caused me a feeling of anger.
So, I feel angry, as the triggering situation is my friend wasting hours of my time on her hesitation, and ultimately ignoring my opinion. In such a situation, I can make contact with her and scold her for her irrational act and cause an argument, but emotional intelligence requires the release of anger in a peaceful way, respect her freedom, and kindly admonish her for what happened, with a decision to refrain from providing advice, or to provide advice without waiting for a response from her.
The impact of emotional intelligence doesn't depend on understanding and managing personal feelings. Rather, it goes beyond understanding the feelings of others, accepting their motives, and sympathizing with them, and this is what makes emotionally intelligent people good leaders, successful managers, and popular and desirable people.
Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
The American psychologist "Daniel Goleman" wrote a book in which he talked about the characteristics and traits of emotional intelligence, and we will summarize them as follows:
1. Self-awareness
This is the most important feature of emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent people are very honest with themselves to the point of transparency. They know their strengths and work to invest in them, and they know their weaknesses and work to enhance them. They can also accurately describe their feelings and identify the underlying reasons for them elaborately.
Signs of self-confidence appear on the features of emotionally intelligent people, and most of their lives seem to go according to their control and planning. They know what they want, and draw clear and short ways to reach it.
2. Self-regulation
Emotionally intelligent people act in disciplined ways. They don't allow any emotional current to take them in their direction, such as anger, hatred, or otherwise. They are even adept at allowing themselves to express these feelings without giving in to them completely.
They value themselves, and they know the skill of saying “no” about something they do not want, they ask in a direct way without the need for turning around, and they are honest and principled people, who think deeply and logically, and adapt quickly to changes, and do not make arbitrary and reckless decisions.
3. Empathy
Emotionally intelligent people are distinguished by their tremendous ability to put themselves in the place of the other party, understand their reasons and motives in carrying out any action, provide unconditional love, and possess empathy and support skills.
They don't blame the person when they express feelings of remorse, for example, and they don't shower them with advice, such as "You should have done so and so." Rather, they are good listeners, supporting those in front of them by repeating the phrase “You are right, I understand how you feel,” and explaining to them their right to be wrong because we are all human and we all make mistakes.
4. Motivation
These people are eloquent, and they know how to apply " Every session has a different discussion." They are skilled in choosing motivational and encouraging phrases that will sharpen the spirit and spread enthusiasm, and they are highly productive people. Also, they perform their tasks efficiently because they know what they are doing and why they are doing it.
5. Social skills
Emotional intelligence makes it easier for people to build and define social relationships. As the definition of boundaries in relationships would define the rights and duties of each party in the relationship, they do not confuse colleagues and friend, and between relatives and neighbors, as each relationship has its limits and duties.
Emotionally intelligent people retain the independence and identity of their personalities and refuse to merge with a partner or a work team. Rather, they perform their roles elaborately and to the fullest while preserving their personal identity. So, they are effective contributors to business success and building long-term relationships.
The question, after all, is, "How do we become emotionally intelligent?"
How do we master managing our feelings and controlling our emotions?
Managing feelings has an important role in maintaining psychological, physical, and mental health, building social relationships, and achieving success in academic and practical life. If we want to master this management, we must follow the following:
- Using the direct method in expressing feelings and requirements, such as "I felt angry at your neglect", or "I was embarrassed by your response." This method of expression helps the person understand themselves, and helps others understand them clearly, and their respect for their personality and feelings.
- Training oneself to respond to feelings calmly and avoid reactions, such as trying to maintain calm in situations that cause stress, such as exams, and thinking well about speech in moments of anger and emotional agitation.
- Listening to the speaker, trying to understand their motives behind these thoughts, and paying attention to their body language, which explains many of their statements.
- The law of energy conservation is sympathizing with others and providing them with support without being negatively affected by their problems. So, try to give them your positive energy without taking their negative energy and getting frustrated like them.
- Ensure that negative emotions are discharged healthily and correctly to prevent them from accumulating and entering into complex mixed feelings. You can discharge by writing, speaking in a loud voice, or sharing a close person the cause of your annoyance.
- Expressing positive feelings and sharing them with others, such as expressing joy by dancing and expressing enthusiasm by jumping in place, for example.
- Practice defining the feeling precisely to know how to deal with it. This is done by brainstorming a group of feelings that are likely to be what we feel. For example, when we are waiting for the result of an exam, we feel anxiety and tension, not anger, and discharging it is by coloring the mandala or Rubik's cubes, for example. When a colleague at work surpasses us, we feel jealousy, not hatred or anger. Discharging it is by convincing oneself that success can accommodate everyone and that diligence will inevitably bear fruit.
- Paying attention to introducing children to the types of feelings, and teaching them the characteristics of each one of them and how to express them, so that they get used to understanding and accepting themselves from an early age.
In conclusion
We must remember that emotions are a legitimate right for us, and that managing them wisely is our duty to ensure a stable life for ourselves. We must realize that emotional intelligence is a path toward achieving success and balance, and that controlling emotions is an acquired behavior that we master through practice, habituation, and the passage of time.
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