Note: This article is by Darius Foroux, who talks about the importance of developing self-confidence based on our actions and behaviors, and searching for it within ourselves without waiting for praise and admiration from others.
Fake Confidence
Unfortunately, most of us trade social popularity for self-confidence, and you must think it's a good deal like I like your dog's Facebook picture, and you like my cool new profile picture. But this trade-off has one downside, and that is that you know full well that it is fake or artificial.
People on Facebook don't care about your diploma or promotion, and they don't even care about your kids. They just like your photos, so you like theirs in return, which is what I call crowdsourcing trust. I see social media as a business of like-minded people.
But there is another side or face to social crowdsourcing trust. It is when we get upset if we don't get many likes on things we have shared on social media, and I think that's because we are so superficial. It's not only limited to social media, as most people don't have accounts on it at all.
Instead, they exchange the praise they receive from their manager, life partner, friends, or colleagues with self-confidence, which is familiar to everyone, and it is what makes us feel better and self-satisfied when someone praises our work or our achievements.
The reason for all of the above must be the search for acceptance of others on which we depend so much in our lives and which I continued to pursue for years only to find it nesting and permeating me without even knowing it. As an entrepreneur, I did my best to win the approval of customers or potential clients.
It was the same when I worked for a big company. I used to feel very happy at my work when my bosses or co-workers appreciated me, and it was the worst job in the world when people didn't thank me for my hard work, and this feeling must be the same for you.
This also applies to the field of relationships. We hear a lot of complaints, such as one spouse don't notice his partner's new haircut or one of them ignoring the other after giving great support and standing by one side, and many other examples. But I will tell you something which may be difficult to hear: No one cares at all, or perhaps they do, but not to a great degree.
What I am emphasizing is this: it is not your duty to make others feel good about yourself, but we expect people to like our publications, to tell us how good and kind we are, and to hear all we want to hear. But this behavior spoils our relationships with others, and most importantly, it makes us losers.
The real reason we should work for and be kind
Seeking to win the admiration of others and chasing praise is not a good motivation for work and achievement because it depends on external factors we cannot control. Rather, you have to achieve achievements and do things for yourself, but not in a selfish way, and remember that you will live in this world for a limited time.
So, there is nothing wrong with enjoying it. You have to stop worrying about other people's opinions and what they think of you and respect their private lives, as not everyone is sitting around waiting for you to do something to praise you for.
When you stop trying so hard to receive praise from others, you will get the recognition you desire. Therefore, I advise you to always trust yourself without relying on external reasons, such as the attention and praise of others to accomplish your work.
People don't like being around attention-seeking people. Rather, they like to associate with self-confident people instead because self-confidence is an inspiring and motivating feature for others. The American writer Norman Vincent Peale says: “Believe in yourself and believe in your abilities, for you cannot be a successful or happy person in your life without having a modest but reasonable confidence in your powers and abilities.”
How to gain self-confidence without the help of others?
You have to spend time with enough self-confident people to become a self-confident person in turn. You must have heard of the mirror neuron. Neuroscientists in Italy found in the 1980s that primates have neurons in their brains responsible for imitation behavior. In simpler terms, we imitate each other's actions and behavior, which is also how I learned from my mentors to stop seeking approval from others.
Confidence begins with faith, which you can create instantly within yourself. Instead of thinking that you cannot, you have to start believing that you are capable of everything, and that is not a complicated matter. And then it's your body's turn after that, so instead of sitting with your back hunched over, you have to stand up straight, expand your chest, and breathe through your nose.
Thinking, practicing, feeling, and believing in self-confidence
I have several mentors who work very hard for themselves. But at the same time, they give value to others, and they get to spend their time doing their work because they don't worry about what others think of them. This is best expressed by the American actor "Denzel Washington: “I work hard for my audience, and I consider it as entertainment, so I don't need to be accepted by others.”
The best thing about not relying on others for your self-confidence is that you can focus on the important things in your life. You are not determined or evaluated by the number of likes, compliments, rewards, or the amount of praise you receive from others. Rather, you are the product of your deeds and actions only, as the American Writer Will Durant says: "We are the product of our actions that we repeat repeatedly."
In conclusion
Words and sayings are not necessary. Rather, actions and deeds are the only real and tangible things we have in this world, and you must eventually become more confident in yourself if you act appropriately. Remember that you have more capabilities than you think. Hence, you only have to look for confidence within yourself, not outside.
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