Note: This article is based on the work of writer Angel Chernoff, in which she tells us about her journey to becoming a writer who offers advice on overcoming negative emotions.
Humans have an elaborate innate defense mechanism designed to keep us safe. The only problem is that this system could be more adept at assessing various threats, as it considers all dangers equal whether the threat is a predatory animal or the empty judgments of people. We respond psychologically and physically in the same way to both threats. We retreat and hide in search of safety.
No doubt you've said before, "It won't work, so why even try?" or "I don't know what I'm doing, this is the height of stupidity." You know deep down that you are trying to find an escape from something that you find scary, whether it is searching for a new job, starting a company, writing a book, or calling a brother with whom you fell out, and always when you justify this escape, you sink deeper and deeper into the depths of overwhelming negativity.
Personal experience
I wrote a novel a few years ago. Sometimes, it was easy, as the words slipped easily and the story stuck in my head. Other times, it seemed my fingers had frozen and the story had escaped. On those days, I felt like giving up, as if I would never finish the novel, and even if I did, it would be horrible. So, I quit writing and never touched my manuscript for over a year. I was in pain daily because I was trying so hard to convince myself that writing wasn't for me.
I was dying a little inside each day that I did not write, and I knew that at this time, I had to create, give life to the novel's characters, and paint with words the pictures I had in my mind.
After more than a year of being out of creativity, something suddenly hit me, so I started thinking about my book and my life differently, and I discovered little tricks to convince the writer in me to write even for a little while. At first, these were fleeting moments, maybe a few minutes here and there, but soon I started to spend more and more time writing my novel without much effort, and I enjoyed it and laughed at those moments when I couldn't create any words.
The fear and anxiety that previously pushed me to stop writing have pushed me forward this time.
By changing my mindset and learning different techniques, I have learned to prevent myself from giving in to negative feelings. The result is that I am now more focused and able to overcome obstacles and challenges that come my way.
17 tips with which you can achieve more and live an abundant life
1. Frame your questions in a positive light
- "What if I fail?"
- "What will people think of me if I'm wrong?"
These questions lead us to negative thinking by framing our decisions this way. We predispose ourselves to disappointing results and produce primitive reactions.
Instead, highlight through your questions the pros and cons. Ask yourself: “What if it goes well?” Or say: “It would be so great” instead of: “I might fail miserably.” This way of thinking helps you focus on the benefits rather than the disadvantages.
2. Focus on building small habits
Overcoming negative feelings requires taking the first step, no matter how small. Building daily habits is a great way to start and build momentum. If you're having trouble concentrating, start meditating for five minutes daily, then gradually persevere until you can focus for more extended periods. If you suffer from "writer's block," write in your journal for five minutes a day, and it will gradually become 10 minutes, then 20 minutes.
The most important thing is to form positive habits that replace negative feelings.
3. Allow yourself to smile and laugh
It's hard to find humor in anything when we're in a negative emotional state. Research shows that laughing and smiling can increase serotonin levels – the happiness hormone - and also boost endorphin production, which leads to a natural feeling of euphoria, reducing stress and bringing many other psychological and physiological benefits.
You have to know first what makes you laugh. Observe for several days the things that make you laugh out loud, smile, or feel happy in general, then collect as much as possible from these sources, such as books, articles, cartoons, blogs, etc., and when you feel bad, resort to them for a few minutes.
4. Stop saying, "I can't"
When we want something and have difficulty achieving it, we often destroy our progress by convincing ourselves that our goals are out of reach. Saying, “I can't do that,” or “I will never be able to,” reinforces negative feelings. Instead, focus on what you can do and say: “I can write for 5 minutes a day” and “I can figure out the steps to make it happen.”
Highlight your capabilities rather than limitations, and focus on all possible positive outcomes. Take another example: if you don't travel because you're afraid the plane will crash or you "can't" communicate in a foreign language, understand that the odds are in your favor and that positive outcomes will far outweigh negative outcomes. Compare your fears with the consequences of inaction, and focus on known facts, not fairy tales.
5. Be careful when saying “always” or “never”
The two words ‘always and never refer to absolutes that are beyond discussion and cause feelings of helplessness. Saying, “I always get into this problem,” or “I can never make it” strips you of your power. So, make some small adjustments in how you use the language by saying: “I had this problem in the past, but I can overcome it now,” or “I can achieve this if I am determined.” Reclaim your strength by cutting these two words out of your vocabulary and realizing the possibilities available.
6. Change your environment
Sometimes, we just need a different environment. If you work at home, join a group work center, but if you work in an office, take a break and walk outside, or go on a short vacation if possible. The more you experience, you reassure yourself and find enough inspiration to get out what despairs you.
7. Exercise as much as possible
It is known that exercise stimulates our bodies to release feel-good chemicals. It is also very beneficial, so if you are not exercising at least three times a week, start immediately and gradually. Wait to commit to a strict program before your body adjusts instantly. Walk before you run, do aerobics before you use the machines, focus on making step-by-step progress, and build positive habits that will last a lifetime.
8. Challenge yourself
The learning process, whether it is a skill, a language, a hobby, or a sport, benefits us in many ways. It takes our minds off our problems and forces us to focus. It promotes feelings of accomplishment that counteract negative feelings. It also boosts our self-confidence as we learn and grow.
To regain my desire to be creative, I decided to take on projects and pursue hobbies that forced me to learn new skills and new ways to deal with the difficulties experienced by beginners. When I finally sat down to write again, I had a new perspective on writing, which gave me a flood of new ideas.
9. Write down your thoughts
Writing diaries help us solve our problems without overthinking them. Writing down our negative thoughts helps us relieve feelings of distress. So, pick a time of the day when you are not distracted and write for 5-10 minutes anything that comes to mind spontaneously. Solving our problems through self-reflection makes us incredibly creative and resilient.
10. Overcome past mistakes
One of the reasons for my hiatus from writing was that I had written a section that I loved, but I took the story and the main character down an inconsequential path. I desperately wanted it to work, but I realized that I had reached a dead end, and once I deleted this section, I could complete the story again.
Holding on to past mistakes or wrong choices keeps us stuck where we are and unable to grow or advance. So, admitting and learning from mistakes allows us to absorb these lessons and overcome these obstacles.
11. Allow yourself to make mistakes
We learn through failure and repeated attempts. Mistakes are part of life experiences, and by accepting failure, we allow ourselves to live life to the fullest, and then we can absorb the lessons we learn from our mistakes. With time, we learn the necessity of appreciating them.
The next time I wrote something that didn't make sense or didn't advance the story, I didn't hesitate to delete it and rewrite it, realizing that it was an essential part of the writing process rather than a sign of failure.
12. Treat people with kindness
Treating others with kindness and respect makes us feel good about ourselves, and when this kindness is unexpected, the stranger's gratitude and positive reaction provide us with positive feelings.
One day a stranger who paid for my cup of coffee did not stop till I appreciated his favor and left the café before I could thank him. So, I did the same with the lady in line behind me, and her genuine smile inspired me the whole day.
13. Have fun in your life
There is no better way to eliminate negative feelings than to engage in fun activities. Plan fun things every day. Watch a movie or play a game, remember the activities that entertain you and do more of them, and put the mindset of childhood back in. When experiences are filled with wonder and awe, new experiences are a great way to do this.
14. Set boundaries for family and friends
Gossip is undoubtedly fun. We find pleasure in hearing about the tragedies and mistakes of others, but this gossip brings negative energy. Therefore, refuse to participate in this conversation and tell your friends and family that gossip is entirely unacceptable. The same applies to their judgments of others and advice about your goals that you don't want to discuss with anyone. So, do your best to set these boundaries to avoid negative feelings.
15. Don't take abuse personally
Negative people don't just abuse you, but abuse everyone who deals with them. Their actions and words are the only evidence of their misconduct. Even when the situation seems personal, or when someone insults you directly, you often have nothing to do. So, just remember that people's words, actions, and opinions only reflect what's inside them.
16. Live in the moment
Too often, we remain obsessed with the future and spend so much time imagining different scenarios that we lose sight of all the beautiful, good, and inspiring things we have in our lives. So, instead of thinking about what hasn't happened yet, be grateful for the love that is in your life right now and focus on the things that matter to you today.
17. Give yourself a break
Sometimes, all we need is peace and reassurance. Our unrealistic expectations put us under a lot of pressure, so we hate ourselves if the result isn't quite perfect. So, slow down, relax, accept your eccentricities, and realize that you are enough just as you are, and don't try to be perfect. It is enough to be an example of good to follow.
In conclusion
Even the most successful people have experienced negative feelings at different times. Perhaps they were caused by fear or a sense of inadequacy, as was the case for me, or they may have experienced repeated failures or disappointments that took them back to their starting point.
Whatever the reason, success will not be achieved without suffering, and people who persevere and eventually achieve their goals can only do so after overcoming these destructive negative feelings, and whether they achieve fame or not, they will reach greatness because they continue to struggle with the psychological barriers that get in their way, and it's time for you to realize that you have everything it takes to be one of the greats.
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