Being yourself is better for you and others. When people know the real you, they will respect and trust you, even though they might not agree with you. When you care too much, you will feel like you are sacrificing yourself all the time, which can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration and helplessness.
This does not mean that we should not care about anything or anyone; rather, the opposite is true. This is what we will discuss in this article.
After reading it, you will know how to actually care more by reducing excessive concern and learning how to own your life.
Is caring too much a bad thing?
If you think that there are not many people who care enough in this world, you are somewhat right. Sometimes it seems as if only a few people care, but there are more of those who care than those who don't. Apart from that, it's partly how humans became the most dominant species.
Furthermore, if all 7 billion people cared, we probably wouldn't have the same problems as today, such as corruption and wars. Caring in itself is a good thing, but the reason why most people care is the problem.
In many cases, we care because we seek something in return. It's a validation of one's social standing, integration, health, or love, for instance. As caring is one of the things that makes you feel good, a little selfishness is actually not a bad reason to care. After all, we are all naturally motivated to feel good about ourselves.
However, when you expect something in return, caring becomes misplaced. Imagine that you care about someone and do everything they ask of you. You do that expecting something in return, like love, but what will happen if this person does not meet your expectations? Frustration and perhaps resentment will kick in.
It always happens with people we care about, which is unfortunate. These people sacrifice themselves because they care about others, but they do so at their own expense. They feel helpless when they get nothing in return.
In other words, you should care, but not at your expense. If you feel resentment building up because you care too much, it will get worse. So let's take a closer look at some of the signs that you care a lot.
Signs that caring is misplaced
Caring is good and more people should care, but caring too much can lead to resentment, especially when you care at your own expense. Here are some signs of caring too much:
1. Overthinking
Do you constantly think about every possible situation?
- What if this happened?
- What if you do something stupid or it seems strange?
- What if not everyone likes what you're suggesting?
Other situations that people worry a lot about are things that have already happened, such as:
- Why did they act this way? They must have thought that...
- Why did I say that? They must have thought I...
- Why can't I act normally?
- If I had done that.
- If I hadn't done that.
These are frustrating questions, so you might feel a little anxious when you ask them to yourself. According to research, overthinking, feelings of insecurity, and self-doubt are related. Overthinking is a clear sign that you worry a lot.
2. Seeking acceptance
Do you need approval for the work you do, such as a compliment or some other kind of positive reinforcement? Do you get upset when you don't receive it? Does it make you feel that your work is not appreciated or that you are not doing a good job at all? This isn't a bad thing, as we all need some appreciation for what we do. The problem is that you can't change what other people do. You can't force someone to compliment you. Expecting praise for your work can lead to disappointment.
The other problem is that you become more likely to feel disappointed. When you seek praise and compliments, negative comments can affect you more than they should. Also, you might count positive feedback as criticism, while others only intend to help you. This does not only affect work. It can happen in any situation, like sports, friendships, and, of course, in your marital relationship as well.
3. The inability to say "No"
We naturally like to help others; this is how humans get along. Moreover, giving help makes you satisfied, which makes it hard to say "no." It makes you feel like you're rejecting the other person, especially if you feel rejected when others say "no" to you.
However, saying "yes" all the time isn't always a good thing. You might feel angry when you do so. How many times have you said "yes" but wanted to say "no" instead? How did you feel afterwards? This shows that there are no boundaries. If people don't know your boundaries, they don't know if you really mean your words. Saying "no" from time to time builds trust because people know that you mean it when you say "yes." While saying "no" might make you feel bad, it means, in some situations, that you care more.
4. Trying to please everyone
If you try to please everyone, you will not please anyone, as you will lose your distinction. So try to express yourself and find what distinguishes you. People will love to spend time with you when you express yourself. Naturally, not everyone will agree with that, but the people you care about will.
Not expressing yourself makes you feel hopeless. You feel like you are dying inside when you cannot express who you are and live the way you want to because, as we mentioned previously, pleasing everyone means not pleasing anyone. Not only do you restrict yourself to that, but you also deny others the chance to get to know you, and you might deny yourself the chance to develop friendships with some of them. The opposite of what you desire happens when you seek to please others, which is a sign that you care too much.
5. Always striving to do the right thing
Idealism is one of the things that helps us reach perfection, but as everyone knows, perfection does not exist, as you will always find something to adjust or improve. No matter how hard you try, you will not reach perfection. There are two reasons for being perfect:
- Desire for excellence: to set high expectations for yourself and want to live up to them.
- Fear of failure: to be afraid of losing others' respect when you do less than expected.
Although perfectionism gives better motivation, exaggerated perfectionism causes stress and anxiety. So, do you care too much about making everything perfect?
What are the reasons for caring too much?
In the event that specific signs appear, you will attempt to identify the issue. So try to find out why you try to please everyone. Is it because of the way you were brought up? Are you afraid of being alone? Is it a lack of self-confidence? Or do you not feel that you are important enough? It is difficult to address all of this in one article.
Everyone's situation is unique and different. Although we can identify a common good reason, only you know the finer details of it. However, it is worth considering because, when you understand the reason, it becomes much easier to stop caring too much. Any form of change always comes from a new level of understanding.
Here are some common ideas to start with:
- Believing that you should have accomplished more than you have thus far.
- You want to control everything.
- Comparing yourself to others.
- Fear of loneliness.
- You want to be loved by everyone.
- You want to avoid conflicts.
If you feel that the aforementioned applies to you, search deep within yourself, ask yourself, and test the emotions and feelings that appear. This article will give you some tips, but only you can make a real change because self-awareness is an important step in this.
How to stop caring too much?
Caring too much has the opposite effect of what you are trying to achieve. Reasonable care can be good for everyone. The following steps will help you do that, but before you go into that, it is important to understand that this is an approach to take. It takes more than just reading one article.
Not everything will be fixed right away, so don't worry if you can't stop caring within a week. Take the time to strike the correct balance between showing others that you care and ceasing to do so when it becomes unhealthy.
Let's take a look at the tips:
1. Develop your self-awareness
We talk about self-awareness constantly because it is one of the most important skills that anyone must develop for a comfortable life. Understanding yourself is the backbone of happiness. What works for you might not work for others, as everyone has different tastes. This is the most obvious principle in relationships, for example.
It's a fact of life that not everyone is meant to get along with everyone. There is no magical way to live a good life that works for everyone, and this runs counter to accepted wisdom.
The well-known advice for getting rich is to engage in real estate business or learn how to practice e-commerce.
If you want to build something meaningful, you must start a business, and to get in good shape, you must go to the gym. These tips are generally effective, but are they effective for you? It depends on you.
All roads lead to Rome, but which one will suit you best? What will you hold on to, even in times of crisis? The same goes for caring too much.
The reason you care too much might be different than someone else's reason, as the situation is different for every person. Instead, do a little inner research to find out what makes you care and why.
2. Take care of yourself
When you care a lot, it is often because of self-doubt and insecurity, as you don't feel good enough. Self-care can help you. Although it's not a magic formula, taking better care of yourself helps you feel better. So think about eating healthy food, exercising, and making time to learn something new.
We often tend to forget simple things when we are not feeling well. However, if you want to stop caring about what other people think, you have to feel good about yourself so that you have the confidence to avoid others' judgments.
3. Focus on your life
Everyone has many opinions about everything, and most opinions stem from extremist or tolerant thinking. The world has become a deeply polarized place. So don't worry too much if others make fun of you. Some people made fun of many successful ideas that we now rely on, such as Uber, the light bulb, and PCs.
When you know what you want and why, meaning when you are self-aware, you should focus on your life and ignore the opinions of others. Only you can know what is good for you, because you are the one who should live your life. People will have an opinion about everything, but know that whether their opinion is positive or negative, you have nothing to do with it. So live your life as you wish, so that you don't regret it later.
4. Focus on growth
When you focus on your life course, some things will happen, and you will question what you are doing and whether you have made the right choices. You will make mistakes, and you will go through doubts and frustrations, but this is all part of your life journey. Creating the life you want is not an easy, paved road.
Stop worrying too much about the obstacles you will face and accept them, because a lack of acceptance is the biggest reason for the failure of most people. They believe they will get immediate results, and when they don't get them, they tend to give up. Perseverance is what you'll need. Focusing on growth rather than results is the way to develop. The results of anything are the inevitable results of growth.
5. Slow down and take it easy
There are times when you have to go fast and there are times when you have to slow down. When you care a lot, you are often in a hurry, and you might feel symptoms like stress and anxiety. Sometimes, this can lead to burnout. So what if you slow down a bit? And what can you do to slow down if you have to? At some point, you have to focus on yourself because if you don't, you might burn yourself out. When that happens, it takes a long time to recover.
Slow down and take some time for yourself. If you are having a hard time doing that, go on vacation alone, force yourself to slow down, and take your time. It might seem strange to go on vacation by yourself, but this is the best way to stop caring so much.
6. Choose what matters to you
If you want to stop caring so much about everything, you might want to know what you want to care about. Self-awareness is the first step to take here to know what matters to you. So take some time for yourself to think about it. You don't have to come up with something cool.
It's okay if you want to, but try to understand why this is important to you. Understanding the reason behind any of the things you want is key to motivation and helps you stop caring so much about others.
7. Don't care about external effects
90% of people waste their energy worrying about things they have no control over, such as what other people think, say, or do, government procedures, the weather, or the time. We blame the economy or the government when our businesses don't succeed; we complain about situations that don't meet our expectations; and we also make excuses when things don't go as planned.
However, you can't control most of these things, so why spend all your energy on them? These things are a waste of time. When you realize that, you will live a happier life, and it will also have a huge impact on how much you care about everything.
8. Set boundaries
Those who care too much often lack personal boundaries, as they let the world decide how they live. By trying to please everyone, you try to apply their standards to yourself. As a result, you never live as your true self.
What is the solution? Set boundaries for yourself and find out what your most important values in life are. What do you care for? What is something you want to do every day that feels good? What are some things you don't want to do? Having a list of your own rules and values helps you lead your life. Don't forget to introduce your values to others, as you will earn their trust in return.
In conclusion
You have to care about others without caring about their opinion of you. When you separate your self-worth from others' opinions, you can live a happier and healthier life. No one cares anyway; everyone has something to do.
Also, when you judge others, you reveal your nature and your impressions, not theirs. If this is true, why do you care about the judgments of others? You can still care about them; just stop caring about their opinion of you.
Add comment