What is Emotional Dependency?
Like any other invisible mental illness, emotional dependency is an invisible monster that takes full control of the behaviors of its host, leaving them stranded with a crushing pattern of failed and toxic relationships that leaves marks on both parties, probably for life. Usually, people who have emotional dependency don’t even know it and give a very aggressive denial when a friend or a partner points it out. It’s often mistaken to only happen in romantic relationships, but it could happen with just about anyone, be it a friend, a significant other, or even a family member. As long as there is a relationship of any sort between two people and one of them is emotionally dependent, the pattern will start to take place.
Emotionally dependent people have a number of shared symptoms, such as a big lack of self-control that won’t allow them to be an inch away from their partner. They feel a great deal of discomfort when they’re not near them and feel an unsettling urge to try to be them at all times; therefore, they tend to stay in the relationship even if it doesn’t make them happy out of fear of being left alone, which adds stress and anxiety to the table. They are usually so submissive to their partners and can’t even disagree with them on the smallest things because they never want to upset them, and they often feel unworthy of their partners, like they’re not good enough for them, which makes them get obsessed with the idea of being cheated on.
How Do Emotionally Dependent Partners Act in a Relationship?
There are a lot of signs to look for if you’re having doubts about your partner being dependent or not. Here are some of the first things to look for:
1. They Require Constant Attention and Validation:
Because they don’t feel like they are worthy of being with you and because they never feel good enough and have a lot of insecurities and a lack of self-confidence, they will require constant validation from you. They will always look for reassurance to feel that you won’t leave them at some point; this validation also puts their “I’m being cheated on” thoughts to sleep for a while. It’s a lot for a person to take on, and it’s very overwhelming because it’s very hard to be with someone who always needs you.
2. They Are Extremely Jealous All The Time:
Out of fear of losing you to someone else who is way better than them, they tend to be very jealous all the time. This jealousy is often triggered by their lack of self-confidence and insecurities because it makes them think that, literally, any person they meet could snatch them away from them at any given moment. They don’t fully believe you want to be with them; their emotional dependency makes them feel like they are the temporary solution until something better comes along. So, they hold onto you in every way they can, which suffocates you.
3. They Are Clingy:
That combination of jealousy and fear of losing you, mixed with the constant need for attention, makes them so clingy and makes it almost impossible for them to be able to give you your personal space and some time to yourself, even if they genuinely wanted to.
4. They Need Your Approval on Literally Everything:
If you don’t approve it, no matter how small or big the issue was, they won’t do it. This is another way they demonstrate their fear of upsetting you. To make sure their partners are completely satisfied and happy, they go all the way to allowing their partners to control their lives.
How Do You Deal with Them?
If you noticed any of the symptoms mentioned above, you should start actively looking for solutions if you want to keep this relationship alive. Some people say that it’s literally impossible to be with an emotionally dependent person because they can never change, but that’s just another misconception about mental illnesses and issues. There are a lot of ways to deal with your partner’s emotional dependency, especially if your partner is fully aware of their situation and wants to put in the effort to change for the better to keep the relationship alive, which is a great motivation to begin with.
1. Set a Clear List of Boundaries:
If you don’t set your boundaries from the very beginning, it becomes very difficult, if not impossible, for any party in the relationship to get what they want. Boundaries make everything clearer and more acceptable, especially if they are defined from the beginning, because they slowly turn into habits and a natural way of behaving and thinking.
2. Seek Professional Help:
It’s always a great idea to immediately start looking for professional help, as it saves you a lot of time and effort that could be all wasted over absolutely nothing, which would eventually lead to resentment. It’s far healthier to start seeing a therapist as soon as you pick up on the pattern and the symptoms. You can do both individual and couple’s therapy; both would be effective to a degree estimated depending on the severity of the situation.
3. Encourage Your Partner to Have a Life Outside of the Relationship:
Try to encourage them to do activities that don’t include both of you. It might help them see that life isn’t so bad when they’re alone and that spending time with friends and family or doing things they love is just as good as spending it with you.
Bottom Line:
You can never help someone overcome an issue, especially a mental one, by being aggressive or forcing the change to happen. Remember that these people are fragile, and they need you to go easy on them so they can start making the change you want. As long as it’s a relationship, it’s a two-person job.
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