5 Tips to Take Control of Your Life and Replace Negative Self-Talk with Positive Thoughts

In this article, you will read five tips derived from the book "Choose Your Story, Change Your Life" by Kindra Hall. They teach us in this book how to stop our negative self-talk and take the lead in our lives.

But the advice we will give here is not professional medical advice, so if you suffer from negative self-talk and do not find the advice provided by training helpful, you should see a doctor to check your physical and psychological health.

What is self-critical talk?

It is the thoughts that circulate in your head and tell you negative things, such as that you are not good enough or you are not efficient enough; Self-criticism is part of our adaptation process and is one of our vital characteristics; the purpose is to preserve our lives; In the sense, self-critical talk is only a process through which your brain seeks to keep you safe, but your self-negative conversation can determine your decisions and actions based on how much you listen to it and how much you allow it to affect your life; If the intensity of negative talk with the self is massive, you may suffer ideas such as:

• I'm useless.
• I'm not as good as the others.
• I wish I were more beautiful, intelligent, richer, and so on.
• Why am I so lonely?

Tips to help you change your negative self-talk

Fortunately, there are tips to help you change your negative self-talk and your negative self-criticism. Here are some of these tips:

1. Identify your negative thoughts

Each of us has a specific pattern of self-talk, and the goal of our self-talk is to regulate emotions, treat traumatic experiences, and change our views, but not every type of self-talk is helpful to a person.

Here are some types of negative self-talk:

• I will never reach my maximum potential.
• I'm insignificant.
• I'm so unlucky.
• Everything I achieved was by luck.
• I'm failing my kids.
• I'm bad at managing my money.
• Nothing works for me.

These self-convincing thoughts can change our lives, so we need to be clear about our self-talk.

Practical Tip: Bring a pen and paper and write down your answers to the following three questions:

1. What ideas are you currently convincing yourself of?
2. What is the source of these ideas?
3. Are these thoughts true?

For example, one of the ideas you write down might be:

1. “I do my best at work, and yet my boss doesn't appreciate it.”
2. "This idea came about because I do extra work outside of working hours, yet I don't get any positive feedback from my boss."
3. “Maybe this idea is not true, maybe because my boss is too busy, maybe he feels appreciated, but he doesn't show it to me.”

Once you've written down your answers, you should clearly understand what you're saying to yourself from negative self-critical talk.

2. Use Motivational Phrases

To change your negative self-critical talk to a positive supportive one, try changing your negative thoughts to a more positive one; Positive motivational statements, such as:

• “I am positive, lovable, and good enough.”
• “I have the confidence to make decisions to help me build a better future.”
• “I feel healthy, well off, and wise.”
• “I am focused, strong, and calm.”
• “I am a confident and capable person; Because I am strong, I deserve to be appreciated.”

Practical Tip: Write a list of your motivation statements that you feel are expressive of you; Write these statements in the form of notes on adhesive paper, hang them on the wall, repeat these statements daily, or set them as reminders on your phone, and devote a few minutes each day to meditating on them.

3. Change your negative environment

We often have negative thoughts because we are surrounded by negative thoughts. That is, we put ourselves in a cycle of negative thinking. The people we spend time with repeat the same negative thoughts repeatedly, so changing our negative thoughts sometimes requires changing the surrounding environment.

Practical Tip: Choose one of the tips below and apply it in the coming weeks or months:

• Take a vacation or take a trip outside your comfort zone.
• Meet new people from different backgrounds.
• Take a camping trip with some friends.
• Look in the mirror and tell yourself what's on your mind.
• Practice a new social hobby.
• Download a new app to meet new people.
• Make new friends online or through regular mail.

4. Reframe ideas that feel deficient as questions

Think of an annoying thought that you have been repeating a lot in the past period, and it begins with the phrase “should” as in the following examples:

• “I have to be more sociable at work.”
• “I have to be bolder like I was before.”
• “I have to get paid a higher salary.”

Ideas that begin with “should” predict negative things; The reason, they can lead you to believe that you are experiencing something rather than being convinced of these ideas. Ask why you think you should do this or act like it. By going back to the previous examples, your questions will be as follows:

• Should I be more social at work?
• “Should I be bolder like before?”
• “Should I get paid a higher salary?”

When you rephrase these ideas into questions, your thinking pattern changes, and you start thinking about why you think you should do this or that; You may discover that someone told you in your childhood that you should be more social, or maybe you see your friends on social media acquiring expensive things while you seem to be living a simple life.

Practical Tip: Discover ideas that tell you should do so or so, write down at least three phrases that begin with “should,” and then rephrase them as questions.

5. Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones

Your negative self-critical talk can be likened to an iceberg, so remember, while the iceberg is large, part of it is immersed in water. The iceberg that sank the Titanic was not visible; It was below water level.

The same applies to you, as we automatically repeat this negative talk with the self, or as if we are accustomed to it, but what leads to these negative thoughts are other thoughts and convictions deeper than them, which are often negative thoughts and beliefs; what you should do is to wonder about the source of these automatic negative thoughts to benefit from them.

What we say to ourselves in the context of our self-talk is almost automatic; You notice, for example, that you are calm, and suddenly you are controlled by massive negative emotions and thoughts, so if you allow these thoughts to happen automatically, they will strengthen each other, and lead to more negative thoughts.

Practical advice: Stop when you notice that you are starting to talk to yourself negatively and critically, and instead of allowing these thoughts to happen automatically, take action and link the negative ideas to something positive you have done, for example:

• If you're worried about losing your job, remember how great it felt when you got a promotion or a new job.
• If your family members are making you angry, remember the last time you had a great time together.

The goal of this practice is to stop the flow of negative thoughts automatically and replace them with positive ideas; It may be helpful to practice deep breathing exercises, such as meditation, and not feel frustrated immediately if it takes some time, be patient and tolerant of yourself.

Conclusion: Summary of Advice

1. Identify negative self-critical thoughts and never ignore them.
2. Choose your favorite motivational phrases and repeat them throughout your day.
3. Set aside time in your day to stop thoughts from happening automatically, so you can replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
4. Change the environment that fosters your negative self-critical thoughts.
5. Replace the words "I must..." The question is, “Should I…?”

Finally, remember that you are an important person, and do not allow yourself or others to shake your faith in yourself because no one can insult you unless you permit it.