Note: This article is from Erin Falconer's blog, where she gives us 3 tips for making a big change in our lives when it seems impossible.
I realized that my belief that there was nothing I could do to change was an evasion. If I can't socialize with anyone, how can I grow my social network or develop the business I've started? I've had to overcome this and act differently, so I did what it takes.
I'll share three tips I used to achieve a significant life change that I previously believed was impossible. These tips are invaluable for any significant life transition. They have directly helped in the development of my professional network, solid support system, and excellent social network.
3 Tips for Making a Significant Life Transition When It Seems Impossible
1. Watch Your Language
As American author Tony Robbins said: “Your identity is nothing but the decisions you’ve made about who you are, what you’ve decided to fuse yourself with, the labels you give yourself that make up the person you are. The way you define your identity defines your life.”
Your perception of your life is directly influenced by the words you use to characterize both the world and yourself. Speaking negatively creates a difficult-to-break negative feedback loop and a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You have been using these negative words for years saying them automatically and unconsciously, so they have become ingrained in your brain. This is because these mental habits are connected to the basal ganglia, a primitive area of the brain that functions automatically to save mental energy for more crucial tasks.
You're also unintentionally feeding your mind with negative talk. Determining the words you use and when you use them will help you start to change these negative mental habits. Then, replace those words with ones that empower you. For example, if you suffer from “crippling shyness”, try saying something like, “I'm calm with others, but I'm working on improving that.”
You can lessen the intensity of the feelings you associate with your shyness by using softer language, such as "I'm calm." You are telling yourself that you are open to changing and acting when you include an action in the statement. This transforms a phrase that could defeat you into one that will empower you.
Write down the words you use to describe yourself and create new transformative phrases that will help change your self-perception.
2. Achieve Little Victories
Little victories are also known as mini goals which are smaller, more manageable objectives that you can strive toward and which will help you achieve success. For example, if you struggle with social anxiety and your primary goal is to attend special events and communicate with hundreds of people, you might set a mini goal of greeting five strangers on your way to work.
Dopamine, the "reward" chemical in the brain, is released when these little victories are set and met. This gives you a positive feedback loop that motivates you to accomplish more mini-goals and makes you feel happy. You can quickly convince yourself that change is possible by accomplishing a few little victories. Your ultimate goal might take several months or even years to accomplish, but gaining momentum by accomplishing smaller, more manageable objectives will help you get there.
3. Set Your Ego Aside
"This is me" is shorthand for "I want to hold on to a certain part of my ego." This might be acceptable in certain situations. But set your ego aside when you take an honest look inward and realize that change is necessary.
Exploring nature is one of the best ways to learn that the vast world around you is more important than your ego. Going outside and taking in the splendor of nature opens your eyes to a new perspective and makes you feel awestruck. Studies have indicated that even short-lived, awe-inspiring encounters boost contentment, humility, and intellectual curiosity. We become aware that there is a vast amount of space surrounding us and that we are but a tiny dot in the cosmos when we feel a sense of "wonder" or "awe."
Visit a nearby beach or engage in any other activity that fosters appreciation for the natural world. Feeling how tiny you are compared to this universe is the goal here. Gaining a new perspective on the world can help you realize that your ego may not be as important as you believe.
In Conclusion
Thinking differently is a necessary component of personal development. You can't fully live your life and fulfill your potential if you tell yourself, "This is me." Therefore, evaluate yourself honestly and consider whether altering a particular aspect of your personality would make a positive impact on your life. If so, watch your language, celebrate little victories, and set your ego aside.
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