Sometimes the direction of our lives changes within a fraction of a second. An ordinary decision can tamper with our stability. How many lives have been turned upside down for better or worse by unexpected events? These details always happen, and no matter how bad or good things seem now, they will undoubtedly change.
One suffers while resisting change, so one must learn to adapt, be flexible, and seek beauty in life's changes, even if they go against one's wishes.
5 examples of everyday life changes we all tend to resist
1. Suppose someone you respect gets angry with you and yells at you:
The change stems from the fact that we expect others to behave in a certain way and to treat us with kindness, fairness, and respect. Still, they are prone to losing their temper in some situations, which leads us to resist this change. It differs from our aspirations and expectations, so our perceptions and expectations change. Thus we reach a state of confusion, turmoil, and humiliation.
2. Your child may refuse to cooperate with you
We expect our children to behave in a certain way, but the reality is different because they grow up and mature. We become anxious when the reality of their current behavior does not match our expectations.
3. You may be fired or laid off from your job
One may confuse their work and identity amid their busy lives; this explains the complexity of things when you lose your work. This change affects not only your livelihood but also your identity. You lose your identity when you lose your job and start the journey to find a new one. You now have to deal with changes related to how you define yourself, which is difficult because resisting these changes and the financial difficulties resulting from the loss of work are very painful.
4. You may suddenly realize the weight of your responsibilities and obligations
This happens when you commit to many duties and feel exhausted from the weight of the responsibilities imposed on you and the lack of time allocated to accomplish them. You realize there are new changes because you cannot satisfy everyone or work on many obligations simultaneously. This bothers you because you thought you could accomplish all your responsibilities, but you were unable.
5. Death of a close friend or family member
Death is one of the harshest life changes experienced by humans. One does not go back to how they were when one lost the person who gave meaning to their life; rather, one becomes the friend who spends their time alone, the widow instead of the wife, and the father without his child.
We want life to return to how it was before the tragedy of death, but this is impossible. Change is the only constant in life; every fraction of a second differs from what it was before, yet we resist it.
The pain of life's changes is caused by our feeling of losing control over the transitions of reality contrary to our expectations. The secret to finding beauty in the folds of pain lies in facing change in sound ways, not miserable ones.
One can treat change in a desperate way through many methods
- Yelling at others and at ourselves.
- Alcoholic drinks
- Substance abuse
- Watching too many unhelpful TV shows.
- Giving up, lethargy and feeling sorry for ourselves.
We can handle this properly by
- Exercise.
- Meditation and mindfulness exercises.
- Discuss issues with a consultant or trainer.
- Focus on the next steps, such as trying to control things within our control rather than craving to control the uncontrollable.
Sound coping strategies require accepting life's changes as basic facts that need acceptance and coexistence and seeking beauty in their folds. The difficulty here lies in one's habit of resisting them.
How to find beauty in the above examples?
1. Someone you respect yells at you
This person may be in pain, frustrated, or angry; they pour their anger on you because they consider you close to them. They extend their hand, asking for help to get rid of a predicament they lost control of. It would help if you sympathized with the situation. Everyone is exposed to such circumstances, even you; there is beauty in these similarities, common suffering, and intertwined relations between humans.
You must accept this beautiful wounded person, feel the pain of facing change in their life, sympathize with them, and continue your life without taking what they say personally.
2. Your child refuses to obey your orders
Your child matures and declares their independence, thinks according to their own style, and proves that they are their own master and not just a follower who obeys orders. You must have gone through such a situation at work or at an early stage of your life, or that you were already angry because someone tried to control you. There is beauty in this type of development, independence, rebellious spirit, and maturity. Accept this beauty, be grateful for it, smile, and give your children space to learn and mature.
3. Being fired or laid off from work
Despite the difficulty of the matter, it is the end leading to the beginning of everything that comes after it. Let the lightness of the beginnings relieve you of the requirements and responsibilities imposed on you during your work as a professional and a successful human being. This new start is the beginning of a different story. It is an opportunity to renew your life and rediscover yourself. You must see the beauty in this opportunity and freedom from the constant routine and rebuild your life as you have always wanted.
4. Frequent concerns
There is no doubt that life is hard, and yet it is possible to appreciate the chaos of your daily obligations and tasks. You can't do everything, please everyone, or try to win on all fronts, but you can stop trying to take absolute control of all aspects of your life.
There is an arbitrary and unbridled beauty in the chaos of your day; that is the nature of life; it means that people, projects, desires, and ideas excite your feelings, so notice the pain in your resistance and the beauty in your struggle.
Accomplish your tasks one by one with passion and love, and don't strain yourself trying to accomplish them all at once.
5. Death of a loved one
There is no doubt that the most painful life change is death, and the resulting feelings of sadness and experience suggest that the loss of a loved one makes you unable to imagine life without them; it breaks your heart, and you may never overcome the bitterness of loss.
Death is the end, and it is an important part of life. Endings are necessary to sense beauty and appreciate the existence of people in our lives, and boundaries show that beauty and death have certain limits that cannot be exceeded.
Death makes us aware of the existence of this person or this beautiful situation and makes us appreciate our memories with them. Death is also a beginning because losing a special person in our lives is an opportunity to re-explore ourselves, as in the case of losing a job.
Departure pushes us to rediscover our lives and experience beauty in new places we have never noticed. Death is an opportunity to celebrate and be grateful for one's life.
In conclusion
One must appreciate their time even in moments filled with painful life changes, celebrating and living with the vicissitudes, transitions, lessons learned, and the power gained to rise above them.
Your personality is not determined by the circumstances you've been through; it's how you get through them that shapes your current and future personality.
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