Note: This article is from the blogger and musical director Julian Reeve, who directed the musical Hamilton, and talks about his experience with perfectionism and perfectionism in the details of his work.
Additionally, I experienced a heart attack at the age of 43 while traveling home following the concert.
Initially, I believed that my work-related stress was the reason behind it. However, further testing proved years of unhealthy living mixed with unrealistic perfectionism impulses were the root cause of it.
My lifestyle, which was aimed at silencing that inner critical and bullying voice, in addition to my low self-esteem, caused a 90% blockage in my right coronary artery. I've had two stents implanted for recovery, and I ended up seeking a psychiatrist.
Upon my psychiatrist's recognition of my dire need to strike a balance between the pursuit of perfection for both myself and others, inspired by the play 'Hamilton,' they introduced me to the concept of self-compassion. This established approach effectively weakens the association between perfectionism and depression, offering perfectionists healthy techniques to manage their personalities.
The concept of self-compassion has demonstrated its ability to redefine the rules
1. Seeking Perfection Prevents You From Achieving Your Goals
Before my heart attack, I held high expectations from both myself and my colleagues. I didn't pay much attention to the fact that each performance lasted three hours and involved singing 20,520 words at a rapid pace of 144 words per minute.
This is how 'Hamilton' was— an immensely anticipated show, poised to become an enduring piece in American popular culture. It needed to be accurate, precise, and perfect.
Deep down, I always knew that the chances of success for 35 cast members and ten musicians in their performances each night were slim. However, this didn't stop me from setting near-impossible standards that encouraged the team to deliver their best despite the pressure it might induce.
That was my favored approach to establishing high standards and earning respect globally. I assumed that pursuing perfection was the key to the team's success. Yet, upon embracing the concept of self-compassion, I began exploring better alternatives, initiating a change in my beliefs and approach.
Swiftly, I realized that my ethical leadership approach was pivotal in attaining nearly perfect results, not solely by demanding perfection. The collective drive to consistently offer our best was an enduring wellspring of inspiration, alongside the gratification of being part of such a significant and beautiful musical. This and a sense of pride helped us deliver the expected performance.
2. The Experience Is Equally As Significant As The Outcome
As far as I can recall, my constant focus was on the outcome of the tasks I engaged in rather than on the experience of getting there. While this approach had its merits, the journey towards achieving the result was often unsatisfying and draining, as I didn't prioritize self-care.
Practicing self-compassion changed my perspective. I learned that focusing on the experience, not just the result, enhances it. By finding enjoyment in the process, the results became remarkable. Instead of seeking perfection in every song, valuing the overall experience became my measure of success. Analyzing musical nuances, stage impact, and orchestral harmony, if the entire experience brought complete satisfaction, that was “perfection.”
Using this new approach often led to 'optimal performance.' Feeling more at ease during shows helped me deliver better and lead more effectively. I became more forgiving of mistakes, appreciating their journey and gaining insights to avoid them.
Since then, I've adopted this comprehensive approach across nearly every aspect of my work, inspiring those in my team to do the same. This consistently yields better results and an exponentially growing enjoyment in the process – an actual gain for everyone involved.
3. Understanding Others’ Expectations Achieves Equilibrium
Navigating middle management roles proves exceptionally challenging for perfectionists, particularly within performance-driven domains. Superiors often seek near-perfection daily, making it almost impractical to establish a sound balance in our work unless we commence analyzing and understanding our own, our subordinates', and our employers' expectations.
After several months post-heart attack, I made a list of these expectations. As anticipated, the results indicated my perception that perfection was the standard expected of everyone. Despite this, my emphasis on self-compassion urged me to question my conclusions.
Quickly, I realized that the sole individual expecting perfection was, in fact, myself. Upon contemplating my superiors, it dawned on me that perfection might have been the universal benchmark in all aspects of performance. Nonetheless, my manager was realistic enough to acknowledge that achieving perfection is markedly distinct from expecting it. For this, they would be satisfied if I consistently delivered top-quality work and earnestly followed instructions.
Similarly, I realized those I led didn't expect my perfection. They shared a common trait: valuing self-compassion and accepting mistakes as part of life.
These insights led me to realize that achieving a better work-life balance requires treating myself with the same kindness and forgiveness I give others. It's an ongoing process, and though I still struggle, I'm determined to reach my goal.
In Conclusion
These examples illustrate how self-compassion has helped me manage perfectionism and led to exceptional results. The power of self-compassion is substantial. Implementing it in the workplace and inspiring your employees to follow suit promises growth for you and your business.
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