The Effect of Using the Right Words on Accepting the People's Complex Nature

Note: This article is based on the blog post by Cy Wakeman, in which she discusses the impact of using appropriate words on accepting the complex nature of people.

There is one word I always say a simple and valuable letter of preposition that keeps me away from the illusion of limitations, helps me overcome the trap of duplicity, and pulls me out of the world of contradiction. This word I am talking about is the tiny letter "and".

This simple letter represents excellent power, frees me from contradiction and bad choices , and this minor letter eliminates despair, increases your knowledge and understanding and opens your heart; it indicates endless possibilities, which increases creativity and promotes innovation, and is the fastest possible solution to the most difficult dilemmas; It provides immediate different perspectives, and helps to get rid of judgment and suffering.

As in a single cell, the letter "and" can be represented by a unique symbol, the plural sign. The letter "and" can grow into something significant, complex and beautiful, and this letter is much more than just adding something to another. This letter not only recognizes two or more different aspects; it immediately raises my thinking level, allowing me to perceive and understand many things.

It also helps me overcome the pain inherent in duality; it pushes me to admit paradoxes and shows me how to do difficult things; who among us doesn't want to use this unique letter?

Many things can be right at once

One of the key things to feeling good about is understanding the many ways in which things that might seem contradictory can be right simultaneously; using the letter 'and' is a way to remove the blinders we impose on ourselves because of our limited vision.

If you can understand this idea and meditate on it, you will quickly reach the stage of feeling empathy and develop a greater tolerance for the chaos in this world in which we live.

Our minds, which have evolved to focus on survival, tend to adopt a “either/or” perspective, which limits possibilities and abilities and prevents you from achieving what you want in life. However, we assume this perspective repeatedly because the selfish self loves security and certainty and chooses these qualities instead of accuracy and complexity.

The innate "either/or" solution to cognitive dissonance is an obstacle to communication, purpose, and honest living,that is, to the things we crave. So, to live to the fullest in this chaos around us, we need to become skilled at paradoxical thinking and develop the ability to understand that most things can be true at once.

We also need to learn how to deal with the anxiety caused by cognitive dissonance, which appeals to our survival instinct and puts our pride on high alert. Still, through practice, we can thwart the goal of pride to feel better by eliminating the habit of thinking from an "either/or" perspective.

Trying to limit this beautiful and complex world within a two-dimensional, contrasting space will lead to long-term suffering. As we evolve to live with the discomfort that cognitive dissonance can cause, endless possibilities emerge. That's why I love the letter “and” so much. It helps relieve the stress of cognitive dissonance and gives us a richer experience.

Opening Hearts and Minds

Another thing that constrains us is the insistence on simplicity when it comes to feelings; the letter “and” permits us to feel all our feelings, acknowledging complex feelings that seem contradictory and that we simultaneously often feel.

In the past year or so, I've started having meetings and conversations with people by asking them to express two feelings they're feeling right now. The answers I've heard have been inspiring. I've heard things like, "I'm worried about the future, and I'm also excited about what's possible. " The experience and acceptance of most emotions at the same time give way to creativity and indicate an openness to new ideas. When people open their hearts, their knowledge and understanding also increase.

Expressing feelings

The ability to feel different emotions at the same time allows you to live a multidimensional life. It determines your entire reality through many feelings and not only through one sense, and when you realize that feelings come quickly and recede in the end, there is no need to fear feeling them at the moment.

Believing that we can only feel one emotion at a time is a trap and can lead to wrong decisions; For example, if I lose my ex-husband, does that mean I made a mistake in breaking up? Or  if I feel joy and relief after going through a painful divorce, does that mean I've never loved him? Of course not, as I can miss him and love him and also realize that the decision of separation that I made is the right decision for me, and it is not possible to count the feelings as true or false; they are just feelings; So I feel and release them. It is okay to feel different feelings at the same time; this is entirely normal and human nature, and the letter "and" will help you realize that.

The letter “and” promotes self-acceptance

The letter "and" is also useful for not paying attention to feedback. For example, if someone tells you how to look at you, it does not mean they must identify you. Humans are complex and multifaceted beings; sometimes we can be kind, other times we can be cruel, sometimes you can be good at managing money, other times we spend money recklessly, as well as we can be loving parents and find ourselves yelling at our children.

By remembering that feedback doesn't define you, it's easy to downplay your defensiveness; you can accept the possibility that what you're being told is true between your pros and cons, leading to increased self-compassion and acceptance.

When you feel like you're in trouble, try swapping the word “but” for “and” and feel the change coming:

• I made a mistake, but (and), I can try to fix mine.
• I'm disappointed in your choice, but (and) I love you.
• I understand your point of view, but (and) I have a different point of view than yours.
• I'm doing my best, but (and) I can do my best even more.

The letter "and" is a way to form a broader and more realistic view of ourselves and others. It becomes unnecessary to strive to be more kind because you will be more kind, and using the letter "and" can open your heart to sympathy and help you see people from a different perspective. So the next time you find yourself upset with someone or describe them in words, try using the letter "and", and your view will change immediately.

Providing security while inviting others to greatness

The letter “and” can help people talk about complex topics and do complicated things. It is one of the ways I have learned to provide security for others while they call for greatness. The letter “and” helps you stay in a relationship with someone while you participate in creating a better future and allows the human being to grow and develop, and sometimes even retreat.

The letter “and” is a way to reassure and ask for something different; its use preserves empathy as a basis in conversations that need behavior that may be undesirable or that needs to change without questioning whether the person is kind.

Expand your thinking

If a dilemma is seen as a contradiction, innovation will be killed , scarcity invoked and innovative solutions lost, which side have you chosen?

Who decided to divide the world into two? I  only believe in one, the human world, and I want to be on the side that considers all the people on this planet into account: the world is abundant, your pride will want you to think otherwise, and it will show great boldness under times that require problem-solving.

Sometimes when I have meetings with staff, I respond to one option that may seem difficult between two options I don't like by asking, “Where is the letter?” and“ Here?”.

The letter “and” is useful to save; I combine the words “yes” and “and”, which gives me possibilities without feeling that I must face them all; we can dream together deeply without worrying that my responsibility is to achieve your dream.

In conclusion

In today's world, the letter “and” is more important than ever ; the letter “and” is a symbol of “I'm sure I don't know everything” and I may not be able to have it all, but I can accept everything as real and possible, and cognitive dissonance doesn't have to reduce the odds; it can increase our ability to live in this mess.

Knowing  and accepting the fact that several things may be true at once makes living in this chaos more peaceful. If you allow the letter “and” to begin working, this gentle little letter will give you a broad world perspective.