Although both personalities do not fit, they are attracted to each other and fill the emotional void for each other. This is because the narcissist needs someone who sanctifies them, and the borderline personality clings to personalities who have high confidence and charge them with the self-esteem and attention they need.
The difference between the two personalities is clear and obvious, as they are as different as fire and water, like a storm wind and a morning breeze.
Borderline personality disorder
Dr. Adolf Stern defines this type of disorder as a mitigated type of schizophrenia, and the carrier of this type of disorder is usually characterized by seeing things from a binary and extreme perspective. This disorder severely affects a person's ability to manage their emotions and thus causes a lot of fatigue and exhaustion for the other party.
Characteristics of a borderline person
- Fear of abandonment or chronic anxiety about losing a friend or partner.
- Feeling unworthy of love and affection.
- Sharp mood swings: at one point they violently despise their partner while at another they fiercely love them; at one point they are extremely happy while at another they are utterly unhappy.
- They keep their feelings inside until they explode with anger at those around them.
- Suspicion and fear of everyone; That is, they are afraid of abandonment and abuse from everyone.
- Fear of the unknown, insecurity, and negative thoughts.
- Impulsiveness and recklessness, as they take decisions and actions without the slightest thought.
- Sudden rage brought on by the dread of abandonment and swift calm.
- Inability to bear pressure.
- idealizing or demonizing the other. A borderline individual will occasionally waste money.
- Existence is split in two. In other words, they don't perceive the other colors since life is built on strong love or intense hate, victory or loss, palace or grave, strength or weakness, white or black, and as a result, their self-confidence fluctuates between being very high and very low.
- Emotional emptiness and a constant feeling of frustration and helplessness.
- Self-harm by using drugs and suicide.
- Self-flagellation and exaggerated self-blame.
- Strong inner feelings of inadequacy and a negative self-image.
- Permanent loneliness.
- Cruel and even bloody revenge.
- Identity disorder and difficulty in self-identification.
- Excessive sensitivity to criticism.
- They have great charisma.
- Sharp-tongued and very hurtful, they quickly repent and ask for forgiveness.
- Complete detachment from reality and illusion.
- The contradiction in personality is that sometimes they behave in a childish manner and other times in a serious manner.
- Their actions are unpredictable.
Narcissistic personality disorder
Dr. Ramani defines the narcissistic personality as being characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance. The origin of the name of the narcissistic disorder goes back to a character in Greek mythology who was so impressed by his reflection in the sea that he threw himself onto it and drowned.
Characteristics of narcissistic disorder
- Self-aggrandizement, excessive arrogance, insolence, and selfishness.
- Total sympathy or no sympathy at all.
- Controling in all relationships.
- The need for reverence and admiration. They exploit the other but feel guilt and shame.
- Demeaning and underestimating others.
- They get angry at anyone who does not carry out their desires.
- Punishing the partner with punitive silence and threatening to leave.
- Despite threatening their partner to leave, they are unable to leave them.
- Throw the responsibility and blame on the other.
- It is impossible for them to admit their mistake, and they never apologize, as they see themselves as flawless.
- Self-esteem and glorification.
- Paranoia.
- They have great charisma.
- They have delusions that they are perfect.
- They imagine that they are better and higher than others.
- Unnaturally stubborn, even if they are wrong.
- Manipulating minds and confusing attitudes.
- Excessive sensitivity to criticism.
- The feeling of entitlement.
- Multiple social relationships.
How do narcissists and borderline personalities interact?
Psychological expert Ramani confirms that borderline and narcissistic personalities are in the same category of psychological disorders, but they are different. Each personality has its own characteristics and methodology for dealing with matters, and the doctor stresses that both personalities are not fit to meet with each other.
Because the atmosphere will become suffocating, volatile, and vengeful and will end in breaking hearts and hurting feelings. If you find these two people together in one house, then you must flee.
The narcissist intervenes and shields the borderline personality from the flames of unkind criticism because they are sensitive and cannot accept it. The narcissist threatens to have them go while pouring a hell of icy feelings, neglect, and silent punishment on the borderline since they are unable to respond or express their feelings out of fear of losing the other side.
This is what drives the borderline to injure themselves, and in an effort to appease the narcissist, the borderline apologizes and acts condescendingly in order to avoid being abandoned to their loneliness. The narcissist criticizes and humiliates the borderline until they are returned to their proper place. The borderline are stifled by these narcissistic techniques, which cause them to experience oppression, psychological stress, despair, and even physical ailments.
The borderline person is fully aware that the narcissist is manipulating and exploiting them, but they continue the relationship so as not to be left or thrown away. This makes them submissive, while the narcissist tries to feel their presence through control and fascination. Both parties use different tools to compensate for the feelings they lack.
The narcissist won't have the patience to correct their arrogant personality when a conflict arises between the two parties and the borderline defends themselves by cursing and harsh criticism. In this case, the narcissist confuses the scene and places the responsibility on the borderline without ever admitting their error or offering any sort of apology.
The latter are negatively impacted by this and begin to doubt their mental ability. They beat themselves, lower themselves once again, and go back to the narcissist defeated and sorry, as if to say, "I hate you, but don't leave," because the narcissist is their intimate adversary and they both love and loathe them deeply.
The narcissist is harmed by the borderline person because of their sharp tongue, detachment from reality, unbalanced love, childish behavior, and unexpected behavior. Thus, the borderline person tries to improve their treatment, so they show excessive generosity in order to obtain crumbs of feelings from the narcissist.
However, the narcissist is not satisfied because they feel entitled, so they do not thank or express their gratitude, and this increases the psychological pressure on the borderline person and makes them feel exploited.
For the narcissist who wants to control, the borderline is like a hidden gem, and the borderline does not accept people who exercise control. The borderline is extremely scared of abandonment, and they feel doomed when they feel abandoned and ignored.
If it gets out of control, they are threatened with leaving. As a result, the dialogue shifts back to criticism and insult, which leaves the narcissist with a significant amount of hurt. The borderline then apologizes once more.
And whenever the circle of narcissistic exploitation continues in this way, the borderline person explodes with anger at the narcissist and degrades them until they quickly return to their calmness and reconcile with the narcissist.
This scenario is repeated over and over until the borderline realizes that they cannot continue giving them generously and thus leaves. The borderline person's departure causes great narcissistic wounds and anger to the opposite party, which they will not be able to forget for the rest of their lives, and makes them think that the borderline person will not be able to succeed without them.
However, if the narcissist does not change their behavior, the borderline person will succumb to depression, which will lead them to substance abuse, self-harm, suicide, or leaving. After the narcissist is done with their abuse, they immediately begin to search for another source of supply, and thus the cycle of narcissistic exploitation continues.
The bottom line is that the borderline personality and the narcissist are both harmful, except that the borderline harms themselves only and has no intention of harming others, but they cause fatigue and psychological exhaustion for those who are around them, unlike the narcissist, who wants to take everything for themselves without limits and is stingy when giving.
The greatest calamity is that they take advantage of others from a material and moral standpoint, then place blame and responsibility on them and never admit their mistake or apologize. This is what makes this relationship exploitative and toxic in the short term.
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