Emotional intelligence is a soft skill. HR professionals often look for people who have a high level of emotional intelligence. Although it might seem easier to provide training for so-called hard skills, improving emotional intelligence is a goal that we achieve through practice.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Leadership expert Robert K. Cooper defines emotional intelligence as: “the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumens of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence.”
Emotional intelligence refers to your ability to recognise your emotions and manage them in a way that allows you to harness them rather than letting them control you. It also includes your ability to interpret and respond to other people's emotions appropriately.
How to Develop Emotional Intelligence?
Realising the power of your emotional intelligence and the ability to communicate this power to others will help you succeed in your relationships and personal goals. This requires diligent and continuous effort. We will present nine tips to help you get started:
1. Unleash your emotions
When a child matures, parents teach them to repress these six emotions: Happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust. Little girls are taught that “grown-up girls do not cry,” and boys are asked to “act like men.” This gives children of both genders the implicit idea that suppressing feelings is a “mature” way to behave.
The issue with suppressing feelings is that they will eventually surface or transform into unpleasant ones. They may manifest as psychological issues or physical symptoms if they are not properly communicated or cared for. Even more detrimental than repression is a phenomenon known as emotional avoidance, in which feelings and their expression are substituted with unhealthy behaviours like drug or alcohol addiction, bulimia, or compulsive exercise.
To avoid this, do not evade your emotions. Name them accurately and expand your awareness of these six emotions to distinguish between anger, disappointment, and frustration and between joy, happiness, and excitement.
Many words in various languages can be used to express the same feeling, like "love." Greek terms for love, for example, include "storge," which denotes love between family members; "philia," which denotes love toward a close friend; and "eros," which denotes romantic love. Therefore, express your feelings clearly and precisely, just as the Greek language does when expressing love.
2. Separate stimulus from the response
The idea that something could evoke feelings in us is ingrained in popular culture. A speaker would just say, "This may be sensitive to some people in attendance," if they wanted to inform the audience about a tragic incident. However, the approach of Austrian neurologist Viktor Frankl, who is well-known for his theory that "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response," is a more successful way to bring up emotions.
Emotionally intelligent people know that emotions do not arise out of nowhere; they are a response they create themselves. When you begin to realise this, try to figure out why you hold your beliefs and where they came from. After that, you'll better identify emotional patterns and responses that aren't helping you.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is a great tool to avoid overthinking. Scientific literature has long linked emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and meditation.
Meditation helps you be mentally present in a way that calms your body and paves the way to emotional intelligence. Mindfulness has been shown to help recognise the feelings of others around us, increase empathy, and improve a person's ability to use their emotions to manage stress.
4. Know that it is important to be aware of how you express your emotional response
It is common to hear someone say, “How do you feel about that?” or “You make me angry.” You begin to control your emotions by expressing them in a non-frustrating way. This helps you become more emotionally intelligent. As your thoughts become a reality, do your best to talk about your feelings in a way that puts you in charge.
5. Know that what can be measured is of great importance
Things like emotional intelligence might seem abstract or theoretical, but it is measurable. For example, try taking one of the emotional intelligence tests online.
6. Empathize with yourself and others
Empathy is kindness, caring, and a willingness to help. Empathy is your ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes, and showing empathy is the reaction resulting from that experience.
Kristin Neff's research indicates that self-empathy involves mindfulness rather than overthinking, humanity rather than isolation, and self-compassion rather than self-judgment. Understanding that self-empathy and empathy for others are two traits of a self-assured person requires emotional intelligence. To cultivate both traits, focus on being patient and kind to yourself and having good intentions toward other people.
7. Develop your social skills
When you socialise and communicate with others, learn to read the emotional cues they send and put yourself in their shoes. To develop your emotional intelligence, join a reading club, introduce yourself to new people at a conference, or join a sports team.
Like your muscles, emotional intelligence requires regular development to reach its optimal state. A single trip to the gym won't give you the desired physique.
8. Manage your stress and emotions in healthy ways
Life is stressful, and things can go wrong. You might fail a test, get into a car accident, or lose your job. You will wear yourself out if you try to control difficulties rather than learning to cope with them.
People who struggle to manage their stress frequently resort to social withdrawal or self-care. Instead, use motivating words like:
- I can accept other people's comments without getting angry.
- I can maintain my composure even in stressful times.
9. Express yourself
Not all expressions are verbal; they might come in other forms, such as dancing, drawing, and sculpture. When you feel something, say it out loud and recognise your feelings.
"Do you consider yourself a thermostat or a thermometer?" is a crucial question that has been posed. It would be wise to consider this. This indicates self-regulation that does not resemble repression, which helps you become more emotionally intelligent.
Exercises to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence
Many people wonder whether emotional intelligence is an innate or acquired skill. Anyways, some exercises can help you boost your emotional intelligence. These exercises are:
1. Review your emotions and feelings
This is done by journaling all the feelings you experience throughout the day, whether joyful or depressing, comfortable or uncomfortable. The goal is reviewing them, identifying their source, assessing the appropriateness of the behaviour they produced and whether it needs to be modified or reinforced, and determining whether or not you were in control of your reactions. This method assists a person in mastering the regulation and direction of their emotions and feelings in the future.
2. Ask yourself questions
Whether a feeling is good, bad, or average, it is beneficial for an individual to ask themselves about it and rate it on a scale of 0 to 10, allowing them to assess their feelings at the end of the day. This approach facilitates the precise identification of emotions and their relationship to thoughts and behaviours, allowing for an accurate and rational assessment of those emotions. A person assigns a grade to every situation they encounter.
3. Linking feelings to thoughts and behaviour
When someone notices themselves acting or thinking unusually, they need to pause and consider the emotions that caused those actions or thoughts. By using this technique, individuals can better control their emotions and keep their thoughts and behaviours thoughtful and detached from their feelings and reactions.
4. Do not avoid your feelings
Many of us wish to block out unpleasant emotions by scattering or intercepting them with other emotions. This is wrong because it causes someone to be ignorant of the sources of their emotions, which leaves them unable to control them. A person should accept their feelings, deal with them, and be able to determine what they want from them to improve their strengths and address their weaknesses when feelings overwhelm them.
5. Listen to your body’s cues
We frequently disregard the signals our bodies send us. For example, if you get butterflies in your stomach before going to work, this job is likely stressful for you. You are nervous if your heart rate increases prior to talking to your manager. Many other signs are bodily messages which manifest as distinct thoughts and behaviours and are reflected in an individual's emotions. In such cases, one should not ignore these messages because they have an important role in identifying the feelings that accompany these messages, addressing the wrong ones, and reinforcing the correct ones.
6. Establish a repository for emotions
The foundation of this approach is that whenever someone experiences a particular emotion, they should ask themselves, "When did I feel this feeling before?" This method helps a person assess their current emotional state and determine whether it reflects a past emotional state or a brand-new emotion.
7. Monitor your subconscious feelings
When relaxed, pay attention to your thoughts, analyze your subconscious emotions, and record your dreams by writing them down. Above all, pay attention to the ideas and dreams that stir up strong emotions in you.
8. Take an emotional intelligence test
This determines a person's precise emotional quotient (EQ), which helps them identify their strengths and weaknesses, build on them, and improve their weaknesses.
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