Note: This article is based on Marc Chernoff, in which he tells us about 7 false assumptions that destroy our relationships with others.
We may often rush to judge others, make personal judgments, assume and believe things about them, and fall victim to our perceptions and prejudices.
I remember the day I received an email that said:
"I learned through a harrowing experience that a smile can hide a lot behind it. Although you may look at a person and see them smiling, you do not know what they are hiding and what they are suffering in life.
This fact became clear to me this morning, as I discovered that one of my best students, who had always seemed to look at life positively and always smiled, committed suicide yesterday. No one knows the reason, and the incident of her death hurts me very much.”
Things you should stop assuming about others
What we believe about other people and what we think we know about them is very far from reality. So I wrote this article after remembering seven things you should stop assuming about others:
1. People who smile a lot are happy
Sometimes polite smiles and gentle treatment hide pain and loneliness. So do not be superficial in dealing with others. Show them care and love, and listen to them. We may not be able to see the pain of others, but we can be kind to them as much as possible.
2. Those we love, and respect cannot let us down
When we expect perfection, we ignore the positive aspects. The truth is that no one is perfect. Sometimes the self-confident person loses confidence, the person known for a lot of patience runs out of patience, the altruist acts selfishly, and the enlightened person appears as if they know nothing.
This may happen to all of us. We make mistakes, get angry, and be taken by surprise. We stumble, fail, and collapse sometimes. What is strange is that we overlook our faults, but we rarely overlook the faults of others. So treat people the same way you treat yourself. After all, we are all human beings.
3. The way we do things is correct, and the rest is wrong
We all go different ways pursuing achievements, happiness, and success. So just because others don't follow your path doesn't mean they're wrong.
4. People we disagree with don't deserve our sympathy and kindness
The way we treat people with whom we strongly disagree is an expression of how much we understand love, empathy, compassion, and humanity.
5. We cannot trust people we do not know
Some people put a lot of barriers between them and others, and in return, they rarely allow communication with them. Do not be of this type, be open and trust others a little so they can prove trustworthy.
6. Rude treatment by some people is a personal matter
Even if it seems personal, the behavior of others is rarely related to us but associated with the other party. When we understand this fact, we gain a lot of freedom. So remember that the way others treat you is their business, but how you interact with it is your business.
7. Others are the reason for our unhappiness, our failure, and everything bad that has happened to us
We often cannot control what other people do or say, but we can decide not to be affected by their actions or words. We can forgive them or take any action that helps our personality grow. There is always a positive choice that can be made. Therefore, the only battle you fight in life is not with others but with yourself, represented by your reactions and your daily habits.
Two tips for dealing with people who insult us
Some of the methods we have mentioned may require a willingness to deal with people who make us angry because of their rude treatment. They do not behave in a way we think is polite, and sometimes their behavior is very offensive. If we allow these people to cross their boundaries with us again and again, we will feel distraught and offended.
There may not be a solution that works for everyone, but these two tips often work:
1. Stop thinking like a little kid
Imagine the anger of a two-year-old girl who does not get what she wants immediately. As simple as this problem is, the child sees it as a disaster because her perception of things is young, like her age. She does not yet have the correct perspective of things, but we are adults, and we know and understand things better. We know that many other things make this child happy.
It is easy to say this because our understanding is better. However, when someone insults us, our perception immediately changes to that of a child, and this teasing that we suffer becomes a terrible thing that makes us angry, and we behave just like a child of only two years old. But if we can maintain a mature sense of things, we will see the teasing as a trivial thing of hardly any importance and not worth our energies.
So, the solution is always to remember to stay mature, think like a mature person, and keep a broad perspective.
2. Empathize with the other person and understand them
This easy way can positively change our view of people who offend us. For example, suppose someone has just said something upsetting to us. The first thing you say to yourself might be: "How rude. Who do they think they are? Don't they appreciate our feelings?".
However, we also forget that, with this reaction, we do not give any weight to this person's feelings. This person may be suffering psychologically in an unimaginable way. When we consider this, we will be able to show sympathy for these people because we now realize that their suffering is why they behave this way. So we must understand them as we know that this person is in pain. We can also remember moments when we were in pain, so we decided to sympathize with them.
In conclusion
We are similar in many ways and need sympathy and a little unexpected love. So try one of these two tips the next time you get insulted by someone. Smile and take a deep breath, and don't let other people's behavior force you to act in a way that doesn't fit your principles.
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