The Subtle Art of Getting What You Want

Sometimes, we need something from others but are uncomfortable asking for it directly, so we find creative ways to express our needs and requirements without hurting our feelings or creating misunderstandings.

In this article, we will explore some of these tricks, which, when used correctly, will ensure we’re accepted by others and get what we need from them smoothly and politely. This post is for you if you're interested in learning how to get what you want from other people strategically.

The Intelligent Way to Get What You Want

Use Emotional Intelligence Skills

Learning emotional intelligence (EQ) skills is the first step to using them wisely to get what you want from others. Simply put, emotional intelligence is a set of skills that allow you to understand and manage your emotions and those of others. EQ helps you get what you want from others by:

1. Understanding Others' Emotions:

EQ helps you understand others' feelings and perspectives, allows you to communicate better, and allows you to get what you need easily.

2. Clearly Expressing Your Emotions

EQ enables you to clearly and appropriately express your feelings, which prevents misunderstandings and helps communicate your needs.

3. Empathising with Others

EQ allows you to empathise with and feel for others, helping you build strong, positive relationships that facilitate getting what you want.

4. Effectively Resolving Conflicts

EQ helps effectively and peacefully resolve conflicts, maintain relationships, and achieve positive outcomes for everyone, which helps you get what you want.

5. Effective Leadership

EQ helps you become an effective leader, motivating and managing others better so you can smoothly get your requests fulfilled by your team.

6. Teamwork

EQ enhances your ability to work effectively with others and achieve team goals.

7. Managing Stress

EQ helps you manage stress and anxiety, leading to better emotional control.

8. Boosting Self-Confidence

EQ enhances self-confidence and improves your sense of satisfaction with yourself.

Remember, emotional intelligence is not just a skill but a comprehensive approach. Use it ethically and responsibly, not to manipulate others. True intelligence lies in building strong relationships with others rather than just getting what you want.

Initiate

Initiative is a positive behaviour with numerous benefits that help you get what you want. Taking the initiative doesn't always mean expecting something in return, but it opens the door to more boldly asking for what you need. Here’s how initiatives can help you secure your requests from others:

1. Showing Interest

Taking the initiative shows that you care about others and want to engage with them, making them more likely to fulfil your requests.

2. Building Trust

Initiating communication and offering help builds trust between you and others, enhancing the likelihood of your requests being accepted and your needs being met.

3. Breaking the Ice

Starting conversations helps ease communication and the exchange of ideas, which improves your chances of acceptance.

4. Creating New Opportunities

Proposing new ideas and solutions opens up new opportunities for collaboration, and it can make others more willing to meet your demands.

5. Demonstrating Responsibility

Taking the initiative to complete tasks and take on responsibilities shows your commitment and competence, increasing others' respect and willingness to assist you.

6. Motivating Others

Being proactive and upbeat motivates people and fosters teamwork, making them more likely to accommodate your requirements.

7. Overcoming Shyness

Initiating communication helps you overcome shyness and develop social skills, thus achieving your interests.

8. Learning New Skills

Participating in new activities and experiences helps you learn new skills and broaden your horizons, thereby increasing your chances of meeting people who can help you achieve your goals.

Be Clear When Making Requests

Clarity in dealing with others is a positive behaviour with many benefits. However, it's essential to understand the difference between rudeness and clarity before exploring them. Clarity doesn’t conflict with politeness; it means being direct in your requests without resorting to hints. Clarity has several advantages, such as:

1. Clear expression of your thoughts and feelings prevents misunderstandings and facilitates effective communication.
2. Clarity in interactions enhances mutual trust.
3. Being clear about your needs and desires shows respect for others and their time, making them more likely to help you out of respect for your transparency.
4. Clearly presenting your viewpoint and listening to others helps resolve conflicts effectively and achieve the desired harmony.
5. Clearly defining tasks and goals for your team members helps complete them efficiently.
6. Clear instructions and expectations motivate others and improve team spirit.
7. The clarity in interactions reduces stress and anxiety, making you and others feel more comfortable, which helps you fulfill your needs.

Be Kind

Some people mistakenly believe that those with power, aggression, and influence get what they want easily. This may be true to some extent, but such methods often lead to the coercion of needs. Moreover, certain needs, especially emotional ones, cannot be fulfilled through force and coercion.

Kindness is, therefore, a crucial tool—gentle but potent. Here are some clever and covert ways that being kind to people might help you get what you want:

• Kindness shows that you care about others and are willing to help them. People naturally gravitate towards kind individuals and are more eager to assist them.
• Kindness builds trust between you and others, demonstrating your strength and self-reconciliation. Consequently, they appreciate you, and they won't hesitate to meet your needs.

Here are some ways to show your kindness and intelligently get what you want from others:

1. Smile

A smile translates into friendliness and welcome.

2. Maintain Eye Contact

Eye contact indicates your interest in and respect for others.

3. Speak Politely and Respectfully

Use polite language and avoid speaking in a loud or aggressive tone.

4. Listen Attentively

Pay close attention to others' viewpoints.

5. Show Gratitude

Thank others for their help and support.

By paying attention to the above tips, you can employ kindness to effectively get what you want and improve your relationships with people.

Ask for What’s Feasible

An old saying goes, “He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command.” Logical requests are clear and direct, grounded in reason and common sense. It’s unreasonable, for example, to ask a modest employee to lend you a million dollars. Sensible requests increase your chances of meeting your needs, as they are easier for others to understand and comply with.

Making sensible and logical requests encourages others to agree with you, which increases the possibility of their approval. Be reasonable if you want your requests to be met. Understand the other party’s capabilities, the nature of your relationship, and the mutual benefits that qualify you to ask for their help and get a favourable response.

Choose the Right Time

Timing is key when you want your request to be granted. Choosing the right moment is essential to skillfully getting what you need. It allows you to:

• Choose a time when the other person is ready and receptive to your request, increasing the chances of approval.
• Avoid times when the person is busy or tired, as they reduce the likelihood of a favourable response.
• Prevent misunderstandings, as asking for something when someone is in a hurry or distracted increases the chance of miscommunication.

Express Gratitude

People might often ask you for favours, and you grant them for personal reasons. However, not everyone is accustomed to expressing gratitude. Most take what they need from you and leave without a word, which can be discouraging, no matter how much you claim you don't expect anything in return.

I’m familiar with this type, having worked for a period at a call centre. They hang up without saying "thank you" after they have their questions answered. Such experiences teach us the importance of being thankful and appreciative of anyone who provides assistance, a favour, or even a task that’s part of their job.

Gratitude communicates appreciation and respect and inherently promotes goodness in others. Remember to express your gratitude to anyone who grants your requests, even if it's just a cup of coffee. They will be delighted to help you and keen to fulfill your requests as best they can, just because of this.

In Conclusion

We have offered our seven golden rules for effectively fulfilling your requests: Be kind, be clear, be thankful, choose the right time and request, take the initiative to fulfil others’ requests or offer your assistance, and master EQ skills. These steps greatly influence every aspect of your life. Finally, we wish you constant fulfilment of your wishes and the unconditional acceptance of others.