We should always say yes to opportunities. We fear our refusal will lead to losing money and missing out on fun and other experiences. However, by always saying yes, we do not value our time. We blindly say yes to everything we are offered, so we don't see rejection as a skill or something necessary for success and happiness.
If you are at work and your boss asks you to turn in a report before the end of the day, you say, “Sure.” But in doing so, it interrupts your work and often forces you to put other things aside.
We say yes to many things in our personal lives all the time. When friends ask us out while we have other things to do, and we agree to their request. We are doing friends or acquaintances a favor without thinking about it. We even say yes to more significant things we don't want. For example, we take jobs we don't like or start relationships with people we don't like.
We do this because we fear rejection and letting people down, and ultimately we avoid confrontation. The pressure of rejection often causes us to say yes automatically. When we say yes reluctantly, we complain or blame ourselves, "Why can't I simply say no?"
One of the reasons we find it difficult to say no is because we want to live up to the expectations of others, and sometimes we have to make decisions that will affect the outcome of our lives. So, in these cases, you must not be afraid of rejection. When parents expect their children to go to university, children often succumb to pressure. We are all unique and have things we want in life. So, asking people to do something they don't like is unfair (no matter how much you want to). If you don't want to go to college for a good reason, don't go. We have to follow our passion and make our way.
Methods of rejection
Refusal isn't a crime. Your friends and family will understand and continue to care about you, even when you can't make some social commitments. If your friends don't, it's time to find new friends. When we care about a person, we must continue to care about them even if they miss some activities with us.
In addition, when it comes to your job, you must reject everything that is unnecessary to your work. People will respect you for doing your job and not wasting time on meetings and coffee breaks.
Here are four ways to say no, based on the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown:
1. Indirect rejection
Initiating rejection can be embarrassing. So, most people prefer to start with an indirect approach. In your personal life, you might say, "I'd like to join you for dinner, but I have to work on this project because it's important to me." It's okay to make excuses to avoid saying "yes." The main point of refusal is that you want to avoid doing something. So, find a way to say no, without feeling uncomfortable.
3. Promise to answer later
We are often surprised by invitations or requests from people and feel pressured to respond to these requests immediately. So, the next time you are surprised by an invitation, often on the phone or in person, tell them you have to look at your calendar, and you will answer them later. Alternatively, we have to discuss this invitation with the partner or family first before we can answer.
3. Conditional acceptance
You don't always have to say no. When your boss asks you to collect information before the end of the day, you can't say no, but what you can do is force your manager to set priorities. If you work in sales, for example, you can say, "I can give you the information, but that means I can't make the ten calls we agreed on today, do you have a problem with that?" With this conditional acceptance, we force people to prioritize, which shows that you have a lot of tasks to perform.
4. Direct refusal
Once you feel comfortable saying no often, you can take the final step in mastering it. At first, we give people excuses for why we cannot do something. We say that we cannot have lunch because of a “doctor’s appointment,” or we feel embarrassed to simply say, “I can’t make lunch this week.” But when you master saying no, you stop making excuses and start saying no firmly. With practice comes mastery.
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