6 Ways To Deal With Rejection

Note: This article is by Erin Falconer, who shares 6 steps for dealing with feelings of rejection.

I meticulously prepared answers to potential questions, only for the interviewer to detect my hidden lack of self-confidence behind those rehearsed responses. As a result, I was rejected. Consequently, I refrained from applying for jobs or attending interviews for the entire year.

Experiencing rejection is a standard part of life, yet each instance brings a sense of shock and disappointment.

The Definition Of Rejection

Rejection involves excluding or dismissing an individual from a group, disregarding their thoughts, emotions, or emotional connection. When this exclusion is deliberate, the human mind perceives it as a form of rejection. Moreover, psychologists refer to this phenomenon as "social rejection," which is an incredibly painful emotional experience.

Some self-help experts argue that rejection should not evoke a painful feeling. However, they support this claim with weak arguments, such as:

1. One can actively opt for happiness as an enduring, innate mental state, regardless of the surrounding circumstances.
2. Individuals shouldn't strive for the acceptance and admiration of others.
3. Cultivating personal happiness is a foundational step toward experiencing fulfillment in relationships.

If these arguments were valid, life would be significantly more accessible and simpler. Unfortunately, the reality is quite different.

In a research study conducted at the University of Kentucky, social psychology professor Nathan DeWall, Ph. D., emphasized the fundamental human need for emotional connections and a sense of belonging, comparing it to the necessity of food and water for survival.

This is due to a shared neural alert system that responds to physical and social distress, which explains why rejection evokes a sense of pain.

6 Ways To Deal With Rejection

One can effectively manage the pain of rejection by proactively addressing feelings of rejection before they begin to affect them significantly.

Here are six steps to deal with various types of rejection:

1. Embrace Your Uniqueness

Each individual carries their unique perception of the world around them. This implies that individuals might act differently from what you expect or hope for from them. Not letting this variance between reality and your expectations hurt your feelings is crucial. Embracing and acknowledging the diversity in people's viewpoints is the initial step in avoiding feelings of rejection in situations that don't inherently entail rejection.

2. Prepare Oneself For Both Negative And Positive Outcomes

This step entails imagining two potential outcomes for the situation: one being positive and the other negative. It's crucial to support each with sound reasoning to prevent being caught off guard by others' reactions.

3. Data Analysis

Suppose you plan to propose to the girl you love. In this scenario, you face two possibilities: the first is that she agrees to your proposal due to your attractiveness, intelligence, and charm (you can provide 2-3 convincing reasons). The second possibility is that she rejects your proposal because she's not interested in marriage at the moment, or there's someone else in her life, or you may not be the right match for her.

4. Objectivity

This method accomplished two goals. The first entailed considering both positive and negative potential outcomes, while the second assisted in coping with distressing emotions arising from a negative outcome by logically examining its potential causes. In the previous example, three reasons for rejection were identified, two of which were not directly related to you. This analytical approach can prevent you from taking the negative outcome personally.

5. Avoid Taking Things Personally

The previous example highlights the importance of understanding that rejection is not always about you. Instead, it signifies a mismatch between what is sought and what you can offer. When one lid doesn't fit another box, blaming it for being too big or too small is irrelevant due to the differing purposes each serves.

6. Seek New Relationships

Rejection becomes more complex when it comes to relationships. It might range from unfulfilled expectations in everyday situations to the profound hurt of betrayal. Rejection in relationships arises from various reasons, and identifying these causes can often be the most challenging aspect.

The proper way to deal with the feelings of pain involves seeking new relationships by reviving your friendships and family ties, making new acquaintances, and working on emotionally strengthening and nurturing these relationships.

Expert and researcher in the rejection field, Professor Naomi Eisenberger, asserts that positive interactions stimulate the release of chemicals that induce feelings of pleasure in the brain.

In Conclusion

When experiencing rejection, you can utilize the steps above to address the situation without emotional distress. Moreover, you can leverage this experience to deepen your understanding of life.