Pointers to Deal with Haters and Critics

Note: This article is based on the work of author James Clear, who tells us about his experience dealing with hateful and critical people.

For whatever reason, someone will find an excuse to criticize, negativize, and express their fears about you and your life, and you'll have to deal with it.

For fun, let's talk about facing the judgment and criticism of others. I'll share some of the most hate-filled comments I've received on my articles and, more importantly, the strategies I've used to handle them.

Here's what I've learned about dealing with haters and critiques for you, your work, and your goals.

Your Biggest Critic

We often find that venting about faceless critics is easier than facing our own inner critics. The greatest challenge in your journey toward accomplishing your goals is often bravely facing your own doubts and insecurities.

When I started my first job, I wasn't scared of criticism. Instead, I worried that people would think I was a failure because I chose to launch a website instead of pursuing a traditional job. I kept my work a secret from my friends for a whole year because I was very troubled with their opinions.

Similarly, when I started writing, I didn't give up on writing because of the hurtful comments from readers. I feared how they might think of me if I wrote about things that truly mattered to me. So, I kept my thoughts in a private document for a year before building the courage to share them publicly.

These are just two examples of the internal fears and criticisms that often prevent us from going for our goals.

Learning that people don't really care if you want to do something different just because they criticize you could take quite a while. Haters usually toss their critiques out and move on, which means you can safely ignore them and continue doing what you want. However, it's easier said than done because we all want to prove ourselves.

Some people crave validation more than others, but everyone desires a bit of respect and appreciation from others. I certainly do, and I know that every time I take a risk and share my work with the world, I wonder about my friends' and family's opinions and how others will perceive me because of my choices.

Will it boost my reputation? Tarnish it? Should I even care?

I find it difficult to answer these questions, especially when I'm writing. On one hand, I believe in my abilities and know that I want to make a difference in the world. On the other hand, however, I fear that people won't accept my work or that they'll criticize me when I start sharing things that matter to me or that I believe in.

I've written before about the challenge of breaking free from this dilemma, saying, "You're either going to face criticism because you've created something or remain unknown because you've kept your creative greatness inside."

Ultimately, I decided that contributing something to the world was more important than shielding myself from criticism.

The Truth About Criticism

The truth about criticism is that it's mostly in your own head. Let me share an example from my personal experience:

The Most Hateful Comments I've Received

Every month, someone complains that my articles are utterly worthless. For instance, one reader recently commented, "I should have known better than to waste my time reading this."

Another one eloquently wrote, "What's interesting here is that the author has a steadfast belief that there are millions of idiots in this world who believe this nonsense."

At least they criticized the actual article. The hate messages get better when people completely ignore your work and judge you as a person instead.

Earlier this month, someone said, "It's clear you're a person with little to no job responsibilities who rarely travels and has a laid-back lifestyle. My God, do you have any responsibilities at all?" And another kind soul got straight to the point, saying, "This author is useless."

All this hate is directed at someone writing about adopting better habits, enjoying good health, and living a life full of adventures. I wonder what would happen if I wrote on genuinely controversial topics like politics or religion.

This brings us to the main point: No matter what you do, someone will always look for flaws in it. So, how can you get past this and keep moving forward? Here's one way that might help:

Focus on the Road, Not the Wall

Many racing experts regard Mario Andretti as the most successful and versatile race car driver ever. During his career, Andretti won the Indianapolis 500, the Daytona 500, the Formula One World Championship, and the Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb. He is one of the few drivers to win races in Formula One, IndyCar, the World Sportscar Championship, and NASCAR.

In an interview with SUCCESS magazine, Andretti was asked for his top piece of advice for success in racing, to which he replied, "Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go."

This is one of the major lessons young drivers learn when they start racing. Driving at 200 miles per hour requires focusing on the road ahead. If you look at the wall, you'll crash into it.

The same goes for your life, work, and dealing with haters and critics. Their negativity is like a wall; if you focus on it, you'll crash right into it. Negative emotions like anger and self-doubt will only restrict you.

Your mind goes where your attention is. Criticism and negativity won't stop you from reaching the finish line, but they sure can divert your attention from it. However, if you focus on the road ahead and keep moving forward, you'll safely navigate past the walls and barriers. This is my preferred approach to dealing with criticism. When someone leaves a negative comment, use it as a signal to recommit to your work and focus on the road ahead.

Some people are determined to take things personally and undermine others' work. However, your life is too short to be wasted pleasing those hard-to-please people. So, focus on the road, not the wall.

How to Respond to Haters?

"Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice." - Bob Goff

There are very rare instances in which you might wish to reply to people who criticize you, and in those cases, Gary Vaynerchuk is a terrific role model.

Upon releasing his best-selling book "Crush It," Vaynerchuk earned many one- and two-star reviews on Amazon. Negative reviewers claimed the book was "extremely terrible" and described it as "utter garbage." And for one of the best-selling books, at that!

Gary chose to sincerely apologize in response to numerous poor reviews rather than oppose them and defend his writing. For instance, a reader named Frank left a one-star review saying, "How was this book even published?"

Vaynerchuk replied, "I apologize for disappointing you. I'd love to meet you and spend 15 minutes apologizing and answering all the questions on your mind. I believe I owe you a more detailed explanation. I'm really sorry."

Despite using high school-level grammar in his texts, Gary exchanged numbers with Frank and invited him to chat. After their conversation, Frank updated his book review, saying, "If Amazon had a system to rate people, I'd have to give Gary 5 stars. One can't help but admire someone who quickly reaches out and deals with criticism with the utmost kindness."

If you're going to respond to haters and critics, aim for a response like this: bring them into your fold instead of lashing out. Most people refuse to admit that your work is great; they just want to know that you care about what they write.

What's Next?

I know I've said this many times before, but it's worth repeating: "I haven't really figured anything out. I'm not an expert and can't answer all the questions. I'm still learning how to deal with criticism like everyone else." However, based on my limited experience, here is what I can distill about handling difficult people and haters:

• First and foremost, don't be a hater yourself. Don't be the one undermining others' efforts. The world needs more people who give and share their work and ideas. To live this out, you need some courage; therefore, give those who do so your support.
• If you're dealing with criticism, don't let the wall stop you from seeing the road. Focus on the path ahead. I've also heard a saying that goes, "Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats."
• If you choose to respond to haters, surprise them with your kindness. You might even win over a new fan.
• Most importantly, choose the right options for you when people criticize you either way.