6 Mistakes That Everyone Makes During Their Conversations
1. Filler Words
Example (1)
A few days ago, I experienced something I can't quite describe. Umm, it was like, in the middle of a conversation, I was trying so hard to say something, but I felt like my mind was quite empty.
Example (2)
That day, I was at a loss for words; I had nothing to say.
Example (3)
Last week, I spoke with a potential client, but I was speechless, and my thoughts weren't on point.
The third example is the most effective, logical, and capable of drawing the other party's attention, as can be seen from the examples above. Speaking like the first example will not help you succeed in the business world or close deals because it is inconsistent, lacks coherence, and uses many filler words that give the impression of hesitation and pique the listener's interest in the conversation.
The second example eliminated several filler words, like "umm" and "as you know," and other superfluous phrases that didn't fit the conversation's context. The third example provides specific and direct information clearly and concisely. Direct and clear human conversations are remembered more than others.
It would have been unclear what former U.S. President Ronald Reagan meant to convey if he stated, during his speech regarding the Berlin Wall, "There is no need for the wall to remain anymore. We should get rid of it quickly." However, he made a clear request to Mikhail Gorbachev, the leader of the Soviet Union, to demolish the wall, saying, "Tear down this wall."
There are three effective ways to eliminate filler words. First, use smartphone apps to record your voice during the conversation. Then, analyze the speech and discuss the following questions: How could you succinctly and elegantly convey your idea? Is it better to say nothing or pause and use the word "umm"?
Sometimes, you might notice that you use words like "exactly" excessively. The second way to stop using filler words is to ask a friend to use a tool that makes loud noises while you're talking so that each time you use a filler word that isn't necessary, they have to activate the tool. As a result, you will become irritated with the sound, eliminate the word, and change your speaking style.
The third way entails writing down the conversation and modifying it by discussing the following questions: "How can this phrase be shortened? Can long sentences be replaced with a few words?"
Working on your writing skills will help you change your speaking style, and you'll be surprised at how well you can choose and employ words to express ideas clearly, logically, and concisely. While oral and written communication have different styles, they are all influenced by one another.
2. Speaking Disjointedly
Text-to-speech apps make this issue very evident, and the disjointed speech pattern is more likely to aggravate and discomfort the listener than well-paced, rhythmic speech patterns. Correcting this error requires the use of a technique called "linking." Linking is an English pronunciation technique that creates a rhythmic and fluid speech pattern by joining words together.
Try saying the phrase below, emphasizing each sound segment, and pausing briefly between the words. Then, listen to the rhythm of your speech. "I went to the gym that day and I exercised well."
Speaking this way defies the linking technique and results from the speaker emphasizing each segment of the sound they pronounce—a mistake that even experts frequently make.
In certain situations, speaking disjointedly can be powerful and impactful. Skilled speakers can emphasize sound segments and use word pauses to help the audience understand a particular point.
However, linking is necessary for harmonious and fluid speech in natural, everyday speech patterns. Try repeating the same sentence, but this time combine the words into a single, long word: "I-went-to-the-gym-that-day, and-I-exercised-well."
Some contend this speech pattern is disjointed and unstructured, but this is a tenuous defense given that linking words facilitates fluid and comfortable communication. Also, you'll find that the speakers you like most use this style of speech.
3. Speaking Quickly
You may argue that you do not speak quickly during your communication with others, and this may be true. However, you probably increase your speaking speed at times without any logical justification for this haste.
When people are upset or furious, they tend to talk more quickly; some people are autonomously used to speaking quickly. Studies have shown a correlation between high IQs and speaking quickly. The listener is often confused and misunderstands the fast speaker due to difficulty capturing and comprehending their words.
Also, the speaker may stutter as a result of the haste. You can discover such habits by using voice recording apps.
You can adjust your speaking speed by applying some techniques such as pausing and slowing down your speech constantly or taking a deep breath before every sentence. Additionally, remind yourself that there's no need to rush and cut the conversation short because the other person is interested in your personality and the words you plan to share; this makes the process easier.
4. Using Closed Body Language
Even though most people know the distinction between open and closed body language, they frequently employ closed body language in circumstances that call for open one. You demonstrate open body language when you use cues, looks, and friendly gestures to get someone to talk to you.
It entails sitting facing the other person with your toes pointing outward or toward them, opening your palms, and putting your arms at your sides. Open body language includes the widely accepted surrender gesture of "raising hands and directing palms forward."
When you use closed body language, you keep the other person from conversing with you because its traits are entirely different from those of open body language. Non-verbal communication cues, in this case, highlight hostile behaviors, including crossing arms and legs, clenching fists, and exchanging ideas during communication.
The patterns mentioned above occasionally result in closure and reservations. Furthermore, when you conflict with someone, your natural reaction may be to show reserve and aversion by crossing your arms, closing your eyes, or avoiding eye contact.
An individual uses open body language when they want the other party to listen to, understand, and befriend them.
The primary body parts convey a person's closure or openness. In light of those above, observing your entire body posture during conversations is recommended to ascertain whether the primary parts are open. Additionally, you should work on constantly observing your body, paying particular attention to your arms and facial expressions.
5. Different Viewpoints
In the context of daily social conversations with people you hardly know, differences in opinion can be regarded as debatable mistakes. You won't gain from their agreement with you, and in certain situations, differences in opinion can be beneficial.
In a scientific study entitled "The Dynamic Nature of Conflict," researchers from Cornell University and the University of Pennsylvania found that cooperative groups perform better in work-related conflicts and procedures than opposing parties in interpersonal settings.
This implies that disagreements foster processes of innovation, education, and growth—processes that are inappropriate for social interactions and that most people avoid.
People may avoid you if you use expressions like "I disagree with you" or "I understand your point of view, but..." to correct their wrong opinions. Using "but" implies that you disagree with the other side.
Differences affect psychologically in addition to being associated with verbal arguments. People with a particular mindset are compelled to correct others' mistakes, even if they have no bearing on them or the environment.
It's regarded as one of those social conflicts where one side tries to prove its superiority over the other and establish its dominance. Reports show that when someone corrects a stranger's mistake, they tend to hold onto their core beliefs to maintain their residual sense of self-worth.
Assume for the moment that you expressed the belief that "women will eventually be able to conceive" to American talk show host Oprah Winfrey. She won't argue with you about the precise number of women giving birth globally every second. Instead, she'll probably just say, "That's interesting," and move on to another topic, or she might ask you, "Why did you say something like that?"
When you disagree with someone, try to find out more about the underlying reasons behind their viewpoints or change the topic completely. There is no need to continue the conversation if you do not accept their viewpoints at all. Rather, you should adopt a sportsmanlike demeanor and look for individuals who share your beliefs and perspectives.
6. Lack of Topics to Discuss During a Conversation
Even if someone is an expert, it is normal for them to run out of topics to discuss, particularly when speaking with a stranger. Everybody, without exception, struggles to strike up a conversation or come up with a topic for discussion and experiences awkward silences during conversations.
All excellent conversation starters are asking about the other person's well-being, the news, seeking advice, or talking about subjects that you find interesting and would like to discuss with others at work or in another setting.
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