How Can Anger Make You a Better Person?

Note: This article is adapted from Erin Falconer's blog, where she shares her experience dealing with anger.

There are various strategies for handling anger. There are strategies for dealing with it and eliminating or avoiding it entirely. 

Most of these techniques didn't work for me. It was as though it were an unavoidable evil that could not be stopped. The harder I tried to resist it, the more violently it returned to me. At some point, I tried to reconcile with it without fearing it or trying to avoid it. I even tried to analyse it, thinking it would vanish if I discovered its origins. However, even this method failed. The bottom line is that the more you focus on a feeling, the worse it gets.

What Is the Impact of Anger and its Role in Your Life?

To answer this question, determine whether or not the following eight statements apply to you:

1. I usually don't get angry, but when I do, beware of me.
2. I am still angry about some people who wronged me in the past.
3. Sometimes, I stay up late at night, thinking about things that bothered me during the day.
4. I find it very difficult to forgive those who have wronged me.
5. I feel angry when I lose control of my emotions.
6. I feel upset with myself after any argument or disagreement with others.
7. I feel annoyed when the other party behaves inappropriately without considering other people's feelings.
8. When I am frustrated or angry, I release these feelings through food, drinks, or medications.

If any of the previous statements apply to you, know that this is normal for any human being.

If clauses 1,5,6,8 apply to you, you often tend to blame yourself when you feel angry. If the remaining clauses apply to you, you blame others when getting angry. In both cases, this is normal. Whether you are right or wrong, it is wrong to let anger take control of you, cause you to lose your mind and sanity, and ultimately ruin your life.

Anger is a powerful emotion that needs to be expressed because it cannot be kept inside. Ignoring it will only delay an impending explosion. When you embrace your anger and acknowledge its true causes, you can use it to your benefit.

For example, if you experience anger, then guilt or an increase in anger, this indicates that you do not value your emotions enough and that you believe that negative emotions are something you should not experience. How would you feel if your friend informed you that they would prefer not to sit next to you because of the potential harm your psychological state could cause them?

It's undoubtedly a bad feeling. Every time you ignore your feelings, it's as though you're saying you don't care about them, and this is what you're doing to yourself through your destructive self-care routine. 

If you don't let other people's opinions impact you negatively, they can't. Therefore, the foundation is your personal strength and self-care. Your strength cannot be taken from you or negatively impacted by anyone unless you choose to give it up. Both good and negative emotions are crucial components of this strength. However, resisting or ignoring those feelings is of no use because they will eventually surface in some way.

Ignoring Anger Is Like Ignoring Hunger

Repressing anger is similar to starving yourself and refusing to eat the food that is in front of you. You will feel more hungry the more you think about food. You won't be able to ignore it for long; hunger will still be present.

Anger is the mind's way of expressing its inner thoughts. This feeling calls your attention to an issue or problem that needs to be resolved, so you should be thankful for it.

Accepting the situation as it is and trying to find the real reason why you frequently feel angry will help you learn the lesson easily, which varies from one situation to another.

You should see everyone and everything that makes you feel something, whether it's good or bad, as an angel sent to help you see the reality. This includes your enemies, your hated job, and toxic relationships. All of these are ways of feeling the emotions required for growing up. Never forget that you are strong and that you are loved exactly the way you are. Without your consent, nobody can force you to feel or do anything. 

In Conclusion

Stop resisting negative feelings such as sadness or anger. Accept them as an essential part of the process of maturity and growth.

With awareness, these feelings will come and disappear without any harm. You will feel very free when you accept their presence without wanting to do anything to change them or get rid of them.