Five Tips to Stop Negative Thinking

Note: This article is from blogger Marc Chernoff, who gives us 5 tips to help us stop negative thinking.

Thinking "the worst", anticipating fiasco and betrayal, seeing the problems in everything, and even seeing the positives as negatives are all forms of emotional insurance. You might say: "If I expect the worst, I will not be disappointed if it happens or when that happens."

There is another trap of negative thinking that we all fall into. It is an attempt to prove the validity of our words. For some people, it is more important to prove that they are right in their negative predictions than that good things happen and then prove that they are wrong.

However, not only does the habit of negative thinking increase a person's likelihood of depression, but it also increases the possibility of suffering from all kinds of diseases and other disorders later in life. I am not saying that negative thinking alone causes disease, but it certainly doesn't help anything.

In this article, we'll look at what you can do to stop negative thinking, but first, let's talk about a common mistake negative people make. Negative people often pride themselves on describing themselves as "realists," and of course, everyone with a strong belief finds it real by holding on to it.

People who say they are "more realistic" are the pessimists and are right. The only reason is that negative thinking prevents us from trying, or if we try, we try without passion, and we give up immediately, and then negativity affects our results. Research has also found that in some cases, what we believe about our health can have a greater effect on the duration we live.

What makes this all so scary is that we can think negatively even when things are going well. For example, the thought “this good thing won't last” quickly destroys any positive situation, so negative thinking distorts our perception.

Five Tips to Stop Negative Thinking

1. Stop overthinking

Life is not just black or white or all or nothing. Thinking this way leads to misery because negative thinking makes you see any imperfect situation as a very bad one. For example:

• Instead of saying, "The storm slowed down my commute home from work," say, "The storm totally ruined my evening and ruined my night!"
• Instead of saying, "It takes a while for my business to gain people's attention," we say, "My business will never succeed, and it will completely ruin my financial future."
• Instead of accepting the stress of meeting a new group of people, we say, "I know these people won't like me."

Thinking in an “all or nothing” way makes us miss the simple moments in life and makes us see the future in terms of disasters, disappointments, and calamities. Certainly, disasters may happen sometimes, but unlike what you often see on news channels, most life events happen in a gray area between the extremes of bliss and destruction.

So, the first step to overcoming negative thinking is not to be "positive" suddenly. Rather, carefully look for that gray area.

Say you were worried about a romantic relationship, instead of thinking: “I know this is going to end, and my heart is going to break,” or “This relationship will always be perfect.” How about saying: “I expect to have great times, good times, and bad times, but we will work together, we will respect each other, and we will give our relationship a fair chance before reaching any conclusion."

2. Stop over-generalizing

Ask yourself, "If something negative happens that I didn't anticipate, will I overgeneralize it? Will I see it as permanent and applicable to everything instead of being restricted to one place and time?"

For example, if someone refuses to date you, will you spread negativity to that person, time, and place by telling yourself that relationships never work out for you?

Or if you fail the exam, will you tell yourself that you are not happy about your failure but you will study hard next time? Or will you overgeneralize it by telling yourself that you are not smart enough or unable to learn?

3. Stop underestimating positivity

Negative thinking prevents us from seeing and experiencing positive outcomes, even when they happen a lot. It is as if a special mental screen is stripping out all the positives and allowing only data that confirms the “negative bias.” And you should know that exaggerating obstacles and minimizing successes leads to loss of motivation and misery in the long term.

Get in the habit of seeing obstacles as temporary, specific experiences from which to learn rather than permanent, pervasive misfortunes. We are all trying to find what we are looking for in life. For example, if you think negatively about someone, try to balance it out with one positive thought about them.

You could say, "This person is very selfish, but to be fair, they helped me when my car broke down last year, and they have a good sense of humor." Positivity is always somewhere, but you must look for it.

4. Stop looking for negative cues from others

Too often, we rush to conclusions only to cause ourselves and others frustration, hurt, and unnecessary anger. Therefore, if someone says one thing, do not assume that they mean something else, and if they do not say anything at all, do not assume that their silence has some hidden negative connotations.

Certainly, negative thinking will lead you to interpret everything the other person does as negative, especially when you are not sure what the other person is thinking. For example, you might think, "My fiancé hasn't called me yet, so he must not want to talk to me," or, "She just said that to be nice, but she doesn't really mean it."

Interpreting a situation before you know the whole story makes you more likely to believe that the uncertainty you feel - based on a lack of knowledge - is also a negative sign. On the other hand, putting off interpreting incomplete stories is essential to overcoming negative thinking.

When you think more positively or are clearer about the facts, you will be able to evaluate all the possible causes you can think of, not just the negative ones. In other words, you would think this way:

• "I don't know why he hasn't called me yet, but maybe...".
• "He's busy at work."
• "His phone signal is weak at his workplace."
• "He's waiting for me to call him."

None of these circumstances are negative, and they are all as plausible as any other possible explanation.

The next time you feel uncertain and insecure and find yourself stressed about a problem that does not exist, stop and take a deep breath, then say to yourself: “This problem is only in my mind.” Being able to distinguish what you imagine from what is actually happening in your life is an important step toward living a positive life.

5. Stop setting unreasonable rules and expectations

You must treat the world as it is, not as you expect it to be. Life is under no obligation to deliver exactly what you expect. In fact, what you seek rarely comes out the way you expect it to, but that doesn't make it any less wonderful. So, stop imposing your misunderstood expectations and rules on life, and change your way of thinking as follows:

• Instead of saying, "He was late, so he must not care about me," say, "Maybe he got stuck in traffic."
• Instead of saying, "If I can't get this right, I must not be smart enough," say, "Maybe I just need a little more practice."
• Instead of saying, "I haven't received any response from my doctor, so my test results must be bad," say, "Maybe the lab is too crowded, and my results haven't come in yet."

Creating such rules about how life should be based on your stubborn expectations is a great way to stay stuck in the gutter. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't expect anything from yourself and others (diligence, honesty, determination, etc.). It means the rules governing your expectations should not lead you to unreasonably negative conclusions.

You must have expected something different if you feel dissatisfied or frustrated with an outcome. So, instead of getting upset, ask yourself, “Was my expectations too low?” and “What new facts did I learn?”

In conclusion

You should see and accept things as they are rather than limiting them to what you hoped, wished, or expected them to be. Just because it isn't what you imagined it doesn't mean it isn't what you need to get where you need to go.