Our inner voice identifying our identities, although it sometimes appears friendly and optimistic, can also be dangerous and frustrating. The inner voice can whip us into committing a slip or destroying our lives, and it can also ruminate and dig up negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences without finding constructive solutions.
Cross offers three main ways to suppress the “gossip” in our heads: by changing our view of things to avoid drowning in the sea of our problems, talking to others to gain support, and changing the atmosphere around us.
The first two ways are helpful during the distress period. Cross offers tips on how to step back, see things from another perspective, and then share our problems with others. However, changing the environment around us is something we can do effectively to make us less likely to ruminate in the first place.
"Since each of us is a product of our surrounding environment, the features of that environment elicit psychological forces in us that impact our thoughts and feelings. If we smartly choose the nature of our relationship with our surroundings, the latter will help us control the inner voice," says Cross.
Three tips to improve your surroundings for peace of mind
Here are three tips Cross offers to improve your surroundings for peace of mind:
1. Surround yourself with nature
Several researches indicate that nature improves our mood and health, whether you walk in nature, surround yourself with plants, or only look at trees.
Nature also helps to curb the stress stemming from our daily lives. For example, a recent study in the United Kingdom found that going out into green spaces helped protect people from the detrimental impact of poverty. In another study, poor city dwellers felt that the obstacles in their lives were less severe and more solvable when their apartments had a view of a landscape.
Why is nature so calming? A study from 2015, when participants spent 90 minutes walking in grasslands, reported that they spent less time ruminating than they did on the streets of crowded cities. Moreover, scanning their brains showed less activity in thought-supporting cells, as spending time in nature can affect our normal thinking patterns.
This research can be helpful even if your street is tree-free. Several studies say you can improve your attention and reduce stress by only looking at nature pictures, listening to birds chirping and the sound of rain, or putting plants in your house.
2. Create an atmosphere of awe
If you are in the heart of nature in front of tall trees or a breathtaking view, you will often have a sense of awe, namely a feeling you are facing a vast space that challenges your understanding of the world.
This feeling does not just come from nature, as Cross explains; we can experience this feeling when reading poetry, listening to music, watching sports competitions, hearing the first word our child utters, or seeing their first steps.
“Feeling awe is an emotion that transcends ourselves in the sense that it urges us to think and feel beyond our needs and requirements, and the power of awe lies in its ability to make us feel small and push us to ignore our inner voice and listen to something higher,” says Cross.
That is reflected in our brains. A sense of awe inhibits activity in the areas responsible for focusing on oneself and feeling lost. This feeling automatically relieves the size of our problems and gives us a broader view without making us a direct part of those problems. One study that included people participating in a boat trip in the river found that the more they experienced a sense of dread, the better they got from stress or post-traumatic depression, and the more they felt happy and belonging.
What is the environment that generates a sense of awe? It is likely to vary depending on the person, but it may be by placing a piece of art on your wall, listening to music that affects you, or moving away from technology to notice the beauty in the people around you.
3. Clean up your mess
When your thoughts and feelings get out of control, one way to deal with them is to exercise control over your surroundings by eliminating clutter.
“The sense of order in the world around us gives us a sense of comfort and makes life easier and more predictable,” says Cross. Even reading about the exact order of the universe can make us less anxious, as one study suggests.
There is evidence that we are attracted to visual models and structured images when we feel out of control and helpless or exposed to annoying noise that we cannot stop because we are trying to bring order to our external world.
Just minimizing clutter can give us a sense of satisfaction. A recent study says that those comfortable with clutter in homes, namely, those not ashamed or upset by their clutter, have more positive feelings, better relationships, and deeper meaning in life.
Like its predecessors, the reducing clutter strategy must be practiced effectively, and it can calm you in moments of tension, and this is what those who postpone cleaning their room know.
Of course, even if your home is green and flawless, this will not protect you from ruminating ideas fully, and here comes the role of the other methods presented by Cross. His book ends with a list of 26 ways to salvation when you are overwhelmed with repeated negative thoughts, and his personal experiences and ideas that he shared with us remind us that even a researcher who is well versed in this is not immune to panic from time to time.
Our inner voice indeed appears to be our adversary, but with a few tricks, we can make this voice part of a productive dialogue.
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