Note: This article is based on the work of Mark Chernoff, in which he tells us about 9 toxic behaviors that hinder good people.
There's one thing you've learned; it's not the intrinsic characteristics or circumstances that determine whether you're happy and successful ; it's your behavior.
What do I mean by "behavior"? How you react under pressure, fulfill your obligations, communicate and interact with your loved ones, your attitude towards bosses, colleagues, employees and customers, your willingness to do something right, whether you are focused, disciplined or distracted, and many more.
I admit that I have known some very dysfunctional people who have worked well on themselves for a short time. But sooner or later, when The pressure is on them and things are not going well, they show self-destructive behaviors and, unfortunately, they often destroy others with them. If you want to thrive in life, you may want to look hard at yourself and see if any of these behaviors include you.
Toxic Behaviors Hinder Good People
1. Believing and insisting that life is too hard and unfair
The truth is that it is as easy to acquire positive habits as it is to develop negative ones. It is just a matter of how you spend your time; you can spend your time doing things that bring you closer to your goals, or you can spend your time looking for immediate relief.
For example, people complain: "It is very difficult to exercise every day," but exercise and movement are pleasant natural conditions that make us feel great; it is not difficult; the problem is the habit of people not exercising. If you are going through the same situation, change your practices, know that you are in the place where you are because of the choices you made in the past and that your future depends on the choices you make today, so you can choose to sit down, or choose to run, and you can choose to watch a series, or you can choose to read another chapter in a wonderful book, seize opportunities, or choose to sleep, there is nothing difficult or complicated about it, other than the way you think.
2. Procrastination in everything
Lack of confidence, discipline, and unrealistic expectations of rapid success fuel long-term procrastination. Many studies indicate that the people who procrastinate are those who hinder themselves. Instead of risking failure, they prefer creating and occupying themselves with the conditions that make success impossible. This reaction leads to a vicious cycle, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to break this cycle; stop saying "I wish", start saying "I will", and then do something about it.
If you have something you want to do but don't have time, it probably never happens; knowledge is not enough; you must implement; desire is not enough; you must do the work. If all you can do now is little, do it, those small steps will add value to your life; the value that arises over time, in small increments , will never go away.
3. Blame Others
“Most people don't really want freedom because freedom comes with responsibility, and most people are afraid of responsibility,” psychologist Sigmund Freud once said. “Don't be like that. You deny responsibility when you blame others for what you're going through. You give up full power over that part of your life. In fact, the price of happiness and success is responsibility. No one else is responsible for you. You are in complete control of how you choose to deal with the current state of your life”.
You may have learned that you have to blame your parents, your teachers, the Mentors, the public education system, the government, and so on, and never blame yourself, but it's always your fault because if you want to change, and if you want to grow and move on with your life, the only person who can make it happen is you.
4. Comparing yourself to others
Unhappy people believe that another person's good fortune detracts from their fortunes and is not good enough for everyone. This leads to envy and resentment, so do not let envy or jealousy drain your energy.
Envy is the art of counting someone else's blessings instead of yours; nothing is attractive or impressive in this behavior, so stop comparing your journey to anyone else's. Your journey is your journey and not a competition; you compete with only one person, you. You are competing to be the best you can be, and if you want to measure your progress, compare yourself to what you were yesterday.
5. Refusal to trust people
I will not argue about the importance of acumen in distinguishing between people, but the happiest and most successful people have reasonable confidence in their human peers, and they believe in the good in others, and this helps them to enhance their sense of belonging to society and their aspirations.
On the other hand, unhappy people doubt every person they meet and assume they cannot trust strangers. This behavior limits all communication outside their inner circle of acquaintances and thwarts all opportunities to meet new people who can help them grow. So, keep in mind that confidence is the basis for promoting growth and intimacy; when you choose to see the best in others, you find the best in yourself.
6. Hate people for any reason
As American black rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that, and hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” When we have feelings of hate, it ultimately consumes all of our energy, and everything and everyone we hate takes up permanent space in our heads and hearts.
So if you want to drive something or someone out of your mind, don't hate it. Instead, forgive, forget and move on. Remember, harm's response doesn't help you move forward. You'll never advance anyone as long as you try to avenge them, and sometimes we don't forgive people because they deserve it.
We alienate them because they need forgiveness, we need it, and we can't move forward without it. So forgiveness is rediscovering inner peace and purpose, which I initially thought abused when someone treated you.
7. Letting Doubts Feed Negativity and Surrender
The mind is a wonderful tool, but it is also a negative engine that tries to fill your awareness with doubt and rejects anything you do not feel comfortable with. So do not let it control you, trust yourself in difficult times and believe in your ability to succeed and that your relationships are worth the effort.
People make mistakes on their way to greatness, and people can be fools, intelligent, selfish, generous, nervous and happy simultaneously, but very few people intentionally hurt others.
So believe that you have many roads leading to the right, and believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths: life is not clear, life will surprise you again and again, the journey is the destination, and it's worth the time, as Roald Dahl said: “No matter what, see the world around you with glittering eyes because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who do not believe in miracles will never find them”.
8. Expect that everything should always go as planned
Life is often unpredictable; some wonderful moments in your life won't necessarily be the things you do; it may be things you have no hand in, and that doesn't mean you can't take action to influence your life outcomes; You have to move, and you will. Don't forget that any day you can change your entire life for the better or worse, and you may get hurt without warning; it's a scary idea, but it's part of the life cycle, you may suffer, and you may end up in the right place at the right time.
9. Impatience
Patience is not about waiting; it is the ability to maintain a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in and the desire to stay focused and take small steps one by one with confidence. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress; whether working to improve your health, learn a new skill or start a business, you can not expect immediate satisfaction.
Instead, it would help if you devote yourself to the small daily rituals that take you from where you are to where you want to be. Sometimes it can be hard to see your progress in the short term, and sometimes it's frustrating when the results you seek don't appear as fast as you'd hoped, but as you progress day by day, be patient, you may move slowly, yet you progress.
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