Note: This article is by Erin Falconer, who gives us seven tips for dealing with chronic failure.
My friends and family have been trying to figure out why I'm so depressed for years, hoping to understand my negative outlook on life and fearing that I won't get any better and stay in this dark place forever. However, adopting positivity can be a very slow process, with small, imperceptible changes occurring over time—especially if setbacks in life keep piling up.
Since I lost passion and my last success vestiges decades ago, I've worked at multiple jobs where I failed and could not move up any professional or social success ladder. I can never go up more than a few steps before falling and starting over. Eventually, disappointments, rejections, and failures added up to the point where it seemed pointless to try again.
However, I finally decided to take a different perspective on the wider picture after realising that I had to quit whining and feeling sorry for myself. In writing this piece, I intend to help you see your life more clearly—not to sugarcoat the facts, but to use them to broaden your perspective and see yourself and your circumstances more compassionately and realistically.
Seeking career success while handling personal life obstacles requires great flexibility, perseverance, determination, and a positive mindset. I've seen enough inspiring movies and read enough self-help books to know that our response to failures determines our fate, not the failure itself. So, the question is, "Do we surrender and stay the same, or do we try to rise and fight again?"
When you fail at something, it's normal to stumble along the way to success. However, it becomes more challenging when you feel like you fail and stumble daily. Therefore, if you share the same struggle with me,
7 Tips to Overcome Chronic Failure
1. Ask Yourself If You Have Truly Failed
When we don't reach our goals, even when we have made great strides toward them, we tend to criticise ourselves harshly. We regard our efforts as futile and minimise our accomplishments, particularly the minor ones, believing they are unimportant if gaps and tasks still need to be done. At this point, we begin to feel inadequate and unworthy.
Throughout my life, I rarely considered the bright side and have always focused on my failures, so I have never fully experienced success, at least not for long.
As an example, allow me to share a personal story with you:
Specialists told me that my son would never be able to speak or do anything independently because of his autism. But he overcame most doctors' expectations with extraordinary perseverance, hard work, and dedication, and his condition improved. Instead of celebrating his achievements and being ecstatic about his progress, I was worried that the road ahead of him was too long, almost impossible.
However, looking back, I can see how far we've come from that starting point and how much progress we have made. Furthermore, I spent years blaming myself for not comprehending autism completely. I spent hours each day working with my son to get him better, but I believed I had to be more knowledgeable and perceptive to help him truly. I thought I was failing in my role as a mother for not making a significant difference in his life. Those days are long gone, and now I congratulate myself for being a perfect mother.
You might also not see a particular event. Instead, you might interpret it negatively and fail to notice its benefits. However, we should all adopt the mindset of scientist Thomas Edison, who tried over 1000 times before creating the first durable electric lightbulb. He never saw his earlier attempts as failures since he learned from them about what not to do and gained insight from his past mistakes.
2. Stop Caring About Others' Opinions
You are suffering enough, so there is no need to worsen things by worrying about others' opinions. We must accept that gossip is common and that some people enjoy seeing others fail. Though it serves no purpose, some people enjoy pointing out others' failures with the mistaken belief that it elevates them. However, we shouldn't let others' criticisms get to us or think that people who know us well also will criticise us. This may be depressing, leading us to make poor decisions.
People close to you might give you well-intentioned advice if they think you've lost your way. Although hearing different viewpoints can be beneficial, you must ultimately make your own decisions as you have an inner wisdom and intuition that can lead you. Therefore, you should not judge yourself or make decisions based on the comments you receive, whether positive or negative.
Even though my neighbour knew that I worked from home several days a week, I once overheard him call me a failure because he thought I didn't have a job. It really hurt me and made me question my current job choice. You may not be sensitive to these comments, but you may allow others to influence you because of your repeated failures negatively, and you should stop that.
3. Be Grateful for Failure
When it seems like your life is a curse, why should you feel grateful?
Because even though it seems like you are working desperately to fulfil your dreams, you can pursue them. While there are people in the world who are incapable of making their own decisions and are deprived of most good options, at least you are strong and capable of achieving your desires. Therefore, you can start from where you feel your options are limited and work your way up to a more ambitious objective. The bright side is that even though it might take longer to get there, there are many lessons to learn along the way.
Ignoring the beauty around you, the sun shining on your face, and the blessings in your life might be the only true failure. Don't allow failure to overshadow your essence, remarkable talents, or the joy of life.
4. Remember That Nothing Lasts Forever
Recognize that life is ever-changing and learn to embrace it. Even though you might think that things will never get easier and that your life will always be challenging, have faith that life will take a positive turn eventually.
You can make a positive change in your life by focusing on optimistic thoughts and continuing to take action. It's about moving forward regardless of how tough the current circumstances are and how challenging the past has been.
Like "Edison," you should learn from your failures and press forward, believing that you are unstoppable. A single setback does not always translate into more setbacks; in fact, the more setbacks you have, the more likely you are to succeed.
5. Don't Believe in Luck
Most people believe in bad luck, as though life is unfair, burdening them with misfortunes while making it easier for others. However, we must realise that problems are a natural part of the human experience so that everyone will go through trials and challenges, and nobody can avoid them entirely. Everyone is prone to failure, especially on their journey towards achieving their goals.
You reinforce this mindset and start unconsciously negatively impacting your life if you interpret every missed opportunity as proof that the universe conspires against you. If your expectations are limited to failure, you will probably experience more disappointments because you will be concentrating your energy on the very bad things that you would prefer not to occur.
As they say, "Those who never attempt anything are the only ones who never fail." Accepting that failure is a necessary part of life and that it can help you find the right path makes dealing with it easier.
6. Embrace Failure
No matter what happens, you must keep going forward. However, remember that life is more than just success. Though it might seem important to succeed, remember that you'll still be okay even if you don't. You can still be a happy and well-adjusted person even during repeated failure.
Try using psychological techniques to reframe failure's qualities that are worth considering positively. For example, you might learn from failure what approaches are ineffective and gather information to try more effective tactics. If at all possible, failure might also help you in setting more realistic goals.
In addition to appreciating the bright side of failure and realising that it is not a life-or-death situation, you can accept failure by first accepting who you are by first loving yourself unconditionally.
7. Be Kind to Yourself
I used to hear my grandmother tell me to treat myself kindly, and I think you should follow her lead. It is natural for chronic failure to affect our mental health, and regret, disappointment, and frustration can easily impact physical health as well.
Therefore, find daily activities that bring you joy and help you recover to deal well with life's setbacks. Preferences may vary from one person to another, so decide on the best way to heal yourself, whether it's going to a beautiful beach, watching a funny movie, spending quality time with friends, or something else. This is simply a break for you to refuel and get over difficult times, not a way to avoid problems. Also, you must be aware of your inner monologue and replace critical self-talk with words that are more loving and compassionate if you want to be kind to yourself. Simply put, Do not let failure affect your lifestyle.
In Conclusion
You can lead a happy and fulfilling life even if you constantly experience failure, as you can continue to develop and prosper even after failing.
In this article, I provided several tips for handling persistent failure and reevaluating any negative experience. Resilience, perseverance, and self-love are admirable qualities that can be cultivated over time. Meanwhile, stop blaming yourself and believing that you have let yourself and others down. Stop evaluating yourself based on societal judgments of what you or anyone your age and experience should accomplish.
Put in your best effort, and remember that we are just visitors in life. We are here only temporarily, so we should maximise our experiences rather than chase our desires.
Author and motivational speaker Denis Waitley once said, "Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. We can avoid failure only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." Finally, remember that the road to greatness is filled with failure.
Add comment