6 Signs of a Controlling Personality You Should Know

The most common signs of a controlling personality are rarely clear to those around them, making it very difficult for people involved in a relationship or friendship with such toxic individuals to distance themselves from them, even if they are aware of their harmful psychological tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave an unhealthy and unsatisfying relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better protect yourself and lessen the negative effects of their manipulative behaviors in your personal life.

Six signs of a controlling personality

1. They Compel Others to Agree to Their Plans

Do you know anyone who is constantly trying to control others' words, actions, and behaviors? Does this person behave as though they have the right to access any personal information you may have, such as your location, your activities at any given time, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? When planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, dictate plans based on their preferences, minimize others' thoughts, and refuse to work with anyone who doesn't agree with them?

If you answered "yes" to some of the abovementioned questions, these are clear signs that this person is controlling, and you should be cautious around them.

Controlling people are reluctant to consider other options, much less collaborate with those who hold opposing views. Instead, they would much rather be in control, whether or not the situation directly affects them. Also, when someone gets in the way of their own plans, they don't think twice about using their manipulative techniques.

Long-term relationships with controlling people may feel like constant pressure to meet their demands, follow their agenda, and prioritize what they believe is important. Furthermore, it is not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the center of the universe, making it exhausting for their family members, friends, and colleagues to deal with them.

2. They Manipulate Everything to Their Advantage

Although controlling people may not always be self-centered, they are not empathetic either. Instead, their empathy shows up as calculated concessions that they make to achieve their goals. They typically view relationships between people as opportunities to gain more value from those around them, which can impact the people they interact with.

One sign that someone is controlling is when they insist on achieving results that benefit them, such as when they do nice things for you but have a hidden agenda to ask for something later in exchange for what you may have assumed was just a friendly support or kind gesture.

They may shower you with praise or gifts and then treat you with anger and hostility if you do not intuitively know that they expect something in return from you. We cannot read others' minds, but controlling people act as if everyone should think and behave as they wish. Also, those who don't live up to their unrealistic expectations face hard consequences.

A controlling person might threaten to withhold support if you do not fulfill their demands, but they do it subtly so that you feel bad about yourself and are blind to their actions.

Some phrases to watch out for:

• "I did this for you. What do you mean you can't do what I ask of you?"
• "Remember how much time and effort I put into helping you with this? I don't think you appreciated it."
• "I always give you everything you want. Doesn't my needs matter to you too?"
• "You are very selfish" or "You don't care about me at all."

3. They Criticize Everything

A typical sign of controlling people is their ability to criticize everything, regardless of how minor or unimportant it may appear. Similar to many toxic relationship characteristics, these issues frequently begin very subtly, to the point where you might not even notice them. Initially, you may agree with their criticisms or at least understand their point of view when they create an issue.

However, for those who maintain relationships with controlling people, the criticism can get more severe, persistent, and perplexing. You might have noticed that these people constantly criticize others and never criticize themselves. They are so skilled at manipulation that we find their arguments to be reasonable and convincing.

Here are some warning signs of a controlling person who criticizes excessively to the point of being abusive:

• Criticizing things about you that you cannot control, such as your appearance, disability, or your family.
• Criticizing your choices and personal interests, such as your field of study, job, clothing, music preferences, hobbies, and more.
• Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by belittling the ideas and feelings you share with them.
• Attacking you when you express an opinion that contradicts theirs.

4. They Do Not Accept Criticism from Others

As everyone knows, "what goes around comes around," but toxic and controlling people strongly prefer to criticize others and don't accept being criticized in return.

For example, if your friend is always commenting negatively about your appearance without considering your feelings and becomes upset if you even mention their appearance, they may have unrestrained controlling tendencies. Remember that these people do not control their behavior towards others. Rather, they try hard to control every aspect of their lives, including how others perceive them.

They may criticize the smallest things out of their greedy desire for control, which makes others around them uncomfortable or afraid to talk to them in the future. They may experience rejection sensitivity dysphoria, but that does not absolve them of the consequences of their words and actions. They ought to get professional help to manage their responses to criticism better.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Isolating people socially is a tactic used by manipulative narcissists to keep control, though not all controlling people take this approach. It works well to keep others from realizing how toxic their relationships are and how poorly they are treated, whether with their partners, family, or friends. Think about it this way: you are less likely to ruin someone's reputation by disclosing their negative traits if you don't talk to many people in your life.

Social isolation gives others more control over you and your life. It becomes difficult to break away from them if you don't have other healthy means of communication and personal support to turn to.

This process takes time to manifest and is initially difficult to identify as harmful. At first, it might make sense, like demanding that you stop associating with family members with different social or political views. When social isolation worsens, they may advise you to cut people out of your life, especially if they don't like them, no matter how you feel about them. Also, they may make you choose between them and those people, claiming that this will shield you from the people you dislike.

When controlling people talk about themselves, they always present themselves as perfect heroes and blame the other person—you or other people in your life. You come to believe that the controlling person is correct and that you don't need your friends or other family members because they are the ideal person in your life, especially when they push you away from other encouraging people in your life.

6. They Hurt You Emotionally

Although it's difficult enough to control your emotions, it gets harder to maintain emotional stability when someone constantly minimizes your interests and values or takes advantage of your guilt and shame to get what they want. Therefore, it becomes difficult for you to control your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is a sign of a controlling personality that is often overlooked in relationships. However, people vary greatly in negativity. It's not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be more negative than the other. This becomes a problem when the controlling partner or friend shows signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and then escalate over time.

Here are some emotionally abusive signs to watch out for:

• Minimizing your interests and disregarding your needs in an unhelpful manner.
• Insulting or humiliating you secretly or openly.
• Making you feel as though you are incapable of meeting their ambiguous personal standards or living up to their expectations.
• Pushing you to question reality by leading you to believe that they said or did things that never happened.

In Conclusion

Sometimes it's hard to see the bad in someone we're in a relationship with, and we might unknowingly ignore the warning signs of someone who is controlling, especially if we've known them for a long time or are close to them.

However, the best thing you can do for yourself is to cut this kind of person out of your life. Therefore, be aware of these six signs of a controlling personality and respond appropriately when you spot them.