Through consultation with companies and coaching leaders, it turns out that if you are looking to develop specific strengths in emotional intelligence, it helps to think about the areas of improvement identified by others along with the goals you want to achieve, and then effectively build habits in those areas instead of just relying on their understanding theoretically. To this end, start by asking yourself three questions:
3 Questions to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence:
1. What are the differences between your view of yourself and that of others?
The first step, as in any learning process, is to recognize how your self-perception (your perception of yourself) differs from your reputation (the perception of yourself by others), and this is especially true for the development of emotional intelligence because we can fail to recognize this, let alone be biased about how we express and read the emotional components of our interactions.
For example, most of us think we are good listeners, but most of the time, this is not the case. Without an external source, it will be difficult for you to determine how your actions affect your performance, and getting feedback from others can also provide evidence of the need to change our behavior, and an incentive to do so.
In addition, emotional intelligence cannot be reduced to one result, as is the case with IQ, and you cannot say that you are “good” or “bad” in emotional intelligence. There are four separate aspects to it, and we are all better in some factors than others, namely self-awareness, self-management , social awareness , and relationship management.
To give you a better understanding of the differences between your self-awareness and your reputation, you should use a 360-degree feedback assessment that considers the multiple aspects of emotional intelligence. Since most organizations have their appreciation, the solution is to find an estimate that ensures the confidentiality of those who provide you with feedback, focuses on development rather than performance evaluation, and can give you a detailed meaning of the things that others evaluate you differently than you esteem yourself.
Another way to get an outside perspective on how your actions affect your relationships and work is to work with a coach. The coach can help you work and look at how your assumptions and personal opinions negatively affect you. To find an experienced coach, conduct due diligence. Coaching is not a licensed profession.
It is, therefore, your responsibility to obtain references and information on whether a potential coach has undergone a rigorous training program. If working with a coach is not possible, find a learning partner instead, preferably a colleague whose opinion you trust and who is willing to talk about how you perform regularly.
2. What matters to you?
When you get feedback from an assessment or your coach, take advantage of it to improve the aspects that need to be done. Still, do not forget to think about your goals, how you want to become better at what you do now, or where you want to go in the future. When it comes to strengthening the strengths of emotional intelligence, you are in a very bad situation if you are only interested because a colleague or your manager at work or someone in human resources wanted you to do so. Your emotional intelligence is related to your sense of self to the extent that self-motivation to exert effort when changing old habits is more critical than self-motivation when learning a skill, such as budgeting.
This means that the areas you choose to improve must be determined by the feedback you receive and one of the areas that are most important to your aspirations. Ask yourself: Do you want to develop your ability to take a leadership position? Do you want to be the best part of the team and to have a greater positive impact? Are you better at managing yourself or staying focused on important goals and to have better communication with your wife or teenage son? Understanding the effects of current emotional intelligence habits associated with your goals will help you move forward in the long run, while working to boost your emotional intelligence.
For example, suppose you get feedback that you're not a good listener. You think that's not true, but instead of counting this assessment as an attack or simply rejecting it, think carefully about your goals. You may have said that you want to improve your relationships, understand others, and communicate effectively, so how can listening well help you do these things? Seeing feedback from this perspective may help you see it as an opportunity to evolve toward your goals rather than as a threat.
3. What changes are needed to achieve these goals?
Once you've identified the emotional intelligence skills you want to focus on, determine what actions you'll take. If you're looking to become a good listener, for example, you might decide that when you talk to someone, you'll take the time to stop and listen to what they have to say. Also, check your understanding before responding to them, and make your actions specific. This helps you change the target habit.
You should also invest in every opportunity to practice the skill you develop, no matter how simple. You are trying to train your brain to respond differently in popular situations, and the principle of neuroplasticity (neuroplasticity) tells us that the more a specific brain circuit is used, the stronger the connections within it, and the brain does not distinguish between home and work when it comes to changing your habits, so when you train at home or work, with your partner or your adolescent, it is similar to what you do with your boss or employees.
Discovering these opportunities requires some awareness to show your new habit, and at first, this will require effort. Still, every time you do, these new pathways in your mind will strengthen their connection, making your fresh style ordinary and smoother, and soon you will find that it is normal to pause and listen fully to be able to respond, instead of interrupting the person you are talking to because of your enthusiasm to echo. One day you will reach a nervous response, where the new habit will start working automatically without the need to make any effort, and this means that your new practice has replaced the old one as a virtual brain circuit.
The coach can be helpful to you throughout your career, particularly if they are trained to help leaders and executives develop their strengths in emotional intelligence. From identifying the proper type of assessment to monitoring you on the job, a well-trained coach can work with you to identify your assumptions or habitual thinking patterns, which decrease your ability to move away from your own style.
It can also guide you when the stresses of life force you to return to your old habits that are not good. By answering these questions and starting to change your routine reactions, you will recognize the previous practices that do not benefit you, and you will turn them into new and helpful habits.
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