The need to control everything is very daunting. It’s stressful, makes you miserable, and damages your relationships. Yet, we desperately go after it. For example, we hate change; we fight it tooth and nail and want things to go our way. We cling to strict, imperfect standards, even when they undermine our happiness.
Most coaches and mental health experts agree that we're stressed because we cling to everything. We cling to the hope that things will work out for us, and we become deeply disheartened when they don't. So, how do we stop clinging to everything and relax?
One easy way is to accept that there's nothing worth holding onto in the first place. Most things we desperately try to keep and believe to be permanent and fixed are not. Even if they are, they’re temporary, subject to change, or imaginary. Our lives become much easier when we understand this truth.
Imagine you are blindfolded and swimming in the middle of a large pool, trying your hardest to reach the edge, thinking it's close when it's actually not. This desperate effort to reach the edge exhausts you as you thrash aimlessly in the water, trying to grasp something nonexistent.
Now, imagine that you pause, take a deep breath, and realise there's nothing near to hold on to—just water all around. You can pointlessly strive for something nonexistent or accept that you are surrounded by water, relax, and float. Ask yourself these questions:
- What are you pointlessly trying to cling to?
- How is it affecting your life?
Imagine that what you're trying to hold on to doesn't exist, and imagine letting go of it. Allow yourself to relax and think about the changes following this decision.
Many people's lives have changed radically since they decided to stop trying to hold on to everything.
Ten Life-Changing Benefits of Letting Go
1. It Opens Up Better Opportunities
A big part of your happiness and success hinges on your readiness to let go of what you think your life needs right now, appreciate what you already have, and try to make the most of it.
2. It Allows for More Efficient Use of Your Resources
Clinging means trying to control what you cannot. Letting go and allowing incontrollable events to unfold naturally demonstrates your belief that everything will work out as it should and that everything will be alright. This helps you address your needs more effectively, manage your stress, and devote more time and energy to important, controllable things, like forming healthy daily routines.
3. It Stops Needless Worry
When anxiety takes over, you mistakenly believe your worries are real. Focus on being more aware in these moments, living in the present, avoiding overthinking, accepting reality as it is, letting go of the past, and seizing current opportunities.
4. It Makes Us Wiser
Trying to control everything and micromanage your life will unintentionally keep you from understanding what is actually happening. You resist the natural flow of events instead of learning how things really work. The solution is to become more aware of your current circumstances and smartly invest the resources you have.
5. It Reinforces Our Appreciation for Others
Letting go helps you become lenient with others and learn to respect their perspectives, opinions, and lifestyles, even if it means letting go of your ego and stepping out of your comfort zone. It's about accepting the people you care about as they are, without them having to justify their actions and not imposing your beliefs and values on them.
6. It Takes the Pressure Off Trying to Please Others
We've all been there—judged unfairly and misunderstood by others. Some people go to extremes, trying to change how others think of them. Most people only see what they want to see, whether or not their opinions about you influence you. It's time to stop trying to control other's perceptions of you and focus on doing your tasks best.
7. It Helps Us Grow and Recover from Trauma
Dealing with traumas caused by others isn’t easy, but you can bounce back as long as you’re willing to accept and gradually move past the circumstances. For instance, if your marriage is falling apart, you might think you made a mistake believing your partner was your soulmate and that you shouldn't have trusted them.
However, this mindset won't get you anywhere. What's done is done, and now you must embrace reality with all its consequences. This is key to overcoming past traumas and transforming them into learning experiences that advance your growth.
8. It Helps Us Forgive Ourselves
Has it ever crossed your mind that your loved ones have forgiven your mistakes, yet you still blame yourself for them?
Sometimes, all it takes is admitting your mistakes and growing from them in order to forgive yourself. So, remember to love and forgive yourself if you want to move on and grow.
9. It Allows Us to Enjoy the Unexpected
Life is full of unexpected and delightful surprises, as well as the beauty found in seemingly trivial things. Even though such surprises are delightful, they can be overwhelming sometimes.
How many times have you had an unexpectedly wonderful experience that you were unable to really appreciate because you were holding on to the past and couldn’t let go?
You don't want to live a lifetime denying yourself this happiness. So, it's time to learn to let go of the past and focus more on living in the present.
10. It Allows Us to Be More Gratitude
Moving on from the past and letting go of the need to control everything involves appreciating both good and bad experiences. These experiences teach valuable lessons and help you grow. You accept life as it is, as it has been, and as it might unfold in the future.
The key is having the strength to embrace life's ups and downs, following your gut, picking up lessons along the way, and realising that practically every experience is important. Making progress requires taking proactive measures.
Relaxation Exercises to Help You Let Go of Control
If you're looking for a practical exercise to help change your mindset and stop trying to control everything, you'll find the following two-step exercise very effective:
1. Stop for a Moment and Focus on Your Breath
You can control your breath, its pace, or pattern as you wish. Or, you can inhale and exhale naturally. Allowing your lungs to handle breathing without your intervention brings a sense of peace. Imagine allowing all parts of your body to function naturally, and that includes your stiff shoulders relaxing naturally.
2. Observe Your Surroundings
Return your focus to where you are and choose something to observe without changing its position. If you have company, such as your family members, at home, let them be and just watch them.
Repeat this two-step exercise whenever you need to. When you stop trying to control everything around you—objects, people, and events—you allow things to follow their natural course. You no longer need to control them, worry about them, or try to change them.
You allow everything to "breathe" like your lungs, and you accept everything as it is. This exercise can change your life.
In Conclusion
We hope that our message has altered your perception of what it means to let go and give up control. We also hope we have clarified that giving up control doesn't mean ignoring what's happening in your life. Instead, it means embracing life and accepting things beyond your control so that you can grow and learn from them.
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