You might believe that this is entirely normal, and it is. However, when our lives are shrouded in mystery, we start making decisions based on winning over others' approval.
A simple example is when you decide on something and quickly ask your friends and family, "Do you think it's a good idea?"
We still look to the approval and acceptance of those around us, even though we know it's a great idea. Also, seeking others’ approval still thrills us more than following our intuition, even though we value other people's opinions and how they influence our viewpoints. The question here is: Why is that case?
External Influence Power
It all comes down to being a part of the world, society, friends, and family. Our love for ourselves and other people grows when we feel like we belong, boosting our self-esteem and inspiring us to be better people and do better in this world.
Self-actualisation is the ability to reach our maximum potential and to develop our skills and talents to serve our latent powers. In other words, it is the starting point from which we launch into limitless possibilities because we believe we are worthy of them and have what it takes to achieve them in the end.
However, how does this relate to the need for approval and external influence?
Psychologist Abraham Maslow, who developed the self-motivation concept, believes that we must first meet our basic needs to reach higher consciousness states. In addition to the basic needs of food, shelter, water, and safety, he listed psychological needs like self-esteem, love, and a sense of belonging.
Consequently, it is not unexpected that when these basic psychological needs are unmet, we turn to others for approval. We seek assistance from the community when our self-esteem decreases, and we lose faith in our strength. Ultimately, this decision is wise because our communities encourage and uplift us during difficult times.
However, there is a fine line between asking for advice and depending too much on it to direct our life path. We give up all control over our lives when we depend solely on this need for approval.
The Effects of Seeking Others' Approval
We already know that depending too much on getting approval from others can prevent us from living our lives to the fullest. However, constantly pursuing approval can have unintended consequences that we should be aware of to prevent them. Knowledge and observation are our tools for this.
Our lives become more anxious and depressed when we are continuously seeking approval from others. We may try to get personal approval from people by having conversations with them or by joining groups. Still, with the proliferation of technology today, we frequently do this online via social media platforms, for example.
When we don't feel accepted enough or wait for approval out of stress and addiction, our anxiety and depression will increase. This impairs our decision-making ability and adds needless stress to our lives. Although it may seem unlikely, about 70% of Americans use social media heavily.
People exchange approval through features on Facebook and Instagram. However, social media platforms are not to blame; they merely mirror the underlying cause that has always existed.
Another important thing to remember is that other people's advice is not always neutral. So, when we base our decisions on others' judgments, we also consider their experiences.
For example, you may seek your family's approval when deciding to take a year off from school to travel the world. They might say it's not a good idea. This is because your uncle tried this experience and failed, so his advice will be influenced by it rather than being objective. Realising this is our responsibility, but it's not always that simple.
The most crucial thing to remember is that seeking others' approval prevents us from listening to our intuition, and it is best to follow our instincts when thinking about moving forward. When we need to approach a problem from a new perspective, it is acceptable to seek help. However, we shouldn't let this support turn into a crutch; instead, we should trust our judgment and follow our gut.
How to Break Free from the Need for Others' Approval?
Above all, we must examine ourselves, determine whether our basic needs are met, and discover the real sense of belonging in our current situation. If we do not feel this sense of belonging, we must identify obstacles, such as ensuring that we receive love as we give it and, most importantly, learning how to show love to ourselves.
Improving our self-appreciation is an effective step that requires taking full initiative. This could entail cutting back on social media use or removing ourselves from people we find tense. Another useful technique that strengthens our intuition and future confidence is meditation.
We frequently hear that we possess the answers to every question that arises in life and that the way to access those answers is through meditation. Since intuition originates from within our souls, it is the only approval that is worth pursuing.
There will be moments when we lack confidence, and our strength fluctuates in growing self-appreciation. These fluctuations are natural when we want to live a real life. However, we will eventually realise that our inner strength is our greatest asset if we continue on this path and prioritise these needs.
From this perspective, we have to understand that we can achieve and succeed in any endeavour we set out to undertake. This is known as self-appreciation, and it can manifest as blessings and love. We must learn that we deserve all the goodness in this life. Therefore, acknowledge and value it the next time you receive something nice, like a hug, encouraging words, a compliment, or acceptance. Do not rush to reject it; instead, reciprocate the same to those who offer it to you. Additionally, it gets easier for you to believe that you deserve it the more you accept it with an open heart.
Lastly, remember that you are the only one who knows what is best for you, so while you should accept others' viewpoints, you should not let them dictate how you should live. This follows from gaining more self-assurance and trusting your instincts since they lead you in the right direction and do not disappoint you.
In Conclusion
Seeking others' approval is a slippery slope that begins when we seek their opinions when making life decisions. When we live trying to fulfil others' expectations and please them, things get complicated. This deprives us and adds more stress, anxiety, and depression to our lives.
According to Maslow's psychological research, we must provide for our basic needs of safety, survival, love, and a sense of community belonging. This allows us to lean towards self-respect and listen to our intuition. From now on, we can sever our ties to seeking approval and begin paving our route for future success.
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