Dying to Please: The Silent Cost of Approval

This is not just a metaphor. It is the harsh reality that countless women face in the workplace today, which often ties worth to satisfying others.

This article invites you to break free from the illusion of having to please everyone, demonstrating how this pursuit can drain you, and how taking a brave step can earn you genuine respect.

The High Cost of People-Pleasing

“You can’t appease everyone; trying only drains you, benefiting those who take advantage of your generosity.”

In today’s competitive workplaces, many women fall into the trap of people-pleasing — a well-intentioned effort that subtly saps their energy and undermines their ambitions.

In striving to prove their worth, many women slip into a vicious cycle of overgiving, gradually believing—often unconsciously—that others’ approval matters more than their own well-being or boundaries.

As time passes, exceptional effort ceases to be admired. What began as generosity is now taken for granted, and sacrifice is no longer appreciated; it is merely assumed.

Day after day, your energy wanes and unseen sacrifices accumulate, eroding your self-worth until your once-clear sense of identity fades under the weight of others’ expectations.

This is the actual cost of people-pleasing; it traps and denies you the boundaries that protect your well-being and preserve who you are.

When Good Intentions Meet Harsh Realities

“Yielding to others is not real kindness. Rather, it slowly chips away at your self-worth, leaving you overwhelmed and depersonalised.”

The urge to please everyone is more than a fleeting pressure; it is a deep-seated psychological phenomenon.

Research and experience alike reveal their costly toll, as many mistake constant compliance with acceptance or career success. In truth, it often leads to burnout and loss of respect.

Haunted by Compliance: A Cautionary Tale

At a leading telecommunications company, an employee gained a reputation for her relentless dedication to serving clients. She was always quick to accommodate and never refused requests, even those against company policy. She embraced them as if each concession were a testament to her dedication and devotion.

Her relentless eagerness to please soon backfired. Management reprimanded her for overstepping, and clients, used to her bending the rules, began to doubt her.

Eventually, both trust and respect slipped away, and the image she had worked tirelessly to uphold collapsed, leaving her drained and disheartened.

What Psychology and Neuroscience Reveal: The Startling Truth

A Stanford University study on “People-Pleasing” revealed that individuals who constantly seek approval experience higher levels of chronic anxiety, burnout, and distorted self-image. Such individuals lose themselves in the pursuit of others’ approval.

Renowned emotional intelligence expert Daniel Goleman argues in his insightful work that boundaries are the essence of emotional intelligence, fostering mutual respect in both personal and professional relationships.

They nurture respect and self-worth, rather than misplaced kindness.

The Power of Clear Boundaries: A Success Story

Unlike stories of failure, some successes show that one brave moment can change everything.

In a similar professional setting, another employee calmly set her boundaries, telling the client with confidence: “I understand your request, but it’s beyond my authority. I can either submit it to senior management for review or suggest an approved alternative.”

Her honesty didn’t offend the client — it earned admiration. Through calm clarity and respect for the rules, she proved that kindness and integrity can coexist.

True success does not stem from pleasing everyone. That illusion only leads to burnout and self-loss. Real achievement, and the kind of genuine respect that lasts, arise from the courage to define and uphold healthy boundaries.

Trying to please everyone is a losing battle. True success and respect stem from establishing clear, healthy boundaries that foster mutual respect, promote sustainable professional growth, and ensure overall well-being.

A Practical Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Courage is saying no to what doesn’t serve you — even when it’s tempting.” – Oprah Winfrey.

Now that the illusion of people-pleasing is exposed, it’s time to reclaim your freedom. Boundaries aren’t barriers to kindness — they’re foundations of strength and balance. Here are practical steps to help you restore clarity and confidence.

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Self-respect begins with awareness. Identify what serves and drains you, then gradually say “no” to the latter — turning your energy toward what truly nourishes you.

2. Define Your Role

Saying “This isn’t my responsibility” can be done with grace and professionalism. By calmly clarifying limits, such as pointing to required approvals or appropriate contacts, you uphold your boundaries while maintaining respect and credibility.

3. Be Approachable, Yet Assertive

Speak kindly and empathetically, but stay firm. True grace blends approachability with unwavering principles.

4. Prioritise Effectively

Before committing to a task, ask yourself if it serves or drains you. This is a straightforward approach to focusing on what truly matters.

Measure Your Progress

At the end of each week, take note of how often you upheld your boundaries. You may be surprised by the energy, time, and clarity you’ve regained — each boundary a subtle affirmation of your self-respect.

Boundaries: Your Gateway to Respect

Boundaries aren’t resistance; they’re maturity. They don’t repel others; they invite respect. By honoring your limits, you show your value to the world.