The Difference Between What You Hear and What's Real

For example, other people tend to have ideas about:

• How you should live.
• How you should spend your time.
• What kind of work you should do.
• What kind of relationship you should have.
• What you value and what you believe in.
• How your actions are in line with or in conflict with these values and beliefs.

The source of these ideas:

Oftentimes, these ideas are presented as being in your best interest, and sometimes that may be true. However, they're always in the best interest of the person advising you.

It's good to remember that others benefit from you complying with their advice. Once you know their real purpose from these tips, you can make more informed choices for yourself. This is always a helpful first step. Another step is to learn how to separate what they tell you from what's real.

What is reality?

Reality is a perfect social model. However, you're the one who determines what's real based on your own experience. And although it's limited, you can always compare this model - and the reality it represents - with what someone else tells you. For example, they tell you to have a job, and contribute to society by paying taxes, following social norms, and coming to work on time. But what is real is that millions of people choose to stop working altogether, and many of them are fine.

Or they tell you that thinking differently from them is wrong, and things will be better if you comply with the opinion of the group, but what is real is who decides what you should be thinking about? You can think of anything you want.

Or they tell you how relationships are determined based on their "limited" experience, but what's real is that relationships can be defined in many ways, and ideas can evolve and change, which is good, too.

Perhaps you can see how this happens in many other scenarios. What they tell you is not always what is real and knowing the difference allows you to make clearer decisions.

Highlights:

Sometimes you may choose to comply with what they tell you, and sometimes it's completely fine. It's good to focus on what matters and keep up with others in minor ones because you will build goodwill when others think you're taking sides and adopting their views.

But at other times, you have to assert your right to choose, and the first step in doing so is learning to separate what they tell you from what is real.