But fortunately everyone can learn how to combat negative thinking, and as a cognitive behavioural therapist, I've seen first-hand what happens when people learn how to change their thought patterns. Not only do they feel better, but their behaviour also changes.
I mentioned this exercise in my book (13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do) as a way for parents to help children proactively build mental strength, but I received countless emails from parents who told me they teach exercise to their children and apply it to themselves as well.
It's a simple but effective way to change the way you think, and this is the first step in building mental strength.
How to recognize BLUE thoughts?
Blue Thoughts is an abbreviation whose letters have combined the first of the following English words: Blaming myself, looking for the bad news, unhappy guessing, and exaggerating the negative.
They represent very negative thoughts, as they are unbelievable, so, here's how to recognize them:
1. Blame yourself:
While it's important to take responsibility, excessive self-blame isn't feasible and has been linked to mental health issues like depression, so be careful when you tell yourself that you've messed up or made a mistake.
2. Search for the bad news:
If nine good things happen and one bad thing happens in one day, it's easy to focus on the bad part, but focusing on the negative side will only keep you stuck in a dark place, so it's important to have a more balanced and realistic look.
3. Guess the bad things:
Although you have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow – you might look to the future pessimistically whether you're imagining that you're going to embarrass yourself at a meeting or telling yourself that you'll never get a promotion at work. Guessing the bad things can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy if you’re not careful.
4. Exaggerating negativity:
Telling yourself that the entire interview was just a disaster, or convincing yourself that everything about your job is too bad will only deteriorate. The more you think negatively, you feel resentful, and the more resentful you feel, the less likely you are to take positive action.
Replace BLUE ideas with real ideas:
The goal is to replace blue ideas after identifying them with real ideas, and one of the best ways to do this is to ask yourself, "What am I going to say to my friend who has this problem?
So, when you find yourself thinking negatively as follows: "I'm not going to save enough money for retirement," you might answer and tell yourself, "I can make a clear plan to save more money, so I can save for retirement.
Replacing your highly negative thoughts with more realistic terms can inspire you to take positive action, which is key to shaping the life you want to live. If you're naturally pessimistic, it will take some effort to change your thoughts; however, count this hard work as an investment. Studies show that changing your thoughts also changes the size of your brain over time.
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