Note: This article is based on the work of the writer "Marc Chernoff" (MARC CHERNOFF), owner of the blog (marcandangel.com), in which he tells us about his experience of maintaining his strength in difficult circumstances.
My daughter - now a 21-year-old college student - has two younger siblings, I re-read the suicide note every year on my birthday as a reminder to be grateful; I'm really grateful that I got a second chance at life."
This is the opening paragraph of an email I received last night from a reader named Kevin; His words remind me that sometimes you have to die a little inside first, to be reborn and re-emerge as a more robust and smarter person.
Circumstances and people will break you sometimes, but if you focus your mind, keep your heart open to love, and keep moving forward, you can put things back together, rebuild what was broken, and come back stronger and happier than ever.
Angel (my wife and blogging partner) and I, have dealt with our share of adversity over the years, too.
Ways to stay strong when things aren't going so well
We've lost loved ones to illness, we've suffered because of money, etc., and we've written a lot about it; But today, in light of Kevin's email and dozens of other emails I've received in the past week from readers who are having a hard time, I want to discuss seven key actions you should take. To find strength when things don't seem to be going well.
1. Complete acceptance of reality as it is
You cannot find peace by avoiding life; Life changes with unexpected events every hour; So instead of avoiding it, take every change and experience as a challenge to grow; Either it will give you what you want or let you know what the next step is.
Finding peace and happiness in life does not mean being in a place with no noise, no challenges, and no hard work; It means being in the midst of those things while your heart is calm and at peace; It is about letting go of the stereotypes in your head of how things were supposed to be.
Of course, this is not easy; Rather, it is an ongoing struggle; But it's much easier than continuing to struggle to adjust your life to some outdated illusion. It's a more satisfying journey, too. When you decide to remove those old stereotypes from your head, you will find peace, beauty and happiness.
Honestly, life is too short to spend it fighting yourself; The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations; So letting go of unnecessary expectations is your first step towards happiness, and starting with a peace and accepting mindset will enable you to tackle almost anything and get through it.
2. Always remind yourself that everything in life is temporary
Every time it rains, the rain stops, and every time you get hurt, you heal from that pain; After darkness there is always light, and you are reminded of that with every sunrise; But you often forget, and instead, you choose to believe that the night will go on forever; Permanence is impossible.
So if things are good now enjoy it; It won't last forever, and if things are bad don't worry; Because it won't last forever either. If life is difficult at the moment, this doesn't mean that you will not feel happy, and if something happened that bothered you now, it doesn't mean that you cannot smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending, every second you get a new opportunity, you just have to seize this opportunity and make the most of it.
3. Encourage yourself to take the next step, whatever it may be
After studying the lives of many successful people, I am convinced that the most important thing that distinguishes successful people from others is pure perseverance. In a culture that seeks quick results, we must learn the importance of effort, patience, and perseverance. So be strong, resilient and present.
The most beautiful smiles are usually the ones that appear through the tears; Because disappointments often lead to success in the end. Every mistake, heartbreak, and loss carries with it a solution or a lesson that teaches you to improve your performance and results next time.
Therefore, the most reliable way to predict the future is to create it yourself. So get involved in life today instead of just watching it pass in front of you, and don't let the few things beyond your control negatively affect the infinite array of things you have control over.
The truth is that we all lose sometimes, and the bigger truth is that no single loss determines our fate at all; So learn from your experiences, be wiser, and move on.
In the end, sound does not come to those who wait for it; Rather, it comes to those who are patient and do their utmost in good or bad times to achieve what they want in life; It's about being brave, being scared to death, and then taking the next step anyway.
4. Be positive instead of giving in to negative thoughts
You may not have a clear reason to be positive today; But you do not need a reason; Being positive is a strategy, not a reaction, and the most powerful time to be positive is when everything around you is not positive.
Long-term happiness is not the absence of problems; rather the ability to treat it; So raise your awareness of your inner strength and positivity. You are in charge of how you interact with the people and events in your life. You can either bring negativity into your life, or choose to be positive instead by focusing on the great things that really matter. So talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems today.
In other words, don't wait for a reason to be positive; Instead, choose to be positive about your situation, your potential, and what you can do moving forward; Instead of looking for reasons to be positive, find ways to express your positive vision, work on making your life in line with that vision, and enjoy all the rewarding results that you get.
5. Focus on making some small fixes
Don't build high hopes in your mind, and don't try to face the world head on; When you seek instant gratification (big and quick fixes), you make life unnecessarily painful and frustrating, and when you choose instead to treat every moment as an opportunity to make a small, positive investment in yourself, the rewards come naturally.
When everything is broken it is easy to find many small things that you can fix, and when nothing seems to be going right even the most basic positive efforts can make a big difference. Times of adversity are also times of great opportunity. When you encounter problems in every direction in your life, great opportunities are also waiting to be seized.
When everything is going well, it is easy to become complacent, and easy to forget your abilities. So resolve to persevere by making small fixes every day. These minor adjustments get you from where you are to where you want to be in the long run.
Small steps, small leaps, small fixes (small frequent changes) every day will get you there no matter your difficulties.
6. Appreciation and gratitude for the little things
You may not have what you want or be badly hurt, but you still have enough to appreciate in the moment. The Greek philosopher Epicurus once said: “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you do not have, and remember that what you have now was of the things you could only hope for"; So consider this quote for when life seems so unfair.
Remember that being positive in a negative situation is not naivety; Rather, it is a sign of leadership and strength; You do it right when you have a lot to cry about and complain about; But you'd rather smile and appreciate your life than that.
Therefore, do not pray for great miracles to occur; forget to thank God for the ordinary, simple, and many blessings in your life. It may seem strange to feel grateful for those events in your life that seem ordinary, but through thanksgiving specifically, you can transform what is ordinary into exceptional.
Just think about it: What if you woke up tomorrow with the things you're grateful for today?
Think of all the beauty that is still around you, notice it, and smile. After all, it is not happiness that makes us feel grateful, but gratitude that makes us feel happy. So showing appreciation for the good things you do have is the most powerful happiness-promoting activity.
7. Give yourself the extra attention you need and deserve
It will not help you to resist and ignore your feelings and emotions; It will lead to stress, illness, confusion, broken relationships, outbursts of anger and bouts of deep, dark depression. Anyone who has experienced any of the above knows that these states of mind are very harmful, and when you are in the habit of self-neglect it is almost impossible to escape from it.
You have to admit to some extent that you have spent a lot of your life trying to close on yourself, trying to become simpler, calmer, less sensitive, less opinionated, less needy; Because you didn't want to be a burden, or bossy, or push people away, you wanted to fit in, to be liked, to make a good impression, you just wanted to be desirable.
Therefore, for years you sacrificed yourself for the happiness of others, and suffered greatly; But you are tired of these sufferings and sacrifices.
You don't have to change who you are to be worthwhile in someone else's opinion; You are worthwhile not because others see it; But because you are who you are, and therefore, you are an important person, and your thoughts matter, and your feelings matter, and your voice matters, with or without anyone's consent or permission, you must be yourself and live as you wish, even if you make people turn their heads away from you, and even if that bothers them, they can always choose to leave.
Reject favoritism, choose to take up too much space in your life, give yourself permission to attend to your own needs, choose to respect your feelings and emotions, and make self-care a top priority; In short, choose yourself.
In conclusion
I can tell you from my experience that life is an exciting adventure, I found happiness and lost it and found it and lost it again, but each time what I found was more impressive than the last.
So remember that everyone suffers in life at some point, and everyone feels lost sometimes, but the solution is to use your experiences to grow little by little, when you apply what you learn to your future choices and actions, you will move forward and not backward, and you will become stronger and wiser, it is not easy, But it's worth it in the end.
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