People go through several transformations in life. For example, they suffer from their children's departure, health crises, financial pressures, a family member’s death, the need to care for elderly parents, feeling insignificant at work, or losing passion for their beloved profession.
Reassessing Your Life through Midlife Adjustment
Things don't work as they used to, but what can you do? Midlife adjustment is one way to give your life another appraisal. It’s a time to re-examine your life, relationships, career, goals, and priorities and decide what to improve or reorganise.
Neca Smith, a midlife coach who assists women during career and life transitions, uses the example of forgotten clothes in a wardrobe, saying, "It really is this idea of editing things out. When I look at my closet, and when I tell my clients to do this, I say, ‘Go look at the things that you never wear. It is a version of yourself that no longer exists.’"
Midlife adjustment entails letting go of the past and making room for the present. When you let go of obsolete expectations, you can reassess your personality and career prospects and build a new version of yourself that is more aligned with your life. Smith says, "It is a level of satisfaction that you probably have never felt because you’re finally stepping into the true version, the real version of yourself."
You can't advance if you keep running in circles—doing the same things and expecting different outcomes. This is because you fear change, success, and failure. People naturally resist change, and understanding this can benefit you.
Smith suggests three stages a person goes through in this transitional process: the end, the beginning, and exploration:
1. The Transition Process Begins with Accepting the End
The end shouldn't be painful, but it should be organized. Smith challenges us with the question, "What am I ending?"
Reassessing your life breeds many emotions, followed by acknowledging unrealised expectations. These things happened but didn't turn out how we expected or ended differently than anticipated. Smith suggests that to deal with how life got to this point, "grieve and accept what did and did not happen."
The end also brings fear. Embrace the fear of losing your old identity as an opportunity for discovery and redefining your identity. Finding your true self is what midlife adjustment is all about—not losing it to fit others’ expectations.
Smith says, "One fear is losing identity. This is somehow true because you’re becoming a different version of yourself. The actual fear is embodied in the following question, ‘If I’m not this person, this thing that I’ve always done all of these years, then who am I?’"
She emphasises the need to rephrase the question to, "Who do I get to be?" Acknowledge the fears associated with change, take time to grieve, and let go of what no longer serves you. This lays the groundwork for accepting the past, learning from it, and moving forward with a clearer perspective.
2. Beginning a New Life
After grieving the end of your old lifestyle, embrace the beginning of a new one. Review the goals you previously established and identify what is important now. Rearrange your priorities based on your current values and aspirations.
Smith says, "Revisit your goals. What were some of the things that you put in place and said that you wanted to do by 50, or you realise it isn’t even that important?" If you didn't previously have those particular goals, Smith suggests reflecting on your early years and your childhood dreams.
When beginning anew, it's crucial to set aside some quiet time for introspection, whether through prayer, mindfulness, or meditation. Finding your inner purpose and realising your desires requires developing your intuition.
Smith says, "You really have to be intentional about your quiet time; when I say quiet time, for some people, that’s meditating. Some people practice mindfulness, some people pray."
3. Exploring Your Evolving Sense of Self
Once you’re ready to reassess your life, start small by pursuing new passions and interests. Open up to new activities or join groups aligning with your evolving self.
Smith says, "It’s just about getting out of that comfort zone and trying something new, and usually, at this age, I’ve noticed that you just don’t care as much about what other people think." So, stop worrying about others’ opinions and expectations, be yourself, and act authentically. It's who you are, and nobody can fault you for it. Your relationships will change as you learn and grow. Be honest with friends and family about the changes you're going through, and be open to exploring new ways of connecting with them.
Smith says, "Understand that when you change, that relationship is going to change—and that doesn’t mean it’s going to end right sometimes."
Have you ever wondered how you'll feel? Smith says, "It's freedom. And it almost feels like you have scales falling off of you. That’s what I’m envisioning—these scales falling off, and you can just really be free."
Parting Words
Adjusting to midlife is not a crisis but rather a chance for profound personal development, joy, and self-discovery. By accepting change, reassessing their goals, and approaching relationships honestly, people can transform their lives into enjoyable experiences.
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