Therefore, how do we preserve our authentic selves while discovering destructive patterns we've practiced for decades?
Answers become clearer when we use the Enneagram, a unique personality tool. It is one of the most important and well-known personality sciences, allowing individuals to identify their personality type easily.
The Enneagram identifies common soft skills and strengths and explains our behaviors. Also, it teaches us to be mindful of the shadows these skill sets can cast when we adopt habits that come from these unique strengths.
Host of the Enneagram podcast Fathoms, Seth Abram, describes how each Enneagram type has a corresponding sensitivity or talent that each of us is born with. We shape our personalities by relying on this talent to highlight our strengths.
Abram says, “Any Enneagram type's personality is what separates us from our true self. It's the mask we put on to meet our needs, strategically using our skills to navigate the world wisely.” However, Abram advises that focusing too much on one aspect of our identity may cause us to reject the other part of our truth.
Therefore, even when our talent isn't the appropriate response or solution to the problem, we wind up imposing our "talent" on the world through a set of unhealthy behavioral patterns whenever a challenge arises.
“If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail,” Abram continues. Our personalities become problematic when our perspective is too rigid, preventing us from approaching situations in a different light.
We can identify ways in which our strengths hinder us by recognizing our inclination to repeat the same flawed patterns we've trained ourselves to revert to under pressure. Furthermore, we'll be able to access the resources we already possess, but we often disown parts of ourselves to maintain an inauthentic persona.
Discover the patterns that sabotage your success by reading the excerpts below from interviews with individuals whose personalities fall under each Enneagram type. Understand the consequences of allowing your strengths to overshadow and conceal your authentic self.
Type One - The Perfectionist
- Strengths: Integrity and goodness.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Idealism.
“I usually don't trust anyone else to finish tasks as well as I do when I work hard. I feel alone because I can't get the help I want from anyone, so I take on more than I can handle. However, I also believe that I am the greatest; I am the only one who can do it, and I have to show them that I am capable of doing it.”
These people frequently feel they must step in and "fix" others' mistakes. However, if they let go of their frustration, they'll realize they don't have to correct every mistake. They can choose to do so willingly, and both they and those around them can settle for what is good enough.
Type Two - The Helper
- Strengths: Compassion and sensing others' needs.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Trying to buy relationships with service.
“I know I need to talk honestly with my ego when I see that I adjust my needs to soothe or alter someone else's feelings. I ask myself: 'Does diminishing your self-worth make you or anyone else feel better?' This helps in my self-authenticity.”
These people frequently think they are unlovable if others don't like them. By letting go of the need to please others, they can learn that their value isn't dependent on giving someone else a service (be it profit, pleasure, or emotional stability).
Type Three - The Achiever
- Strengths: Drive for success and ambition.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Confusing success with self-worth.
“Effective multitasking is one of my greatest superpowers. Unfortunately, I have the same expectations of others. I desire to accomplish ten tasks simultaneously and deliver them on time. Otherwise, I consider them incomplete and get impatient easily.”
These people adore recognition, success, and the limelight. Regardless of whether they are just starting out or have achieved the highest level of success, they can see through their facade and appreciate their true value (and the value of those around them) when they acknowledge that their accomplishments have come at the expense of their personal or professional relationships.
Type Four - The Individualist
- Strengths: Deep resonance with authenticity and truth.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Preferring emotion over logic
“I constantly feel that something is wrong in the world. When I'm honest with myself, I seek to fill the void by affirming my uniqueness to others. Inadequacy feelings may encourage me to express myself creatively. Also, it may make me emotionally needy. as I struggle to maintain emotional boundaries.”
These people value feelings and emotions more than data and facts. They are drawn to things that arouse their feelings and strengthen their sense of individuality on an instinctual level. They can find satisfaction even when conformity is demanded because they understand that their uniqueness derives from more than just being unique. Rather than relying on large-scale, theatrical gestures, they will prefer to be amiable to others.
Type Five - The Investigator
- Strengths: Collect and connect data.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Denying emotions and relationships.
“I avoid experiencing new things or going into certain situations because I want to feel like an expert in everything I do or talk about. This often leads to missed opportunities.”
These people need to temporarily withdraw until they feel ready because they enter a state of mental chaos when they step out of their logical or experiential comfort zone. As they get involved, they learn that dealing with the real world and its inhabitants is frequently a more effective teacher.
Type Six - The Loyalist
- Strengths: Discerning trustworthiness.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Seeking safety and reassurance from others.
“I am extremely loyal. I'm an ever-present friend. Also, I am the client who sticks to specific brands because they've 'earned my trust.' However, this sometimes leads to one-sided friendships, distrust of new things, or doubting my inner voice. I find it challenging to make decisions without others' influence because I genuinely care about their thoughts, and I want to remain loyal to them for a sense of security.”
These people prioritize security and safety, which may lead them to cling to harmful relationships or entities if they believe they'll provide protection. However, if they take a moment to clear their minds and focus, they'll realize that their inner voice is the most trustworthy resource available.
Type Seven - The Enthusiast
- Strengths: Rapid optimism.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Impatience with pain or sadness.
“When confronted with difficult emotions or situations, I seek ways to escape by looking at the bright side or imagining a painless future. This happens because I don't distinguish between true happiness and false pleasure. Therefore, I don't just want to experience life's ups and downs but also rob others' need for sadness.”
These people always take advantage of every opportunity to enjoy themselves because they always switch things up. However, this keeps them in a limited world, preventing them from having real relationships with people and experiences they want. However, it's impossible to run away from sadness, and sometimes, facing failure head-on is essential to success.
Type Eight - The Challenger
- Strengths: Confidence in facing challenges.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Using power to avoid vulnerability.
“One of my superpowers is efficiently harnessing my energy and motivation to accomplish tasks. I work hard and quickly, often failing to listen to others. Even though I might succeed in achieving my goals, my relationships frequently suffer permanent harm. Every day, I have to ask myself, ‘What am I not listening to?’”
For these people, taking charge quickly comes naturally, so relationships will suffer if they don't realize it. Understanding how to control their intense energy with vulnerability and patience—a place where real power is given rather than taken—is essential to harnessing it for long-term success.
Type Nine - The Peacemaker
- Strengths: Unifying others and pleasing everyone.
- Success Sabotage Pattern: Suppressing personal opinions to avoid conflict.
“I feel anxious when I realize I'm working on unimportant tasks that won't matter in the long run. Yet, I commit to these tasks to the point of physical pain just to avoid a conversation I am certain will lead to conflict. Relationships get better rather than worse if I have those conversations.”
These people are masters of deception, seeming to agree while concealing strong opposition. They are not merely peacekeepers. They must know when "productivity" is just a cover for negativity if they want to remain true to themselves.
How Can We Repair These Success-Sabotaging Patterns?
Knowing what you are looking for is the first step. From here, Abram suggests developing a physical replacement habit, like breathing or squeezing your hand, that brings you back to the present and keeps you from thinking automatically.
He says, “When I notice a pattern in myself, I take a few deep breaths to ground myself in the present moment, where our Enneagram type emerges when we are absent. The more you become aware of your patterns and bring yourself back to the present, the more adept you can become at responding instead of relying on your typical reactive patterns.”
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