Note: This article is by writer and blogger Jay Harrington, in which he tells us about his and his wife's experience and the advice he gives on being bold enough to make some positive and important changes.
We recognize the dissonance between what we have been dreaming and living. Still, we justify it by saying that the dreams we have dreamed in our youth are impractical, and the pursuit of deep-seated desires rather than the purpose of life itself is not a realistic or responsible act, and it may even be selfish.
Time passes, and nothing changes. We find excuses to justify this. When we are thirty years old, we try to improve our work, plan marriage and stability, and try to meet our premiums, and our excuse is that we do not have enough time.
And when we're 40 years old, and we have kids and home payments, and we have to save for the boys' college, our excuse is that we have a lot of responsibilities.
By the time we're 50, we're suffering from back pain. We're tired and saving for retirement, and our excuse becomes that we're older.
The lifetime train passes quickly; its speed increases and does not decrease. If we are not careful, a list of excuses instead of achievements and experiences will be replaced by our goals. It's easy to let a routine take over your life, and when it does, your progress in life will stop.
We forget ourselves to live up to the expectations of others that determine the way we are supposed to think, what we should say, and what we should or should not do.
But that's not always the case because any dream is a candle worth lighting, and no matter how dim its light is, it will brighten up difficult circumstances, especially when the routine becomes unbearable. During stressful times, such as illness or broken relationships, we evoke the courage to reconsider what we really want from our lives. These events make one turn to one's dreams and stick to them more.
How do you accept the challenge?
In the world of drama and novels, the driving event is usually the one that changes the course of the story, the act or decision that brings about a problem that the protagonist must overcome.
In books and movies, the triggering event is easily discernible; it is the moment when the hero irrevocably acts or changes his life. That's how it is in fairy tales. Almost every story follows the same path. There is a driving event, a struggle, a triumph at the end, and twists and turns along the way. But the problem is always solved, and the actors will bow respectfully before the audience at the end.
Art can mimic reality, but the reality is entirely different. It's messy, at least at the end; we're all characters in some stories. However, unlike most books and movies, our story doesn't always have a happy ending. Animated events surround us, but they rarely lead to real change.
Lately, we've all had to move. Even if you are not infected, the collateral damage of COVID-19 has inevitably affected you. The urgent question is: Will you benefit from all of this as a means of change, or will you accept things as they are?
If that question comes to you in one form or another, you're not the only one. For me, it led to other questions: What legacy will I leave? And how will I look at the future to the time I spent during the pandemic? What are my priorities? What lesson will I teach my children and help them face the inevitable challenges they will face? Was I useful to others? Is there enough opportunity in the world for everyone, or should I race for my chances and successes? Do I really live for myself? What changes do I need to make? If not now, when?
The problem with the driving event that came as a global pandemic is that this variety of crises tends to discourage rather than inspire positive change. In times like these, we tend to retreat and avoid taking risks. We protect ourselves. We accept the status quo even if it is unsatisfactory and get stuck in the current circumstances.
Five years ago, in the face of other challenges, my wife and I were armed with the courage to work and change our circumstances for the better, and we moved hundreds of miles away to a place we loved, but we previously lacked the will and the courage to make it our home. We started a new business, lived a new life, and sought.
It worked, and the experience was inspiring in many ways. We're still not sure exactly where this trip will end, but we've pushed ourselves to act. This is important because everything positive in our lives has happened due to getting out of our comfort zones.
Three common challenges hindering progress
One of the most important lessons we've learned is that to progress. You first must understand what's holding you back. Only after diagnosing the problem can you determine the correct course of treatment. Here are three common challenges to progress and some ideas for improvement:
1. The sunken cost fallacy
Have you ever stayed in a job or situation long because you felt like you put a lot of time and effort into it? And did you fear that moving away was used less despite the bad situation you were going through? Most of us have gone through such experiences; this means that we have fallen victim to the “sunken cost fallacy.”
A sunk cost is incurred in a project that cannot be recovered. The fallacy is that we can recover high costs by doing more. We make the wrong or no decisions because we don't want to accept the fact that the past is gone, so instead of making progress on a new path, we exacerbate our mistakes based on the irrational desire to justify our past decisions.
People overestimate the sunk costs, underestimate the value of future investments, and remain hesitant for too long even though they are unhappy because they doubt their ability to make a positive difference.
The sunken costs are gone, and you can't recover them, so there's no reason to regret the mistakes of the past. There's no reason to exacerbate it by not changing behavior, so learn from your past and remember that every bump is a step toward your future.
2. Living for others
Most people live their lives based on their perceptions of what others might think about their actions and decisions rather than focusing on their dreams and desires. Instead of making themselves happy, they constantly worry about pleasing others.
You worry about your parents' opinion if you leave your job, your friends' opinion if you communicate with certain people, and you get embarrassed by your co-workers to express your opinion in meetings. You think about whether people like what you post on social networking pages.
This is not a healthy way to live; it is a recipe for staying lost in a maze. It does not mean that we should not care about the opinions of others about us, but it means that we should not make it the principle that guides all our lives.
So, what if someone passes judgment on you? Satisfying people is a goal you don't realize you can't control. What you can control is your reaction; you can allow it to frustrate you, or you can ignore it and move on with your life. There's no way everyone loves you, but depending on how you respond, you can earn their respect, and that should be the goal.
This is not a call to be a narcissist, but it is a call to live on your terms. Progress begins with having a well-developed value system and the courage to express it without shame. Not everyone will like it, of course, but if you're honest with yourself and your principles, you'll deserve respect no matter where your approach to life takes you.
3. Thinking “Why me?” instead of “Why not me?”
We hear stories of “overnight success,” people who have gained fame and fortune after being nobody, and companies that start with a small garage or bedroom and quickly get billions of dollars in valuations. These stories promote great audio clips in the internet and social media age and leave people thinking that success comes from a stroke of luck, not hard work, and determination.
Except in a few cases, the phenomenon of overnight success is an illusion. We see the result - fame and fortune - but we don't know the effort, sweat, tears, toil, failure, sacrifice, and rejection behind the accomplishment.
Often, no one achieves anything of value the first time they try or even the second or third time. In fact, the road to success for most people is full of failed attempts.
If you're willing to work hard and persevere through adversity, you can become “successful” no matter how you go about it. It won't happen overnight. If you have this in mind, you will not seek luck, nor will you ask desperately and defeatedly, “Why me?” Instead, you'll toil confidently, roll up your sleeves, and say, “Why not me?” And head to work. Success begins and ends with an enduring belief in oneself.
The COVID-19 crisis is a curse, but how can you turn it into an opportunity? And what would you do in the face of this apparent impulse to make changes for the better?
Add comment