Some parents may say things like, "I don't think my child is lying to me, I have good children," "Video games aren't that bad, I played them when I was younger, and I read that video games are good for hand-eye coordination," or "I watch what my kids do online."
All parents have preconceived ideas about parenting, even though they all adore their kids. Life includes biases.
Most of us are probably familiar with the tale of the "Emperor's New Clothes," in which some con artists and charlatans convince the Emperor to purchase the most expensive clothing despite the fact that they are invisible garments for stupid or incompetent people.
The people of the city didn't begin to notice the emperor's lack of clothing until a young child yelled out loudly, "The emperor wears nothing," and they did so because the emperor was unable to see the clothes but was extremely proud of them. They wanted to believe something was true so badly that they were acting in this way because they were so blinded and constrained by their predetermined bias.
When parents love their children, they develop prejudices and lose the ability to understand them, which has a negative impact on the children.
When it comes to parenting in the age of technology, there are some gaps that parents need to fill, such as confusing emotional and physical development with intelligence and believing that love always equates to trust. Other gaps include relying excessively on parental control to prevent issues from arising and on conversations to alter behavior.
What are the prejudices?
Biases are necessary in life. They aid in survival skills and energy conservation.
In order to manage risk and make decisions efficiently, the brain's executive system naturally develops some biases. That is why we rely on biases to take shortcuts; however, these shortcuts can increase assumptions, preventing us from detecting early warning signs of potentially dangerous activities.
Here are a few biases in the world of screens and technology that may surprise parents:
1. The bias of "Not my child" or "My child will never do that"
Some parents claim that their children are different from their peers, act maturely and with good self-control, and are very intelligent. Others claim that their teenage daughters are more mature than their older brothers and can handle smartphone distractions. She is never a concern of mine.
In fact, parents' perceptions of their children's uniqueness are commonplace. Most parents mistakenly believe that their kids stand out from the crowd and are more mature than they actually are. We mistakenly believe that our children are wise because they behave in a mature manner, but this does not imply that they are more mature than their peers.
In light of the science surrounding the development of the brain, we understand that all children and adolescents are immature and that parenting techniques cannot speed up the maturation process. Till our mid-20s, when the frontal cortex has stronger neural connections, we have not fully matured.
Although your child may be extremely intelligent, they lack maturity. When it comes to using adult technology, your child is not immune from making poor decisions, and we do our children a disservice when we assume they are.
2. The optimism bias of parents
- "I trust my child because I believe in them and want the best for them."
- "My child never tells me a lie, and I am confident that nothing bad will ever occur to them online. If it does, however, they will inform me and we will deal with it together.
In fact, it is simple to overestimate the likelihood of positive outcomes while underestimating the likelihood of negative outcomes. We presume that our children won't engage in inappropriate online behavior, but statistics reveal the exact opposite.
It is beneficial for parents to be upbeat, but doing so could cause them to have excessive faith in their adolescent children, which would then compromise their emotional well-being. As using smart devices and screens does not necessarily require the power of positive thinking.
3. Bias in dialogue
- "My kids will be fine as long as I warn them not to do certain things, not to reveal personal information online, to ignore any content that isn't appropriate for their age, and to discuss other rules with them," I said.
- "My kids will let me know if they discover anything questionable on the Internet,"
In fact, by having conversations about these issues, if the discussions were truly successful, we would be able to completely eradicate teen delinquency. Conversations are the cornerstone of creating a strong bond with your kids, but they cannot alter behavior on their own, and when we over-rely on talking about digital safety, we endanger our kids.
And while the ongoing discussions show that you are knowledgeable and have advice for your children's lives, they are not your greatest asset when it comes to protecting their privacy when using technology.
4. ingrained bias
- "I trust my child when she uses her smartphone because when she was 8 years old, she told me about a bad thing that she saw on her own device and showed me, I am very proud of her because she is a very mature child, and we have a close relationship so I have no reason to believe she won't be open and honest with me."
- "My kids have been watching cartoons on YouTube for years, and there is nothing to worry about."
In fact, entrenched bias suggests that we are strongly influenced by the first impression we form about a topic or a person. However, this impression may incorrectly influence our judgment on subsequent evaluations. In the same manner, just because your child tells you something once does not guarantee that he will tell you everything.
When we have ingrained biases, we are not receptive to new information and have a propensity to focus on one positive event rather than assessing our children at various developmental stages. A 12-year-old'sactionsmay differ greatly from those of an 8-year-old.
Making wise choices about the use of technology and smart devices will be easier if we are receptive to new information and viewpoints.
5. Confirmation bias, or the search for evidence to support one's beliefs
- "Video games and social media are appropriate for my kids because modern culture, the educational system, and all of my friends find them to be beneficial. And we don't have any other options. We don't want our kids to fall behind in understanding how to use today's technology."
- "Every child in my child's class has a smartphone, and they all appear to be doing fine. My kids shouldn't be socially isolated."
In fact, we frequently look for information that supports the beliefs we already hold, and there are many sources we can consult if we want to believe that social media and video games are beneficial for our kids.
We take these actions in part because doing what most people do requires less energy, and in part because we want our children to love us. We therefore allow them to follow their peers' lead.
But following the crowd is frequently incorrect. This is due to the fact that most people prefer to make only a small effort and take the simple route, and that our current culture tends to favor the route that will be financially more lucrative rather than the route that will be best for our children.
Going against the grain of the dominant culture, studying the facts, and getting away from what other people are doing all take more effort, but you should always proceed with caution and thorough research before making a decision.
Remember that you care about your children more than others do and that when we refuse to consider other options, we might be endangering our children if you have a gut feeling that your child is being harmed as a result of their smartphone use.
6. The status quo bias: Change is more difficult than the status quo
- “I can't take my teenage son's phone away from him right now. He's had it for a long time."
- "My son has been playing on his phone for years, and he will lose his mind if I stop him now."
We develop habits, and since it takes a lot of energy and effort to change habits, we often prefer to maintain our current habits because we believe that changing anything would be a loss. This is particularly true when it comes to giving up smartphones.
We think that because our kids are already using it, it is simple for us to let them keep using it, and it is very challenging to consider changing it.
Making changes to smartphones is one of the hardest decisions to make because both change and doing the right thing are difficult. This is due to the fact that it is one of our society's most deeply ingrained traditions.
Anything worthwhile is typically challenging, and this is no different. Most children suffer because their parents are unwilling to change their digital habits, which is a difficult but necessary change.
7. Information Bias (out of context examples)
- "I know a girl who despised her mother for years because she refused to give her a smartphone."
In fact, this mental acronym is based on examples that come to mind when a specific topic is mentioned. They must be more accurate if we recall them quickly. The fact that you remember a specific story when discussing a topic makes it seem important and valid, but we rarely remember the entire story.
How do you win the battle against bias?
When you get the right information, think hard, and look at the problem from a new perspective, you can overcome biases and weaknesses. The sooner you grasp the science and recognize the warning signs, the less biased you will be.
It makes no sense for children to spend more time on their smartphones than they do learning life skills or spending time with their peers. We know it's normal for kids to choose low-effort, high-reward activities to practice challenging life skills, and we also know that the lure of digital devices outweighs their ability to do without them.
This is why they require objective risk assessment and parenting decisions from their parents.
Parents, on the other hand, do not need research studies or social groups to confirm what they know deep down about what is best for their children, so the day you feel something isn't right is the day to act.
Stop looking for people to convince you that allowing your kids to use video games and digital devices is good for them. Instead, get clear information, be open to new ideas, and change your behavior. If you find yourself seeking out more justifications for your kids to use their phones, this is a warning sign that there may be a problem.
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