However, Narcissus thinks less of them. The story ends with him falling in love with his reflection in the water and dying alone.
Like other ancient tales, the myth of Narcissus is a cautionary tale warning of the perils of self-absorption. Freud cited the narrative to create the narcissism concept, a mental state characterized by an excessive love for oneself and a persistent lack of empathy for others.
Professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and social personality psychologist W. Keith Campbell states that there wasn't much interest in narcissism when he started researching it more than 25 years ago. At the time, it was considered an archaic psychoanalytic term of little consequence.
However, as you can see from the abundance of books and articles addressing it, this topic has recently garnered much attention. Campbell claims that many aspects of contemporary society are contributing to the narcissism epidemic we are currently experiencing. He lists several ways that modern culture encourages this behavior in his most recent book, The New Science of Narcissism: Understanding One of the Greatest Psychological Challenges of Our Time—and What You Can Do About It.
Campbell said, "If you want to build a society where narcissism thrives, it will be a society dominated by superficial relationships, where my bad reputation won't reach people's ears if I deceive others because I can easily form new relationships. It will be a society where appearance triumphs over substance."
The Spread of Narcissism in Civil Life
It is simple to observe how narcissistic and self-loving sentiments are encouraged in our culture. For decades, the entertainment and influential advertising industry have piqued our interest in social status, and stoked our thirst for fame and desires. Compared to previous generations, we now yearn for a sense of uniqueness more than ever before, and we have more opportunities than ever before to express it. We can brag about any event in our lives by sharing a well-chosen selfie or by publicly criticizing a product or service that falls short of our expectations.
According to Campbell, the places where narcissism has spread the most are big cities and online, where you can set boundaries and treat people around you like disposable objects. Still, it's harder to keep up this behavior in a small town or tight-knit community where everyone knows each other.
"People don't want narcissism in those kinds of communities. Everyone knows if you are full of yourself, so they just ignore you," says Campbell.
Confidence and Its Consequences
There is an unavoidable flaw in the narcissistic worldview that undermines relationships despite all the paths that lead to self-love. Ask anyone who works for or is married to a narcissistic person. According to research, the most susceptible to personality disorders are those who live and work close to such individuals.
However, narcissists are also often very attractive, at least initially. According to Campbell, these individuals frequently radiate strength and confidence, which are desirable qualities in a potential partner. But eventually, their allure wears off when you realize how selfish they are.
Similar to other mental disorders, narcissism has a wide range of manifestations. Everybody has experienced times when they thought life was unfair or that minor irritations prevented them from getting what they deserved. Therefore, we quickly tend to ignore other people's feelings and concentrate only on our gains and losses, especially when our ego is threatened. We can only hope that compassion and humility will quickly return us to a more balanced perspective.
On the other hand, an advanced narcissist lacks humility. Their main priorities in life are to boost their egos, and they hardly ever feel bad about harming other people. The diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder in its most severe forms is based on several factors, one of which is when behavior causes harm. According to Campbell, people who are conceited but are still capable of leading normal lives without harming others shouldn't be given a personality disorder diagnosis.
Epoch Times asked Campbell about the factors contributing to the emergence of narcissistic behavior and the steps we can take to address this trend.
Epoch Times: When I think of narcissism, I picture someone open and self-assured to the point of arrogance. However, you claim that there is another, more prevalent kind of narcissist—the vulnerable and secretive kind.
W. Keith Campbell: When most people think of narcissism, they typically picture someone conceited, arrogant, self-aggrandizing, and self-assured. They are conceited but end up doing well in the end because they don't fear becoming famous or politicians.
In the social media-driven world of today, the grandiose narcissist has gained greater prominence. They are increasingly active on social media and promoting themselves more.
However, fragile narcissism is another type of narcissism that has been clinically observed. The fragile narcissist, like other narcissists, is attention-seeking but fears criticism and being attacked. It is a real and painful push-pull process.
If you are a fragile narcissist, you think others are idiots but still think highly of yourself. Many issues stem from fragile narcissism, which also brings about a lot of suffering.
Doctors who have studied narcissism since the 1960s or earlier have seen patients who are more fragile than grandiose. A person may come in with depression to see a doctor, but as they start talking, the doctor realizes that they are arrogant, believing that no one appreciates their genius.
This is narcissism at its most extreme. In a less severe form, the individual feels undervalued and significant. Also, they are afraid of facing life outside. They are afraid of attention, yet they crave it; they live in this frightening place where anxiety rules their existence.
These people most likely will visit a physician because they genuinely experience distress in their lives and feel unsafe. Being a grandiose narcissist will make your spouse, children, and employees suffer, but you won't suffer like them. You feel satisfied with yourself and believe everything is going well until everything turns upside down.
Epoch Times: When does a person with narcissistic traits cross over into someone with a real personality disorder?
W. Keith Campbell: To be diagnosed as a clinical disorder, their condition must show a high proportion of narcissistic traits. It's a combination of fragility and grandeur. You must experience some form of impairment as well. It has to be interfering in some way with your life. Perhaps it negatively affects your decision-making process because you take too many risks, or maybe your excessive confidence hurts your relationships. This is very important in dealing with the grandiose narcissistic person because you may ruin your marriage or destroy your workplace without feeling any guilt.
If you're a fragile narcissist, you might experience anxiety or depression. However, a psychiatrist must perform a clinical examination to diagnose your condition. For this reason, you will never hear me state that someone has narcissistic personality disorder. I leave clinical diagnosis to the experts because it requires a clear impairment, which is hard to do from a distance.
Epoch Times: Fragile narcissists have very clear reasons for seeking help, but how can grandiose narcissists show that they are capable of changing? How will you acknowledge your problem if you think you are perfect?
W. Keith Campbell: According to most research, treating grandiose narcissistic individuals presents challenges because they may not seek therapy in the first place or may withdraw easily.
However, they certainly know they have a problem. They are aware of their issue, though. In a recent study, one of our graduate students asked a large group of narcissistic people if they were conscious of their characteristics, either positive or negative. Our research revealed that grandiose narcissists are aware of their occasional bad behavior, that they are fairly aggressive, and that they have a problem. Also, they wish that their behavior hadn't escalated to this point.
They know that, and I think there are helpful ways to address this. I have personally heard people admit that they are aware of the abuse they have inflicted upon their families and relationships. These people will say, "I want the same thing in my life," when they see a happy family. They understand that having a family is nice, even though they may not want to give up what they are doing.
Epoch Times: People who have been in relationships with narcissistic partners have told me a lot of scary stories, so I can understand why some people believe that people should avoid these kinds of personalities. However, the opposite can be asserted. Therefore, what makes narcissists very attractive?
W. Keith Campbell: When we start looking for a life partner, we look for qualities like confidence, sociability, openness, and a lack of fear when presenting ourselves. They are looking to connect. Narcissism and these qualities are closely linked. While having genuine kindness and confidence are acceptable qualities, grandiose narcissism also includes them.
Getting to know someone, building a relationship over time, developing interest, and finally reaching a more emotionally intimate level are the typical phases of a relationship between two individuals.
However, for narcissists, this relationship development does not truly occur in this obvious manner. At first, they seem fascinating and incredibly fun. After six months, you express a desire to enter the intimate phase of the relationship and begin to consider a future with them. Then, things begin to fall apart because the narcissist wants to keep things superficial while still achieving their relationship's objective.
It's a tough issue because nobody ever admits, "I will make you fall in love with me and then break you. Then, I will make you doubt yourself and believe you are a failure to judge people." Or wears a t-shirt that declares, "I'm a narcissist."
It's difficult to predict where things will go when you meet someone who is open, enjoyable, and fun. You must get their full life history. In my opinion, the best indicator of a person's future behavior is their past behavior.
Epoch Times: A narcissist lacks empathy for others. But why is empathy necessary? Is there anything wrong with looking after yourself first?
W. Keith Campbell: The success levels of things are the issue. Selfishness, pleasure-seeking, and always going after your own desires lead to recklessness, mistakes, and the breakdown of interpersonal relationships. People will eventually tire of you because you're always thinking about yourself.
You will frequently have to set aside your desires at some point in your life to support your family or the team. What you gain in return is becoming a member of the group.
Therefore, if I'm on a football team, it means that I have become a committed player for this teaة. I pass the ball to allow others to shoot, and I encourage the players when they push to score. Over time, the benefits I will accrue surpass the gains I would have made had I been self-centered. If you are exceptionally gifted, you may be able to get away with things sometimes, but in the end, people won't want you in their lives.
In the long run, this will help both the group and you, as it involves sacrificing some of your desires for the group's good. It's a well-known social theory, but to achieve something better, you have to give up something you love. You won't get much and will have a very limited life if you live only for yourself.
People who live their lives as they please daily are unhappy because they ruin everything.
Epoch Times: While social media is frequently held responsible for our increased self-centeredness, role-playing is another cultural trend that plays a part in this. In what ways does this promote narcissism?
W. Keith Campbell: There weren't many other opportunities to be exceptional besides captaining the football team in high school. But it's a good thing that you could be a part of a group.
Since there are currently very few opportunities to truly be great in our culture, where everyone thinks they are great, we have created other, almost full-time jobs, such as social media and multiplayer video games, where people can still feel appreciated. This way, people can elevate their social status.
These fantasy realms satisfy a lot of their narcissistic needs. Also, it can reveal a creative side in addition to narcissism. However, it appears that's only one side of the story.
"The legend within your mind" refers to the process of crafting a personal narrative about yourself. Role-playing gives you a real place to do that. Being the captain of your football team, a CEO, or a successful lawyer is no longer required. In this world, there is greater room for individuals. It creates opportunities for social advancement and appreciation that were previously unattainable.
Epoch Times: Epoch Times: What steps may parents take to avoid raising a narcissistic person?
W. Keith Campbell: First and foremost, show your kids love and respect, and be a good role model for them. Second, I always advise parents to exercise mercy, passion, and responsibility:
- Mercy: Teach them to empathize with others or demonstrate it to them personally. Even though you can be proud of yourself, you won't ruin your life if you have empathy.
- Passion: People will not feel as arrogant when engaged in an activity or project that they are passionate about, regardless of their hobbies, such as dance, sports, or the arts. It is related to pleasure, self-stimulation, and a state of flow. Going surfing and having a good time is far more enjoyable than taking tons of photos of myself surfing so I can brag to everyone about what a fantastic person I am.
- Responsibility: It is about accepting accountability for your deeds, no matter how good or bad, and acknowledging that you are ultimately in charge of the outcomes. You can engage in genuine participation in the world when you can accept responsibility. When things go well, you receive appreciation, and when they don't, you are to blame. You can use this to improve your self-respect gradually. Also, you can know the real you if you can tell when you succeed and when you fail, as you are conscious of your strengths and weaknesses.
I put my children in situations with natural consequences all the time. This excites them greatly because they can learn what causes success and failure. With no one to judge them in this situation, their skills can advance remarkably quickly, so there's no room for vanity. It's just them and nobody else.
Epoch Times: How should we act if we find ourselves in a close professional or personal relationship with a narcissist?
W. Keith Campbell: It primarily depends on the relationship's power dynamics. Ensure that they have no power over you. Additionally, as much self-defense as you can is necessary. If the relationship is in a work environment, they may seek to harm you, so you should keep records of everything and talk to the HR department about it. In a family situation, you need to determine who controls your financial resources and understand the relationship structure.
Then, once you feel secure and are certain that you are not in a situation that puts you in danger, it's acceptable to talk to them directly. If your manager is narcissistic, establish your place in the organization, build some allies, and then you can talk about the very particular behaviors that bother you. Don't tell your manager at work that you think they are narcissistic. Moreover, avoid engaging in it when you're angry. Being open about it might seem like a good idea, but it might not be.
I don't mean to frighten you, but I've heard so many of these stories that I firmly think it's crucial to be completely prepared in advance. These people are extremely deceptive, and you will never have a chance to win, nor can you ever outsmart your narcissistic partner. Therefore, you must give yourself enough time to protect yourself.
Add comment