Our income can be limited if we cannot promote our products in a way that arouses the desire of the client to receive them, or we are unable to express what we aspire to receive in a job interview or ask for a bonus from management. On the other hand, it will be challenging to deepen our relationships if we do not have enough self-confidence to meet new people or can resolve disputes, and express ourselves.
But really, how often do we practice this skill? Most of the time, we avoid it and prefer to learn it as we move forward. Unfortunately, during our lives, most of us acquire some destructive and hidden habits at the same time that will spoil our discussions with others. The biggest problem is that some of these habits are perfect mechanisms for communication.
Therefore, when training leaders and other experts on how to evolve human performance at work, these bad habits are often addressed because understanding how human behavior relates to a particular job can be a perfect competitive advantage.
Five facts to help you gain the ability to connect directly with anyone you meet:
1. The human mind pays attention to subtle signals:
When someone speaks, their subconscious mind looks to see if people are interested in what they are saying - a defense mechanism to ensure we can't be embarrassed or hurt by our environment -so our brain will monitor everything from body language and facial expressions to the spoken words.
When listening to someone, you should not look away for more than a few seconds because the moment you start staring at other people or TV screens or constantly looking in another direction, you will spoil the discussion. The other party feels that what they say is insignificant, which may cause a real shock that will negatively affect their self-confidence. Therefore, it is necessary to take caution when listening to others, and it would be good to ask your close friends and family whether there is anything you do while they are talking that causes them to explode in anger.
2. It's not all about you:
If you're having a discussion and the other person is talking, give them a chance to speak, as many people think that interrupting the story and linking it to their own lives is a perfect way to enhance communication. While it's okay to do it in balance, but exaggerating it is very frustrating for the other party.
Not only can you build trust between you and someone, but when they feel that every time they start talking about something of their own, you will interrupt them. It not only distracts their mental and emotional focus in the discussion, it also makes them reluctant in the future to talk to you at all.
3. Attention from making unhelpful comments:
Who doesn't have that friend who likes to talk to them all the time but can't keep focusing on what we say despite their good intentions towards us? It's easy to find out they stop listening at any point in the conversation. They tend to use comments or responses that could be more helpful and relevant to our conversation. Unhelpful comments are traditional phrases that we resort to saying to show the other party that we are still listening to them, such as, "Yes," "Oh, this is great," "Your understanding," "This is interesting" and other phrases. Still, it can be evident and distracting when you use them to pretend that you are listening.
With the many tasks we have to accomplish, we all must act like this at some point. However, if no one has yet revealed your pretense to be listening, you may never realize how obvious and disrespectful it is to the speaking party. As a general rule: you should always listen to others as you want them to listen to you.
4. Don't pretend you know everything:
When talking to others, we often tend to show that we are highly educated and knowledgeable. Some of us find it difficult to admit that we are learning something new for the first time, and many leaders find it difficult to accept advice, as they feel that they should be aware of everything and only instructed.
On the other hand, most employees are eager to prove themselves, so they try not to reveal any of their weaknesses. However, we have all experienced what it means to have a conversation thinking that you are making an important point, but you find the other party barely acknowledges its importance.
Regardless of your position or experience, if you want to communicate with or influence someone, you should make them feel important. In the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People, the ninth rule of the American writer Dale Carnegie is the following: "Make the other person feel important and make sure to do it honestly." When you enable the other person to feel important to you, it will give them a good feeling and the utmost ability to disclose to you. So, distance yourself from arrogance, and try to prevent them from controlling your actions and behavior.
5. Plan:
If you are a person who is stressed or stuck during a conversation, plan what you will ask. However, this is not to make your emotions automatic and turn you into a robot, but to clear your mind, arrange your thoughts and gain self-confidence to enjoy an easy natural conversation.
You can have any conversation once you ask the right questions, so you have three open questions, prompting you to think about every situation you might encounter.
Possible interactions can be divided into:
- A potential networking event or business opportunity.
- Meet someone new at a social event.
- The coincidence of a friend.
The solution is to ask unexplained questions that can get the other party to pause for a moment and think about the correct answer. The great thing here is that your conversation will not only be interesting for the other party but also difficult for them to forget.
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