Note: This article is adapted from blogger Madison Franz, who shares her personal experience in being kinder to herself.
I realized that being fully present for others is pointless unless you exist for yourself, and you cannot be present for others unless you are present for yourself.
Practical Ways to Better Take Care of Yourself
Here are four things that everyone should learn to become their own best friend. These steps may be challenging, but they are worthwhile:
1. Learning to Say No
One of the hardest things for me is rejection. I am a giving person who enjoys being helpful and doing good. Although I enjoy being busy, I later came to the realization that I overcommit and burn myself off with a simple fear of disappointing other people. I frequently worry that they won't like me if I don't help them.
I'm not saying you should refuse all help, but I do want to encourage you to make the necessary decisions about how you allocate your time and energy daily, so pick some things you want to do and stick to them.
It's difficult for me to say no, but I asked myself two questions: Do I truly want to do this? If not, is it possible that I am depriving someone else of the opportunity who is equally or even more qualified than me?
2. Doing Your Best Does Not Imply Putting Your Health at Risk
People often judge us based on our performance and what we do for them, so I hope you understand that doing your best and striving for excellence does not imply foregoing basic needs and health in general, and doing your best does not imply being perfect.
Setting clear expectations in our relationships with others is important, and we should do the same with ourselves. Even though you have work to do, it may feel like you can take a nap, and it may mean putting away your textbooks and watching your favorite movie instead.
It is beneficial to have friends who constantly encourage and push you to take responsibility for your physical and psychological health, as you can do by setting a timer or scheduling your tasks. I had a rule in high school that if I didn't finish my day's work by 9:00 p.m., I had to go to bed. Now, I set aside thirty minutes every day to do something I enjoy outside of work, such as listening to music or going for a walk. Take these minor details seriously.
3. Enjoying Your Own Company
As an extroverted person, I enjoy being around people. However, I'm only now realizing that part of being a good friend to yourself is making time to be alone, which terrifies me. Additionally, I've discovered that setting aside some time each day to do something on my own is valuable.
I try to incorporate some alone time into my daily routine, whether it's writing poetry, searching online, or doing something else. You can go for a run or go out on your own with your favorite beverage. Others may spend their time cooking or binge-watching their favorite shows.
If you do not want to set a date every day to accomplish something for yourself, you can choose a specific day every week to enjoy your own company. Although it may seem strange, allocating time for yourself is the foundation of your relationships with others, and this act does not reflect selfishness but is considered one of the most altruistic things you can do. I've discovered that having a strong sense of self gives me greater clarity in my interactions with others, and most importantly, I know what's best for me.
4. Realizing That Neither You Nor Anyone Else Is Important to the Other
For some, this may imply unfollowing accounts on social media that consistently make them feel unappreciated, restricting their use of social media, or avoiding people who don't make them feel like the best version of themselves. Be kind and respectful to others, but accept the fact that you do not have to be everyone's best friend.
Both of you and everyone else are not required to love one another. You owe it to yourself to be in the company of people who put forth their best efforts for you and who give you energy rather than drain it. You can love people and wish them well even though it's difficult to do so without allowing them back into your life. Wish them luck and remember to stay true to yourself when you seek their existence in your life. You owe it to yourself to stop monitoring everyone who left your life and to keep your distance from toxic relationships.
The same is true of other people, with whom you must acknowledge the boundaries they place in front of you and respect that you do not have to be completely knowledgeable about every facet of their lives. Find people who consistently bring you joy. These people ought to have important roles in your life. Therefore, you should look for relationships that motivate you and give you a sense of purpose, but you must realize that these relationships do not define who you are.
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