3 Tips from an Introvert on How to Improve Your Relationships

Note: This article is from blogger Tanya, who shares her experience helping introverts improve their relationships with others.

I have been an introvert for a long time. I prefer the company of family and close friends only. When I first met someone, my hands were sweating, my heartbeat was racing, and I made embarrassing mistakes. So, I missed many opportunities, refrained from meeting new people for many years, and finally decided that something must be done.

Tips to improve your relationships with others

1. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

I have been telling myself a lot that I am unlucky in meeting the “right people,” including co-workers, acquaintances, and failed relationships. That all changed when I started taking responsibility for my behavior and the people I met.

You attract people through your behavior. Yes, luck may have a hand in it, but if you do what others do, you may win a tiny temporary excitement. Still, it rarely leads to something more important, and if you lack self-esteem, a control freak is more likely to exploit your weakness.

Things change once you take responsibility for who you are and how you feel. You realize you control what you feel, where you go, and who you meet. You are likely to meet people whose company you enjoy and become loyal friends, and you will get many great opportunities and not hesitate to take advantage of them.

2. Don't pay too much attention

I spent dozens - if not hundreds of hours - worrying about what others thought of me. Any curious look at me made me wonder if something was wrong with my hair, appearance, or behavior.

After I dared to ask a few people why they looked at me, I realized that some - if not most - of them were looking at me with admiration, or a look of contemplation, or an unintended look.

You should avoid being rude, sarcastic, or arrogant. Some people use this as a defense mechanism. On the other hand, paying close attention to things that others consider trivial will not help you. Unless you are in a position of power or influence, you cannot change millions of other people to meet what you expect from them. Most of the time, you can only change yourself.

3. Adjust your expectations

I spent my childhood reading adventure novels. A good book with a mixture of mystery, romance, and adventure could keep me busy for hours. At that time, those books were the only source of my knowledge about social behavior, human interaction, and relationships. You can imagine the shock when I first started living alone.

Expectations usually lead to dissatisfaction, anxiety, or even depression. Suppose your partner stole a piece of your jewelry and spent it on gambling. You will feel angry and hurt because you expected your partner to behave better than this. This example is a double-edged sword, and it was supposed to be this way.

Some expectations result from the rules that make up the foundation of our society, such as not stealing, not harming others, etc. Most people respect and apply these rules, but this should not provoke a false sense of security inside you. It is better to remain vigilant than to become a victim.

For the other type of forecast, here are some exercises:

• Imagine you get the things you dream of, but not eternal wealth and fame because you are not greedy and do not want them exclusively to get them. I am talking about a loving life partner, a few beautiful children, a large house in a comfortable neighborhood, a new car, and a well-paid job.
• Now imagine that you don't have all these things and still have a loving partner and a few beautiful children, but you struggle for your job and income, live in a one-bedroom apartment, and drive an old used car.

But if one day you expect everything to be listed in point 1, you have two options:

• Postpone your happiness so you can have everything in point 1 and more, and you'll feel miserable because you don't have what you want yet and are more likely to pass those feelings on to your family.
• Appreciate what you already have, and work hard to get more of what you want; even if you fail to get this big house, you're still happy because you have what matters.

Gratitude is a modern tactic that helps people get rid of depression and live a happy life, so practice gratitude to see it work for yourself.

However, when I hear the phrase “appreciate what you already have,” I feel a little scared at times, not satisfied with less than I can get and afraid of not becoming what I want. Still, I also refuse to allow expectations that may be difficult to achieve to prevent me from seeing the blessings that overwhelm me.