Note: This article is by Christine Carter, who shares her experiences with methods for developing courage.
Last week, I led a workshop for 20 of the best female CEOs from all over the world, and it was a great pleasure and honor for me. We worked on the problems that hold them back at work, as well as the things that prevent them from enjoying the life they worked so hard to build. It is not surprising that there are many structural and cultural aspects of their workplaces—male dominance, for example—that impede their careers and their lives in general.
These brilliant female CEOs needed strategies not only to make changes in their workplace but also to strengthen their courage in light of the difficulties they would face in their jobs.
Isn't this what we all need? The courage to live a life where we can achieve our best potential at work and home? Where can we best realize our potential for happiness?
What are you afraid of? What are the situations in which your fear hinders you? We need courage, that courage to be more credible, bold, and different if we want to live and work to achieve the place that makes us feel comfortable and gives us great strength.
3 Tips for developing courage
1. Control Your Thoughts
Our thoughts greatly influence what we feel and do. When we think about times when we did poorly at something, we are likely to feel insecure and vulnerable, which increases the likelihood that we will do something that reflects shaky confidence and vulnerability.
However, trying to control what we don't think about won't work. Keep in mind the old experiment in which researchers told subjects not to think of a white bear. As a result, most people immediately started thinking of a white bear. In other words, it is no use telling yourself, "I have to stop being afraid."
Instead, take a two-pronged approach to thinking brave thoughts. First, be careful, if you notice that you have a thought that limits your attempts to be brave, simply label it like this: "Oh, that's a scary thought." For example, say you're trying to get yourself to ask a question at a conference, but you're afraid to raise your hand, and you notice that you're imagining that the presenter thinks you're stupid. Say to yourself, "That's a thought that's going to make me dread asking my question," and take a deep breath. Noticing your simple thoughts can give you the space you need to not act on that scary thought that's keeping you from being brave and the feeling it generates.
Second, always fill your mind with brave thoughts. Think of times when you were brave before. Think about the things that courage inspired people like you to do, consider the last time you did something brave and how it wasn't that difficult, and consider how you would regret it if you didn't. Additionally, consider the worst-case scenario and keep in mind your long-term objectives.
2. Imagine That Your Fear Is Not Rational
Sometimes fear is more about excitement, pleasure, and emotion than a warning that you're about to do something dangerous, as author Maria Shriver writes in her book And One More Thing Before You Go. Doing whatever you fear is the thing you should try to do because anxiety is frequently a sign of your boldness and enthusiasm is in part the excitement that precedes what you prepare to accomplish.
Discover whether your fear is preventing you, suggests Martha Beck, a life coach and sociologist with a Harvard education. She claims that rational fear causes us to want to leave any situation we find ourselves in. I once had a really scary neighbor despite living in a really nice neighborhood.
Although he always appeared friendly and normal to me when he stopped to speak to me, I was frightened to the point where my heart began to beat quickly. All I could do was stand alongside him rather than flee and hide from him, and it turned out that my fear was justified when I knew that he had recently been released from a maximum security prison for violent sex offenses after I moved out of the neighborhood.
On the other hand, unproductive fear causes us to hesitate instead of being courageous, so we avoid asking crucial questions out of fear of coming off as foolish. Therefore, we never even try because we are afraid of failing. Years ago, I was very afraid of making an important career change, and I wasn't happy with it because my current job has brought me a lot of security. I've thought to myself, "What if I fail in my new field of work?" Before beginning my new career, I hesitated for more than a year. However, my fear turned out to be unfounded as I was instantly happier and more successful than I had been at my old job. Therefore, I wish I had dared to make this change sooner.
The key is to know the difference between rational and unproductive fear, so do you have the desire to escape from any situation that makes you fearful? If so, your fear is likely to be rational, so listen to your fear.
However, if your fear makes you hesitate, imagine that your fear is unfounded, take a deep breath and take the initiative.
3. Develop Solutions to the Obstacles You May Encounter
This is a crucial strategy for both growing in courage and achieving greater success in your goals.
Ask yourself: What obstacles are you likely to face? People who plan to determine their reactions to various obstacles tend to be able to achieve their goals more successfully. In other words, intimidating challenges don't stand in their way, especially when they already know that "If this happens, I will do that.” For example, say you want to stop working on the weekends, but you're afraid your team will start to question your dedication. Here's what an "if this happens, I will do that" plan might look like:
If my team complains that I don't work on the weekends anymore, I'll send them an article on how to use "vacation time" to improve work and life even in customer-focused companies.
It is important to remember that it is often not the hard things we have to do or say that make us feel upset, it is the fear we feel that bothers us. So, fear is the thing that actually makes actions difficult, not the action we think we are afraid of.
Despite what may seem counterintuitive, not acting because we are afraid of the consequences is not the best course of action in the long run. Instead, we should find the courage to try, move on, speak up, or make a change that will enable us to live and work in a place where we are happy. Ironically, when we do the hard work, we end up with more ease.
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