Note: This article is based on the work of the author Marc Chernoff, in which he tells us about his experience with self-help.
I never found out who wrote the letter, but whoever wrote changed my life. From that day on, I changed the way I spoke to myself, in particular.
I stopped saying the following to myself
1. “I'm not good enough yet”
You might think that you are not good enough, but you will be surprised if you keep trying. Your past does not define who you are; rather, it prepares you to be the person you will become. What ultimately defines your character is how you rise after your fall. Never be afraid to give yourself a chance to be everything you can be.
Forget about the haters and never underestimate yourself and what you are capable of. Distinction is to love when others think love is not necessary, to dream when others think dreams are impractical, to take risks when others think the risk is unsafe, and to do the impossible.
2. “I must live up to other people’s expectations”
Remember that it is always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than to be at the top of the ladder you don't want to climb. Happiness and success revolve around living the way you want. Always be yourself, and take your own path. No one can tell you that you are doing it wrong, as everyone has their own dreams, struggles, and a different path that is meaningful to them. You are who you are for a reason.
You can only blame yourself if you end up living a boring and miserable life as a result of ignoring yourself and listening to your parents, your teacher, or someone on TV telling you how to live your life. Just remember that the smartest and bravest thing to do is to simply think for yourself and listen to your own instincts. In the end, it is better to die on your own way instead of living as someone else thinks you should live.
3. “Their thought and words about me are important”
What would you do if you knew no one would criticize you?
Don't let other people crush your dreams. Just for one time, do what they say you can't do, and you will never notice their negativity again. Don't just avoid these negative people, run as fast as you can away from them. Good things happen when you distance yourself from negativity and those who spread it.
No one has the right to judge you. People may have heard of you, but they cannot feel what you are going through and they are not living your life. So, ignore their words, focus on how you feel about yourself, and do what you know in your depth is right.
4. “I need others to appreciate my actions in order for me to feel that they are valuable”
Do what you know is right. Integrity is doing the right thing no matter what, even when no one knows whether you did it or not. Life always knows how to achieve balance. Never assume that what you give will be given back to you, never assume that your efforts will be recognized, and never assume that people will understand and appreciate your kindness and love right away.
What seems to be the right thing to do might be the hardest thing you will ever do, but you have to do it anyway. You won't enjoy happiness or peace of mind when you have bad intentions. So, always stay completely devoted to your thoughts, words, and actions. Don't do or repeat what is wrong. Do what you believe is the right thing to do, even when no one is watching. Be one of those who make a real difference in the world by leaving it better and healthier than it was.
5. "It's too late for me"
Don't let yesterday steal your present, and don't judge yourself by your past. You don't live there anymore. Let go of the past, grow up, and move on. As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to let go of. Sometimes letting go is a step forward, and other times taking a break from routine is all you need. Unless you try to master something beyond what you already know, you will feel powerless forever.
Don't waste another minute regretting what you did yesterday. Start doing what you have to do now so that you don't regret it tomorrow. It's never too late, and if you feel this way, these are just deceptive internal fears. Keep in mind that fear only exists in your mind. It is difficult to follow your heart, but it is disastrous to let the lies of fear stop you.
6. “I must know everything”
Does a person choose their own path or does the path choose who will follow it? Believe it or not, sometimes the second option is what actually happens.
Sometimes the greatest dreams that come true are the ones you never knew before. It's about exploring life with an open mind. There are no wrong turns in life, they are just paths that you didn't know you were meant to take. You can never know what awaits you. It could be everything you ever dreamed of, or it could be something of no value. You keep moving forward, until you look back one day and realize you have climbed to the top of the most beautiful mountain.
7. “I don’t have enough to be positive and grateful”
Some days are in your favor, and others are not. However, every day is a golden opportunity to learn, be grateful, and positively influence the world around you. Do not seek immediate satisfaction; rather, seek patience to accept your current frustrations. Do not seek perfection in everything you do. Wisdom is about not making the same old mistakes. Do not ask for more before saying: “Thank you” for everything you have already received.
Remember that everything is temporary in life. So, enjoy the good things because they won't last forever, and don't worry about bad things because they won't last forever either. Just because life isn't stress-free at the moment doesn't mean you can't laugh, and just because something is bothering you doesn't mean you can't smile either. It is about being grateful when your mood is good and resilient when it's bad.
8. “My life should be easier and free of turmoils”
Big challenges are what make life enjoyable, and overcoming them makes it meaningful. The way you deal with failure and turmoil is what determines your level of success and happiness. Laugh at your own mistakes and learn from them. Joke about your problems and gather strength from them. Enjoy the challenges you face, and then overcome them.
When you accept the emotional turmoil in life, they build up, reach their peak, and then collapse just as waves fade away on the shore. Each wave washes away an old layer and reveals treasures that you had never expected. Lack of experience will be replaced by awareness, frustration will be replaced by resistance, and hatred will be replaced by kindness. It is certainly not easy to keep up with these waves and disturbances of emotional experience, but learning to rhyme with emotional turmoil is natural, useful, and good, as it makes you stronger and healthier eventually.
9. “I can't forgive them”
Forgiveness is a promise. When you forgive someone, you make a promise to yourself not to use the unchangeable past against your present self. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was completely justified, nor does it necessarily mean that this person should remain welcome in your life. It simply means that you have reconciled with the pain, and that you are ready to let go of it and move on with your life.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with acquitting a criminal of their crime. It is about freeing yourself from the burden of being a victim, letting go of the pain, and transforming yourself from a victim to a victor.
10. “I'm lonely”
No one can succeed on their own, and you are never alone, as you might feel sometimes. Most people are fighting the same battle as you. You might feel lonely sometimes, but you are not the only one who feels that way.
You might go through certain feelings, such as having insomnia due to worrying about someone you care about, finding it difficult to keep yourself together after someone has let you down, feeling rejected because someone didn't care about you enough to stay, or refusing to try something new out of fear of failure. None of these things means that you are weird or freak. It just means that you are human, and that you need a little time to gather your strength and control your feelings.
No matter how embarrassed or pitiful you feel about your situation, other people are experiencing the same feelings. When you hear yourself saying: “I am completely alone,” your mind is just lying to you. There is always someone who is suffering just as you. You might not be able to reach them right away, but they exist and that's all you need to know for now.
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