Note: This article is based on the work of Mark Chernoff, in which he tells us about 10 simple reasons to let go of the things you hold onto.
But we hold tenaciously to almost everything as humans because we dislike change, which is why we resist it, and we want life to be as we want it, so we hold to our delusions even if they hurt us.
My wife, Angel, and I have worked with hundreds of coaching clients and coachees over the past ten years, and we've learned that the main source of most people's stress is just their obstinate tendency to hold on to things.
We hold tenaciously to the hope that everything will turn out exactly as we imagine it, which causes us to complicate our lives when our reality does not match our imagination. So in order to stop holding on to things, we should realize that there is nothing to hold on to in the first place and that the majority of the things we desperately try to hold onto—as if they were constants in our lives—are either not actually present or, if they are, are changeable, flexible, impermanent, or are merely ideas in our heads. Understanding this makes dealing with life much simpler.
Imagine that you are blindfolded and swimming in a large pool, and you are struggling desperately to reach the edge of the pool that you think is close but, in fact, is not. Trying to reach that imaginary edge stresses you out while you float aimlessly, trying to hold on to something that isn't there.
Now imagine that you are contemplating the situation, take a deep breath, and realize that there is nothing near you but water to hold on to. You can now continue to struggle to hold on to something that is not there, or you can accept that there is only water around you and float while being relaxed.
Now ask yourself:
- What are you trying to hold onto most in your life?
- How does it affect you?
Now imagine that the thing you're trying to hold on to doesn't really exist, and imagine yourself just floating and giving it up. Just the mere action of floating—how would that change your situation?
Remind yourself why you should let go
1. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you enable yourself to make the most of what you already have
Your willingness to let go of how you believe your life should be now, appreciate it in all of its details, and then make the most of it will play a significant role in your ability to be happy and successful in the long run.
2. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you use your resources more effectively
Holding on is like wanting to control the uncontrollable, while letting go and allowing uncontrollable things to happen means that these things will run their course, your needs can also be better met in the process, and at the very least, you'll have less stress and more time and energy to focus on the things that really matter, which are things you can actually control, like your attitude toward everything.
3. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you free your mind of unnecessary worries
It becomes easy, when you feel anxious, to confuse your fears with reality rather than realize that they are just thoughts. So do your best to be mindful, accept the present, reduce your fears, let go of the past, and believe in the possibilities.
4. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you learn more about life
You automatically close yourself off from the truth when you hold onto your beliefs and attempt to control the uncontrollable, and rather than accepting reality and learning from it, you fight against it. Learning more about your current situation will help you find a solution, and you can then use what you have more effectively.
5. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you will value others for who they really are
It's about letting go and learning to value various ways of thinking, lifestyles, and opinions, even if that means putting your ego aside and accepting things that don't make you feel good. It's also about not trying to change the people you care about into versions that you are satisfied with and just letting them be who they are.
6. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you will focus less on pleasing others and more on doing your best
How frequently have others' misunderstandings and judgments guided your life? How frequently have instances of miscommunication and bias left you feeling disappointed or under pressure because you believed you could influence how others see you?
Whether you worry about it or not, the majority of people will see what they want to see, so it's time to stop trying to influence how other people see you and instead focus on doing your best.
7. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you allow yourself to grow and heal
Even though it is difficult to deal with heartbreak and recovery, you can do it if you are willing to accept the situation and then gradually let go. For instance, you might ask yourself, "Why did I love that person?" But that's not a good idea, and if you didn't love them, it would never have happened. However, you loved this person, and that is the reality. Accepting it and everything that results from it is a necessary step in the process of letting go.
8. By letting go of the things you hold onto, it becomes easier to forgive yourself and love yourself again
Consider the following: Could it be that everyone in your life who matters to you has already forgiven and forgotten all the "bad" or "stupid" things you have done except yourself? The answer is likely yes, and occasionally you simply have to look in the mirror and admit, “This happened, and it was bad. It was a huge mistake, but I learned from it, and I deserve my love and self-forgiveness.”
9. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you will enjoy life's pleasant surprises
Do you know how it feels to be taken aback by something incredibly beautiful? Life is full of wonderful surprises and unpredictable beauty, and dealing with these beauties' sudden and unexpected appearances can sometimes be challenging.
Do you really want to miss the feeling of being moved to tears by a random statement, a piece of writing, or a song for the rest of your life? Therefore, stop thinking all the time and concentrate more on the life that you are actually living.
10. By letting go of the things you hold onto, you live a more grateful life
Letting go is related to gratitude for experiences that have made you laugh and cry and helped you learn and grow. It is also related to acceptance of all that you have, all that you have had in the past, and all the opportunities that will come your way.
It all comes down to having the fortitude to deal with life's inevitable changes, believing in your gut, learning as you go, understanding that every experience counts, and continuing to move forward every day.
In Conclusion
I hope you learn from this article that letting go is not limited to ascetics; anyone in this life can do it, and it is not about running away from pain. Instead, it is about being human, recognizing the source of pain, and accepting it so you can grow and learn from it. You automatically get ready for any challenge that may come your way when you learn to let go and practice it on a regular basis.
If a significant and unexpected change occurs in your life, it is only bad if you tenaciously hold onto the way you wish life to be and if you let go of that wish and those expectations. Change is not bad; it simply makes life different from what you had anticipated. In the long run, change can be beneficial if you accept it and recognize the opportunities it presents.
We cause 99% of our problems by holding on so tightly, but by letting go, we can free ourselves and achieve balance.
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