Self-concept and its appreciation in general is affected by the state of social comparison that occurs when we compare our behaviors, attitudes, actions, abilities, skills, and other things with the behaviors, attitudes, and skills of others. This comparison is often made with people we know well and interact with during our daily lives. It can also happen with individuals whom we watch and read about in the media, or any individual who can be important in society or whom we see as a successful individual. But the most important and influential comparison in our lives is comparing ourselves with those we think are similar to us.
First: What is meant by obsession with comparing oneself to others?
The idea of comparison for the individual in general stems from the idea of determining the extent of their personal and social value based on comparing it with others. There is a main motive for the individual to obtain a self-assessment of themselves by comparing their opinions, skills, and abilities with those of others. The dimensions of comparison are often chosen in the things in which there are basic standards as a firm reference, through which one evaluates themselves and others as well.
During comparison, one begins by comparing their own achievements with those of others. They can even enter into a competition or a challenge with them in an attempt to overcome them. This is a natural thing, but the matter can exceed the acceptable limit. Then one becomes busy all the time looking for their weaknesses and the things they lack in order to match others, which means focusing on negative things only, instead of looking for their unique strengths that they can use to achieve their own success.
Second: The disadvantages of comparing oneself to others
1. Feeling of inferiority:
One's comparison of themselves with others leads to their feeling of lack of self-confidence and that they have no things that distinguish them from other individuals, or even that they do not have anything comparable to their abilities. The accumulation of those ideas leads to the formation of a feeling of inferiority. Then they stop achieving their dreams and ambitions.
2. Loss of personal identity:
Identity here is not a biological factor, race, gender, or skin color. It is the interaction of innate preparations with other things, such as thought, customs, traditions, history, religion, political situation, language, literature, values, mind, and behavior, which are cultural, social, and other kinds of data, with a result that distinguishes one individual from another.
The identity crisis is related to one's inability to create a clear conception of themselves and the basic references in their life. Also, by subjecting themselves to comparison with others, they begin to lose their identity little by little as a result of their interest in others' ideas, methods, and ways of working in an attempt to imitate them with the aim of similarity with them and superiority over them.
3. Being deceived by appearances and trying to imitate fake individuals:
There are often individuals who are obsessed with imitating the characters they see on television or via the Internet and various social media websites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok) and other applications that appeared in the virtual world recently and changed the nature of individuals' lives and habits.
There are several personalities that appear on these sites in an ideal way that earn them fame and success, but they may be contrary to what they are in reality. Anyway, one tries to imitate them believing that this step will make them a successful person. Then they get dragged behind it and cause themselves many problems, especially if their attempts are unsuccessful.
As another example, we find some women, who watch a series on TV, compare their marital life to the marital life of the series' heroes. The woman begins to see that hero as the ideal person that every woman dreams of. Comparisons begin and problems begin with them. Parents also compare their child to another child. This comparison is demonstrated by pressing their child to push them to outperform the other child. This affects their physical and psychological health and causes psychological problems and complexes for both children and their family.
4. Lack of self-esteem:
When an individual seeks to compare themselves with others, they focus on their weaknesses, which they must avoid to become like others. They forget to focus on the strengths and skills they possess, which they can use to make themselves important unique people who walk the path of success.
5. Not focusing on a specific goal:
One's comparison of themselves with others leads to their admiration for more than one thing and for more than one individual. Then their attention is distracted and the goal is lost. Their attention is distracted in a way that prevents them from achieving something important.
6. Affecting the individual's emotions and losing control of them most of the time:
A person's comparison of themselves with another person pushes them to constantly observe them. This observation generates negative feelings such as envy, hatred, and malice towards them. It also affects their psyche, as they may tend to depression, isolation, and lack of confidence in themselves. In addition, they may show severe emotions, such as anger and possibly dangerous aggressive behavior.
7. Failing in achieving goals:
When an individual resorts to comparing themselves with another human being, it consumes a lot of effort from them, and they waste their time that they were supposed to use to focus on their personal goals and strive to achieve them.
8. Missing the opportunity to enjoy the present:
The obsession with comparison makes the individual live the life of another person by constantly observing them and forgetting that they are individuals who also have their own life that they must take care of.
Third: How can a person limit comparing themselves to others?
It is rare to find a person who has not fallen into the trap of comparison, even once during their life. Everyone is busy searching for success, excellence, self-affirmation, and obtaining respect and appreciation in society. But following the method of comparison to achieve this is the biggest mistake that an individual can make against themselves. So, we can mention some tips to stop it, including:
1. Identify the reasons for comparing yourself with others:
To determine the reasons, you must judge yourself first and evaluate it, as it is a necessary term in the journey of change. Then determine whether your evaluation of yourself is positive or negative. Do you see yourself as a good or a bad person? Are you an independent person or ruled by the power of others? And ask other questions that give an honest assessment.
Then identify the dimensions and directions you take while comparing yourself to others. Are they positive things like someone likes to help people? Here you are trying to be a good person who likes to help people. The comparison may be negative, like when you have feelings of envy towards another individual who has a lot of money and you wish to get it. After that, arrange the ideas that are compared with others and assure your feelings about each thought and what resulted from that feeling.
2. Be a grateful human being for what God has given you:
After identifying the reasons for comparing yourself to others, the feelings you had, the time you wasted watching, and the goals you lost, you will be convinced that this comparison has never worked in your favor. On the contrary, it impedes your life and success. So, invest your time in identifying and writing down your strengths and the things that are unique in you. You will discover that you have many qualities that make you a special person and an example and role model for others. Then you will regain your self-confidence, self-appreciation, and gratitude for all the blessings that exist in your life. Use that to pursue your own success.
3. Be aware of the fact that most of what you see on social media and on TV is fake and does not reflect the truth:
There are no ideal things in life as they appear in the virtual world. So, do not compare yourself with them and do not make them a standard or reference for your actions and behaviors. Do what is right and what suits you as a human being. Be satisfied with yourself and stop imitating others.
4. Love yourself and the way you value yourself. This is the most important thing that can help stop your obsession with comparing yourself to others:
Feel proud of any achievement you achieve, no matter how small. Take new experiences and write down your results. Improve your abilities by enrolling in various educational courses. Set your own goals and make plans to achieve them, as this will help you build your personal life, which is independent of the life path of others. Be competitive for yourself and compare your own performance during the different stages only with yourself and not with another individual.
In conclusion:
The key to a happy life is the individual's satisfaction with themselves and their cessation of comparing themselves to others and their attempt to be another version of themselves, believing that this will make them a person of value. Everyone has their own personality and entity different from others. The secret of beauty and attractiveness as well as success lies in difference not in similarity. There is nothing wrong with taking into account the experiences of others and benefiting from their experiences and advice about them, but without blind imitation and with avoidance as much as possible of entering into comparisons, no matter how similar the paths are with them.
Comparison is a trap in which the individual falls into self-destruction. It reduces self-confidence, increases negative feelings and anger towards others, and most importantly stands in the way of achieving ambitions. So, it can be said that self-satisfaction is to adapt to life and live happily.
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