Note: This article is by natural health practitioner Jenny Ellis, in which she shares her personal experience of summoning the courage to make pivotal life decisions.
I jumped in the hope that I might be caught or that I could fly, and it was in the summer of last year. I was sitting in my first meditation workshop when the instructor started talking about blind confidence.
I realized I was suffering from it, but the timing of the lesson only made me move forward with what I was doing.
| sometimes the solution is to follow your instincts when it comes to making a difficult decision. |
Have the courage to quit when you have nothing left to hold
Poet Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of all virtues, for without courage you cannot practice any other virtue consistently.”
I realized that while outwardly my life seemed satisfactory, deep down I felt I was leading a monotonous life. I got up at 4:30 every morning to catch the train to Washington, D.C., had a stable job, and did something I loved (and that's one of the things I was grateful for). Then I would come back after work to a house we had owned for about a year, to a beautiful son (another thing I was grateful for), and to a 15-year marriage with one person.
However, what was gradually built over those fifteen years were compromises that changed my expectations and who I was, and in trying to salvage the relationship by changing myself to fix the things that were wrong, I lost my identity.
Courage in Making Decisions
The philosopher Lao Tzu said, “When I let go of who I am, I become what I ought to be.”
When I realized that I wanted to live life instead of just passing through it, I decided that the first thing I had to do was build up my self-worth again. I focused on my strengths and the things I value in myself, and, most importantly, I vowed to myself that I would always be true to her. Over the next several months, the depression that had begun to pull me to the bottom subsided, and life was brighter.
I felt confident as I began to feel like my old self again, and I thought this newfound confidence would help me pretend my marriage was good until my son graduated from high school, then I could file for divorce. My parents divorced when I was 12. I vowed that I would never ask for a divorce, especially when there were children in the house.
One day I came home to my 3-year-old son who was having one of his usual meltdowns, and I looked at his crying face and realized, "If I stay in this relationship, this unhappy little kid could face another 15 years of unhappiness. Plus, how will this relationship of mine be an example for him when he grows up?” At that moment, I decided that divorce was really the only solution.
You have the courage you need
It took me a month to find the courage to tell my then-husband I wanted a divorce, then it took me several more months to move out of the house, and in those months before I did, I found myself gripped by sheer terror: Should I step back and carry on with the life I was living because it was so familiar to me? My intuition told me that I was making the right decision even though it went against societal norms of marriage, broke a promise I made long ago, and made me feel vulnerable and completely alone.
I have accepted my strengths and was able to be honest with myself and find the courage to follow through with the decision to start a new life despite the fear by believing in myself, making difficult decisions, and blindly trusting my instincts. I managed to succeed.
My life changed before my eyes, and I started a new life. I found my soul mate, and after a year, I was promoted to a new position. I served in the highest position in the agency, and now I travel the world with my family, helping women of all ages with self-esteem and self-confidence.
In conclusion
sometimes the solution is to follow your instincts when it comes to making a difficult decision, even if it means that your world will be turned upside down in some way. Whatever it is, accept your strengths with courage, be honest with yourself, and believe in yourself blindly.
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