The majority of us are stuck in the past because of our need to feel assurance. Assurance is one of the six basic human needs. It is linked to survival because we feel the need to be assured that we can avoid pain and find comfort in our life. This is why letting go of the past is just like going into the unknown, which requires courage in order to let go of what we are familiar with even if it is negative, accept what is coming, and learn from it.
Another reason why letting go of the past is so hard to learn has to do with the way we associate emotion with information. For example, if someone did something emotionally painful to their partner, they may bring it up over and over again in the relationship up until a point where the partner feels like they can no longer forgive them; however, there is a real reason that prevents them from knowing how to let go of the past.
Information leaves an indelible impression associated with feelings, as the partner associates their feelings with anything that may have a significant impact, especially if it causes pain and suffering. This makes letting go of the past harder for them.
What does all of this require from us? And how can we let go of our control over these things in order for us to start moving forward more healthily and happily.
Here are 9 tips to let go of the past and move on with your life:
1. Turn letting go of the past into a “necessity”:
The first step is to identify your obstacles and think about a reason to move on. What is it that you cannot let go of? Is it a failed relationship? Or is it the neglect of a friend or family member from which you cannot move on? Do you need to forgive someone (whether it is direct and in person or just in your heart) in order for you to let go of your anger and observe the situation more peacefully?
Once you identify your obstacles, ask yourself what are the reasons that require you to move on completely? How will your life change when you learn how to move on from the past? How will this change the course of your relationships and help you to be more capable of communicating with your life partner? And how will you feel in this new chapter of your life?
This part of the process is considered to be the most important because it will help you stay committed to moving on from the past. Gaining a new sense of purpose is essential to setting any goal because your goal will be at the same level as your emotional motive when you feel like you want to give up, and you will for sure face obstacles and challenges; however, if you have a strong enough motive and a goal that pushes you, you will remain focused and dedicated.
2. Establish your emotional habits:
Establishing your emotional habits is one of the most difficult parts of letting go of the past because it requires deep meditation within yourself. How do you live your life? What are your self limiting beliefs? And where do your emotions lie?
When you get used to some emotions, especially the negative ones, you will notice how it affects you on a daily basis. You do not realize that you are stuck in a spiral of negative emotions; rather, you think that you are doing what everyone else does when facing any problem; however, our exceptional emotional habits can have a deep impact on the way we view life, the way we act, and our ability to move on from the past. What is it that makes us accept a life in which we promote negative emotions and get rid of the positive ones?
You will be able to establish your emotional habits by turning your experiences into more positive ones. This is because your emotions are just like muscles; You can train yourself to feel frustrated, sad, stressed, or even depressed after an inconvenience, or feel passion, joy, and strength even when something bad happens in your life. When you learn how to control your emotions, you will be able to learn how to let go of your past in a way that allows you to feel that the burden is way lighter and that you are more free instead of feeling fearful.
When you constantly find yourself in a spiral of negative emotions, stop thinking and immediately move to another level because the more you control yourself, the more stable your emotions become, and the more capable you are of adapting to any situation that you face.
3. Control your mind:
Great successes in life happen by following learning strategies, building your own goals, and making sure that you are in the right position to move on, and in order to do that, you must control your mind everyday.
Life will start going against you instead of in your favor if you do not take the time that you need to analyze your habits and change them. Regardless of your intelligence, wit, or inspiration, if you do not observe your mind, you are inhibiting your power, which leads to disappointment and betrayal, and instead of focusing on how to let go of the past, you will find yourself distracted by thoughts that will make you more immersed into negative emotions.
Tell yourself encouraging stories instead of those that limit you, nourish your mind with positivity and new knowledge, surround yourself with people who make you feel better, and work on investing in the present instead of fixing the past.
4. Follow encouraging rituals:
Letting go of the past is not easy. This is why in order to be able to do it, you can build encouraging rituals because all the more successful people in the world build their own daily routine that includes having a healthy breakfast, meditating, exercising, and learning new things. These small rituals that you do daily are what ignite your motivation and lead to a massive change.
Showing gratitude is another habit that can help you live in the moment instead of being stuck in the past; therefore, start by journaling daily showing your gratitude towards things and people that exist in your life, or practice it while meditating in the morning, and think of everything that you must be grateful for in your current life.
You must know that everything that happened in the past is what makes you who you are now. This strong and solid person that can recover from anything that they come across. Only then will it be easier for you to let go of the past forever when you love yourself and your life.
5. Shift your focus:
Thinking that you can control the way others feel or act is the reason behind a lot of the pain that we deal with in life, and while we think that our circumstances are the outcome of unknown power, our decisions are what really controls them.
We have the power to turn negative into positive, setbacks into opportunities, and failures into lessons; however, most of what we need to do is to accept that the only thing that we can control in life is our actions and decisions, and shifting our focus away from other people and events that are out of our control.
You cannot redeem an unhealthy relationship, but you can learn from it. You cannot go back in time to fix a bad childhood, but you can realize that your past does not define your future. This is why every day is an opportunity to start over; hence, you must choose your decisions starting from the moment you wake up in the morning. Learning how to let go of the past means to break the usual pattern and focus on building a life that you deserve, and not to focus on the life that you are used to living.
6. Teach yourself to be present in the moment:
You must also shift your focus on being aware of the present moment, and remember that “now” is the only time that you matters because the future only exists in your imagination given that it is still not reality, and the past is only in your memory; therefore, the only thing that is real is what is happening now. This is what makes the power of the human spirit and its stability which is rooted in the present moment that is free of the past and the future incomparable.
You can teach yourself how to be present. If you want more happiness and joy and to achieve more, you must merge within your real life. Stay away from your phone’s screen. Stop surrendering to the temptations of technology hoping that it would detach you from reality, and attract your awareness to the present moment. Make use of all the beautiful things around you because the key to knowing how to forget the past is to stop living in the past.
7. Work on personal development:
There is no better time to work on a plan to grow more than the time in which you want to learn how to move on from the past; thus, you must focus on learning and improving yourself not just to distract yourself from the negative thoughts, but because it will also help you move on too. Take your time to know what concerns you. Do you want to improve your career? Or do you want to build a healthy relationship that you deserve?
Once you identify what you want to work on and check the obstacles that you might encounter, gather the tools that you need to succeed, and take the idea of working with a trainer during your personal growth journey seriously along your journey.
8. Surround yourself with positive people:
The difference is not between those who achieve their goals, and those who fail in time and skill; however, it is within knowing how to attract what they want. They know that what you focus on is what you are going to achieve soon, and that the energy that you put into the world is what will come back to you. They also know that the people you surround yourself with are who define the person that you are.
Letting go of the past is harder when you surround yourself with people who constantly remind you of it. When you surround yourself with positive people who are committed to growing and moving forward, you will find that moving forward has become easier. “The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the expectations of your peer group,” says American author Tony Robbins.
9. Give more:
While you work hard on understanding how to let go of the past, serve a cause bigger than you, and live for your family or society and for humanity, and because the cause is important, search for motives that allow you to see beyond your own self.
Regardless of how broken you feel, you still have things to share with others, even if it is as easy as smiling or listening to what they have to say. When you realize that in the end the secret of lids is to give, you will have a noticeable improvement, and you will be able to know how to move on from the past.
Your life matters for your and others’ sake, so if you make peace with the fact that you exist not only to take, but to give as well, others will feel your authenticity and open up to you.
Giving back reminds you of the purpose of your existence. Focusing on other people’s needs is a way that makes you more able to do more than you thought you could. You immediately will feel the benefits, be completely present in the moment in which you live, be more productive, and you will find creative solutions for the problems that you face. You will also find the power even when you are exhausted, learn how to let go of the past, and move towards the future with more love, awareness and affection.
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